Super Special Ep: Real
This episode is part of a larger story, Soft Touch. If you haven’t yet, you can go back and read it from the beginning right here. The episode below is NSFW and contains mature content.
Aiden is half awake, half dreaming.
He feels… strangely good. Comfortable, tranquil, unworried. Taking long, effortless breaths. The bed beneath him is soft and warm. He came up out of such deep sleep. He’s still floating around in the between place, right beneath the surface of consciousness.
Aiden can leave this place whenever he chooses to, but he stays, lets himself float. No reason to go before he has to. The surface is harsh and cold, and he’s lonely there.
Although… is it his sleep softening the edges of the world around him, or what? Why does he feel so relaxed and cozy - how did he sleep this well at all, actually?
He debates with himself for a moment, caught between curiosity about his surroundings and the desire to stay someplace where he has no surroundings at all.
But Aiden’s curiosity always tends to win out. He slowly blinks his eyes open. He lets his head tip to the right, and realizes that someone is in bed with him.
A flame of brilliant red hair meets Aiden’s eyes.
He instantly squeezes them shut again, his heart plummeting.
No, he thinks desperately. Not this. Please not this.
Even in his half-asleep haze, he should have known. Nothing about Aiden’s life has given him reason to expect anything more than his share of misery. He should have realized what was going on even before he opened his eyes, as soon as he felt that core of warm happiness in his chest.
There was no possible way it could be real. Aiden thought he was rising up out of his dreams, when really, he must have been descending down into them.
He isn’t sure that he can take too many more of these dreams about Jamie Keane.
Aiden hates that he forgets himself, forgets what’s going on. He has clear, vivid dreams, almost lifelike. By the end, he believes it, only to have it ripped right out of his hands. It’s the worst thing, to hold Jamie and then be forced to let him go. To wake up without him, to face another day knowing that he can never really have him.
It hurts so bad. So fucking bad. The dreams may be Aiden’s only taste of happiness, but the pain of losing Jamie over and over again, every time he wakes up - Aiden can’t bear it. It fucks him up too badly.
It’s always when he lets himself touch Jamie that he starts to forget that he’s dreaming.
So - don’t touch him. Just don’t do it. Don’t even look at him, don’t -
Aiden’s thoughts are interrupted by a soft tapping sound. A bluster of rain, breaking against the window. It wouldn’t give anyone else pause, but Aiden doesn’t usually get to hear quiet, subtle little sounds like that. They get drowned out in all the noise.
But it’s so quiet in Aiden’s head, right now. He can’t imagine why, but the instant he focuses on what he’s hearing, he understands.
Jamie’s soul is playing a soft, soothing nightsong into Aiden’s head. Striking all the right chords with Aiden’s own note. All the other noise has fallen to the wayside.
It’s so easy to listen to. It sounds so - close.
Aiden’s breathing suddenly picks up. Before he can stop himself, he opens his eyes again and looks over at Jamie.
He’s on his side, his bare body on top of the comforter, his back turned to Aiden. But Aiden only gets to see him like that for a second or so before something happens.
Jamie sleepily rolls onto his back. His face tilts towards Aiden. He stretches out his legs, lets out a serene little sigh, and goes still again.
Aiden props himself up on an elbow, staring down at Jamie.
Holy. Shit.
This isn’t a Jamie that Aiden imagined and guessed at, having no frame of reference that wasn’t years and years out of date. This version of Jamie is actually cuter, more handsome than that, somehow, and - he’s real.
This isn’t a dream. That’s Jamie.
Aiden tumbles the rest of the way out of his half-asleep state. Everything comes pouring back into his mind. He has thousands of memories with this familiar face, and they all return to him in one massive rush.
Aiden’s thundering heartbeat is so loud that he’s surprised he hasn’t woken Jamie up with it. He could almost cry with relief and gratitude. He was rising up out of his dreams, after all, and he landed someplace much better. Because - against all odds, and after all this time - his real life has become better than his dreamed one.
“Hey, Companion Plant,” he whispers, and has to hold back a ragged, relieved laugh.
Jamie doesn’t wake up and doesn’t answer, but Aiden doesn’t care. He stares at Jamie, glowing.
You’re really mine, he thinks wonderingly, his eyes on Jamie’s sleeping, freckled face. You’re actually, really, finally mine.
This has happened to Aiden on more than one occasion. To finally have Jamie after so much time spent hopelessly longing for him - it strikes Aiden as too good to be true. A sense of disbelief takes hold of him. It folds up the truth and puts it away, since it just can’t be possible. Even now, Aiden sometimes wakes up thinking that he’s still wandering. Thinking that everything that happened between him and Jamie was simply a beautiful, perfect dream.
