Special Episode: Catch (Part II)
This episode is part of a larger story, Soft Touch. If you haven’t yet, you can go back and read it from the beginning right here.
Luca has been aching for Roger for so long. But after last night’s realization, he’s finding himself overwhelmed by a major intensification of all the powerful feelings he was already struggling to cope with. A deepening and a heightening of all of it, everything.
He always thought that what he wanted with Roger was unattainable. Possibility changes everything.
Slipping into the fire station after his shift is something Luca has done more times than he can count, but this afternoon, it floods him with a giddy wave of nerves and heartbeat flutters. He pauses just inside the door, fidgeting with the strap of his backpack, then with the sleeve of his hoodie.
He’s recounted everything about the conversation he had with Roger last night a million times. Thought himself in circles all day long at the hospital.
Now that he’s here, everything is adding to the butterflies. The stickered and postered walls, the firefighter’s street jackets hanging from their pegs in a straight row, the shafts of sunlight falling over the little kitchen Luca just entered through the side door.
He wanted to look really good when he came to the fire station, a plan that’s gone about as wrong as any plan can go.
Cassie confirms this when she glances up at him, does a double-take, and draws back in alarm.
“Um, Luca.” She gets up from the kitchen table slowly, setting down her book. “You-”
“No, I know.” Luca winces deeply, looking down at the blood splattered across the front of his t-shirt and hoodie. He’s pretty sure some of it is flecked across his face, too. “I’m really glad no one was out on the sidewalk to see me like this on the way here.”
Cassie arches an eyebrow at him. “Fun day at the hospital?”
“Ugh.” Luca lets out a helpless groan, tipping his head back. “My shift was over, I was on my way out, I’d already changed back into my clothes, and the other ambulance brought in a patient who coded in the hallway. So I jumped in to help out, handle the blood-loss situation so that the EMTs who brought him in could deal with the - it’s a long story.”
“Okay,” Cassie says, with the air of gently pointing out something obvious, “So you didn’t want to go home and deal with this?”
“Well, I-” Luca shifts his backpack on his shoulders, hoping that the heat in his face isn’t showing. “I told Roger I’d come see him when I was done with work.”
“Mhm.” Cassie nods, fighting down a laugh. “And you figured getting blood all over yourself wasn’t a good enough reason to cancel that?”
I’ve been looking forward to this all day, Luca nearly answers, then bites it back just in time.
“Come on, it’s not all over, it’s not even that bad!” he groans. “And I was actually hoping I could use the fire station showers, then just change back into my uniform? The ones here are way better than the showers at the hospital.”
“Yeah, you can, but first you have to tell me everything.” Cassie cracks a knowing grin at him. “I heard you might be taken. Soon, anyways.”
Luca freezes up, staring at Cassie.
“I - what?” he manages, after a moment. “What are you talking about?”
Again, Cassie looks at him like it should be obvious.
“Salma, right? She came down to the station to say hi to me yesterday. She was telling all of us about how cute she thinks you are. And she said that you kissed her at the party she threw.”
“The-?” Luca’s head snaps back in surprise. “It was for truth or dare, it wasn’t a thing.”
“She made it sound like a thing,” Cassie answers, clearly surprised that Luca doesn’t know. “She told us that you kissed her so good she thinks you must like her, too.”
“It was for the game!” Luca protests, thrown completely off. “Was I supposed to kiss her badly, just because it was a dare? Wait, she… she came in here and told all of you…?”
Luca trails off, thinking about how Roger never said why he was in such a bad mood yesterday.
“Not all of us,” Cassie clarifies. “Just me and Andrew, I think. Oh, and Roger. I remember because Salma asked him if he had any tips for her about you, since he’s your best friend. But yeah, she said she was gonna try to catch you at Juni’s last night, that’s why I thought you knew. Why, did she not end up going?”
Luca’s head is spinning. He remembers how miserable Roger was last night, and not in a playful or joking way. Not even in a way he would talk about with Luca. He was quietly, deeply upset. That crushed, agonized look that flashed across his face for a split second…
“I didn’t even know about any of that,” Luca manages, giving himself a shake. “I think I might have accidentally given Salma the impression that I, um - do you think if she brings it up again, you can sort of drop a hint, in a nice way, that I - it was truth or dare, I wasn’t-”
“Oh, gotcha. No problem. Don’t worry, I can be subtle.” Cassie sits back down at the table and opens her book again, flashing Luca a reassuring smile. “Anyways, you know where the showers are.”
“Thanks, Cassie! Where’s Roger?”
“Doing maintenance on one of the trucks. You’ll see him.”