But it’s not, and this realization is the polar opposite of the realization that Aiden used to wake up with. It makes his heart overflow with happiness every time it happens.
A soft scraping sound makes him blink and look up. Jamie’s potted plants have lifted up into the air, floating.
Aiden falls onto his back and closes his eyes. Tries to concentrate, to set everything down. He finds that he can’t calm the emotion, so he tries to redirect it, instead. The plants gently float back down, and lights gather instead, forming into fireflies that shed a quiet glow.
This seems like a better way to channel it, so Aiden leaves it there and looks at Jamie again.
He’s sleeping peacefully on his back, one arm tossed up over his head. His fingers slightly curled, his head tipped towards Aiden. The windows are open, and it’s chilly, but Jamie must be warm enough in Aiden’s heat, because - no blankets. No clothes, either.
Aiden lifts a hand to reach out and touch him, then stops, draws it back.
He knows now that he’s in real life. Still, that tiny disbelieving part of his mind warns him not to touch, just in case. To keep his hands to himself.
It’s not that, Aiden insists to himself. I’m not dumb, I know it’s real. Just - Jamie’s sleeping, anyways. Shouldn’t wake him up. Just leave him alone.
But Aiden can look, can’t he? There’s no harm in that.
He lets his eyes do a long, slow, adoring journey all over Jamie.
The shiny crop of bright, blazing hair, rich and thick and messy. Aiden knows from experience that it’s unbelievably soft against his fingers, red velvet.
From there, Aiden’s eyes go to Jamie’s. They’re closed, but Aiden knows how deep and brilliant they are, how easily they would make him fall apart if they opened.
Down to his freckled nose and cheeks, to his mouth. Soft and inviting, the sweetest mouth Aiden’s ever tasted. Always saying things he can hardly bring himself to believe.
Aiden spends a minute or two shamelessly obsessing over it, then lets his eyes drift to the curve of Jamie’s neck, a warm nook he wants to nuzzle his face into.
Then to his hands. Relaxed and mellow in his sleep, but always in movement when he’s awake. Always some passionate, fast little gesture to accompany his words. Sometimes Jamie spreads those hands on Aiden’s chest and stands on his toes so he can get closer, hear what Aiden’s saying more easily. He does that instead of telling Aiden to speak louder. Aiden loves that.
His eyes begin to travel down Jamie’s body. The bed is drenched in moonlight, and so is he. His skin is luminous with it, glowing softly, a glow so beautiful that it puts Aiden’s fireflies to shame.
Aiden is the one with magic, but sometimes it doesn’t feel like that. Sometimes he could swear that Jamie’s body is coated with it. It does something to Aiden. It makes him stutter and blush and forget what he’s trying to say. It sends currents of electricity, sparks of friction fire rushing through him. It only takes the lightest, most fleeting glance or touch.
Without thinking, Aiden reaches for Jamie. He realizes what he’s doing at the last second, snatches his hand back. Don’t touch. Just look.
He looks, struggling to cope with the lethal levels of love in his heart. The drizzle outside breaks against the windows on surging gusts of wind. Jamie sleeps.
It begins as a slow, gradual gathering of warmth that Aiden feels at his core. Warmer and warmer the longer he spends with his eyes on Jamie. Aiden wants to push his fingers through Jamie’s hair, or pull him closer, just - something. But he doesn’t.
The warmth grows and grows, now with an added restlessness.
The moonlight shines softly on Jamie’s skin. Aiden’s eyes trace the patterns of it, watching how it drips down the delicate lines of Jamie’s face, the contours of his naked body. Aiden finds himself jealous of the moonlight, how it gets to touch Jamie like this while he has to keep his hands to himself.
The warmth accumulating in Aiden is now too much to keep in one place. It flows out through his entire body, takes hold of him.
Warmth turns to heat, and restlessness becomes a powerful, all-consuming ache.
Aiden realizes what’s happening and tries to turn away from Jamie. Finds that he can’t quite make himself do that. Desire makes a slow invasion of his thoughts, his body, his heart. A slow strobe up and down his body, a pulse of heat ever in movement. He can feel his breathing getting deeper, his face growing flushed.
He wants to put his mouth to the soft curve of that freckled shoulder. He wants to follow the paths of the moonlight on Jamie’s body with his hand.
Jamie makes a quiet little sound in his sleep. The tiniest taste of his voice.
Suddenly in a state of serious turmoil, Aiden finds himself tightly gripping a handful of the blankets just to hold himself still.
Don’t touch him, Aiden tells himself desperately. Don’t, don’t, don’t -
Jamie yawns, then rolls onto his side, directly into Aiden. Their legs tangle together, and Jamie sleepily burrows his face into Aiden’s chest.
Aiden can’t move away. He can’t. A body fell from heaven and right into his arms. He’s not about to let it go.
He holds as still as he can, hyper aware of Jamie’s legs woven through his, of his warm breath. Each place of contact between them keys up the heat already overwhelming Aiden. His body is tense and rigid and burning up.
Jamie must be able to hear Aiden’s heartbeat, or his uneven breathing. Whatever it is, it reaches him in his sleep. He stirs against Aiden, drowsily knuckles his eye, then draws back.
Sugar brown eyes blink open and find Aiden’s.
Jamie looks concerned, probably thinking that Aiden was having a nightmare. But he sees the expression on Aiden’s face, takes a long look at it.
A slow, warm smile turns up his lips. Love flows from his eyes, and Aiden stares into them, spellbound.
It’s too much for him. He has to do something, so he tips forward and places a soft, lingering kiss on Jamie’s mouth.
Jamie leans into it, sliding one hand up the back of Aiden’s neck and into his hair. Making the kiss last much longer than Aiden intended. His note sings brightly and happily, wrapping around Aiden’s in heart-stopping harmony.
When Aiden draws back, Jamie is looking at him with wide, dilated eyes. Smiling in the flickering firefly light.
This look on Jamie’s face - it’s the lit match to all of the tension building up in Aiden. It sets everything on fire. He looks at Jamie’s bare body, his eyes almost liquid with light, and the last of his resistance crumbles.
He leans forward and kisses Jamie again, pushing him onto his back, rolling on top of him. Jamie’s breath hitches, and he lets out a soft laugh against Aiden’s mouth. Aiden buries his face into Jamie’s neck to take a deep breath of him, of that green scent always invisibly haloing his skin.
Jamie’s breathing starts to grow deeper, faster.
Aiden slowly starts sucking and kissing Jamie’s throat, moving their enlaced bodies against each other, the lightest tease possible. Jamie shivers, then takes a fistful of Aiden’s hair and pulls him back and kisses him. A deep, fiery kiss, their mouths melded together. Aiden very briefly opens his eyes, sees his own fingers twined through bright red hair.
He’s struck yet again with the holy shit it’s really Jamie oh my fucking god realization, and distantly hears something shatter, knows that he exploded something. He’s gotten pretty good at not destroying everything when they do this, but sometimes his feelings are powerful enough to slip through his grasp, burst out as magic.
But Jamie doesn’t seem to care. The same fever that swept up Aiden is now shining in his amber eyes, turning his cheeks a burnt shade of crimson. His arms are locked around Aiden, and he clearly has no intention of letting him go.
So Aiden sinks deep into loving him, touching each and every place that his eyes were lingering on, then more. Jamie is shivering and gasping, his feet flexing, his fingernails digging into Aiden’s skin. Wherever Aiden puts his mouth or his hands, Jamie’s body rises to his touch.
Slowly, adoringly, Aiden works Jamie’s body into the exact state of desperate desire as his own. He keeps going until Jamie is melted beneath him, fire burning in his glassed-over eyes. Until Aiden can feel ripples of pleasure moving through Jamie’s muscles. Until Jamie is looking at him with eyes that are practically begging.
Then he keeps going a little longer, until Jamie reaches down and drags Aiden up. Jamie parts his legs further, making space between his thighs, space that Aiden happily slips into.
They both stop. They linger there for a second, on the precipice. Then Aiden sinks down, and Jamie buries a stuttering moan in his open mouth. Aiden shudders, radiant ecstasy spilling through his every vein, every nerve.
They both let out a heavy, shaking breath when their bodies lock together completely. Jamie stares right up into Aiden’s eyes, and Aiden stares down into his. Then Aiden drops his head, brings his face to Jamie’s.
They stay like that for a long, breathless moment. Jamie’s head flung back and his eyes closed, his mouth on Aiden’s mouth. Jamie’s legs parted, and Aiden between them.
Aiden can’t believe how fucking good just this feels. They’re holding perfectly still, unmoving, but somehow there’s a rhythm and beat to this. An intense, drawn-out pleasure, mounting with each second they spend this way.
Does it feel this good for Jamie, too? Going off the look on his face, Aiden would guess that it does. He wonders how long he could prolong this, keep them held in this moment.
It takes a superhuman effort, but Aiden holds still, doesn’t move.
Jamie seems to swim happily in the feeling for a while, but eventually his eyes blink open. He tries to push his body up into Aiden’s. Aiden keeps him firmly pinned to the bed, won’t let him. He tries again, and Aiden, who is propped up on his elbows, reaches down with one hand and takes firm hold of Jamie by the hip, his thumb in the soft crease of his thigh.
Jamie blinks in surprise, then lets out an impatient little noise, the blush in his cheeks growing darker and darker. Aiden looks down at him, riveted, drinking in the sight. Jamie squeezes Aiden’s bicep, his heels digging down into the bed, his breathing growing ragged. A pleading expression comes over his face. He starts trying to move again, pushing and twisting, clinging to Aiden.
Aiden is panting, can barely control himself. Jamie is only able to get away with the smallest little rocking movements, but every one of them is affecting Aiden. This is perfect, toe-curling, breath-stopping torture, excruciatingly good. It’s having the same effect on Jamie, whose eyes are hazy with pleasure, whose body is starting to shake.
This is driving both of them wild, but Aiden somehow manages to keep still through it all.
Jamie whimpers, then bites down hard on Aiden’s bicep.
This comes dangerously close to making Aiden break. His vision briefly blurs, and he hears a deep moan escape from his own mouth. The sound gets an immediate, answering response from Jamie’s body.
Aiden hisses through his teeth, then pins Jamie down better, and Jamie’s movements stop again, become impossible. Jamie falls silent and lays back, lost in sensation, just like Aiden is. He closes his eyes for a moment, his chest swelling and falling with each heaving breath.
Then he looks up at Aiden and lets out a long, begging whine, his voice sounding half crushed with desperation.
It’s a sound Aiden has never heard from him before, and it sends pathways of fire burning through his veins, sends such a huge shudder through his body that Jamie feels it and gasps, his grip tightening on Aiden’s arm.
Aiden’s control snaps completely. He starts to move, and Jamie’s back arches, his arms reaching up to wrap around Aiden’s neck.
They twist together on the bed, lost in each other, starting to move faster, sounds torn from both of their throats, and Aiden thinks to himself that it’s perfect, fucking perfect, a sublime haze of sights and sounds and feelings almost too good for him to process. He stares down at Jamie, his eyes as wide as they go, so much pleasure coursing through him in such vast currents that he can barely hold himself back, each one mounting on the one that came before -
Aiden lets out a sharp, breathless moan, seizes Jamie by the hip, and pushes him up, pushing himself down at the same time. Jamie cries out and closes his eyes, clutching at Aiden, his whole body wracked with shivers. A sight that Aiden knows he will never, ever forget.
They stay like that for a soaring moment, then collapse into a trembling heap on the bed. Aiden falls by Jamie’s side, panting, pretty sure he just blacked the fuck out for a second.
It takes them a few minutes to be able to move again, but eventually Jamie curls into Aiden’s arms, still breathing hard, and presses a kiss onto his jaw. Their notes twine beautifully around each other, singing softly and sweetly. The other noise is still quiet enough that as Aiden’s breathing slows down, he can hear the rain against the window again.
He sinks a hand into Jamie’s red hair, feeling radiantly, supremely happy. His body is saturated with delicious satisfaction and warmth, now and then rocked with aftershocks.
How, how is it like this, every time? It’s even better than he thought it would be, better than walking on water, better than his wildest, sexiest dreams…
Aiden suddenly tenses up, his thoughts clearing enough for him to remember that some small part of him was scared that this might be a dream. That if this is a dream, this is usually the part where Jamie is snatched away from him, and he wakes up alone.
He raises himself up on an elbow and looks down at Jamie, who has a warm, languid smile on his face.
Say something, Aiden thinks, his heart anxious. Say something only my real life Jamie would say.
“Damn, Sugar Maple," Jamie purrs, scratching his fingernails through Aiden’s beard. “Were you trying to actually tease me to death? Not that I’m complaining. Like - I’m gonna need you to do that again, actually. Soon. It might literally end my life, but I’m weirdly okay with that. Totally worth it.”
Aiden lets out a startled laugh, then bites his lip, a second wave of warmth rolling over the first. He curls his fingers beneath Jamie’s chin, glides his thumb over his lips.
My Jamie, he thinks. Really mine.
“I love you,” he says, and experiences that strange little trill he always gets at being able to say it out loud.
Jamie’s playful expression grows serious, but stays warm. He moves closer to Aiden, sighs happily, and cuddles up against him.
“I love you, too, Aiden.”
Maybe one day Aiden will reach the point where he never doubts that this is all real. Maybe. He’s not sure.
It’s just that it’s kind of difficult, when every single thing about this feels far, far too good to be true.
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