Luca had intended to slip around Roger, hopefully without being seen. Get to the showers first, get himself looking much better than this. But after what he thinks he just figured out, the thought of Roger in the other room is irresistible. Luca urgently needs to see him, right now.
He pushes open the door to the big, concrete garage that houses the two firetrucks. He finds it full of sunlight and empty of people, except for one strong, graceful form on the far side.
Roger is kneeling down next to the shiny red side of the truck, his back to Luca. He’s wearing his navy-blue station clothes. There are a few mechanic’s tools scattered on the floor near him, his frosty glass water bottle beside those. As Luca watches, Roger takes a sip from it without taking his eyes off of the truck, focused completely on what he’s doing.
The garage door is up, open. A soft fall of fading, late afternoon sunlight lingers on Roger’s broad shoulders and shines on his black curls, illuminates the dusting of fine hair on his musclebound forearms. Lighting its way across the white FIRE/RESCUE stamped across the back of his shirt.
Luca stops just inside the garage and stares at him, his heart hammering.
“I know those footsteps,” Roger says affectionately, without turning around. “D’you get held up at the hospital?”
Luca silently begins to cross the huge, airy room to Roger, not sure what he’s doing. Roger picks up his water bottle again, gets to his feet, and straightens up. Stretches his arms over his head with a soft hiss, like his muscles are a little sore from yesterday’s shift.
Luca stops behind him. Roger turns around to face him, a warm smile turning up his full, dusky lips.
“You’re so late, Luc. I was just starting to get w-”
Roger cuts himself off instantly, his eyes going right to the blood on Luca’s shirt and flecked across his face. The color drains from Roger’s face in a heartbeat, and his smile is gone just as fast.
The water bottle slips from his hands, crashes to the floor, and shatters into pieces.
Before Luca can blink, Roger takes his face in his hands. His calloused fingers are trembling against Luca’s skin, and he lets out a sharp, unsteady exhale as he peers down into Luca’s face, his eyes enormous with distress.
“Hey, Roger, it’s okay!” Luca says, all in a rush. “I’m okay, it’s not mine.”
Roger is breathing hard, and he doesn’t seem to hear Luca, so Luca pins on - “It’s just from the hospital, I had already changed out of my uniform, there was - it’s a long story.”
Roger blinks hard a few times as Luca’s words slowly sink in. Very slowly, he lets his hands drop from Luca’s face, then quickly swipes the back of his hand beneath his nose. He looks shaken like someone who just saw everything they care about in the whole world nearly come apart in their hands.
“What the fuck,” he stammers, in a hoarse, trembling voice. “Luc. Don’t - don’t ever do that to me again, please. A thing like that can fucking kill a man, holy shit.”
“I’m sorry,” Luca murmurs, staring at Roger with wide eyes. “I didn’t know that you would get so, um - and I - I forgot about it.”
He did, honestly. It may as well have not been there as he stood looking at Roger across the garage. He’s barely aware of it even right now. Far more aware of the way his cheeks are burning where Roger’s shaking fingers were pressed a few seconds before.
“You forgot about it?” Roger asks weakly, pushing an anguished hand through his black curls. “Some - something is wrong with you. I mean it.”
“Okay, well, now you know how I feel when you turn up to see me all sooty!” Luca protests. “And smelling like smoke! Or covered with broken glass, like the time you had to smash your way out of a window!”
Roger tilts his head to the side in surprise, staring into Luca’s eyes.
“That’s how you feel?” he asks, taken aback. “When I-?”
“Yes, man,” Luca answers without thinking, then pauses, realizing what he’s saying. “It’s - I was just gonna use the showers here, if that’s okay?”
“Yeah, we should - I mean - you go ahead.” Roger gives his head a hard shake, trying to pull himself together, then looks searchingly at Luca. “You’re sure you’re alright?”
“Yeah. Biggest problem is that I ruined all of my favorite clothes in one fell swoop.” Luca looks sadly down at his outfit. The jeans, t-shirt, and hoodie he thinks he looks the best in. He specifically wore them to see Roger today. He looks back up at Roger, breaks into a helpless smile. “Guess it happens. Can’t dwell on things like that, right?”
Roger stares at him for a few moments, then lets out a sound almost like a whimper, dropping his face into his hand.
Luca’s hand reaches out to hover halfway to Roger, his heart filling with concern. “You okay, man?”
Roger pinches the bridge of his nose in an agonized way with one hand, flings out the other to point at the locker rooms. “I’m fine, just - please go fucking shower, dude.”
Luca spins around and sets off, shrugging his backpack higher on his shoulders. “I’ll be back soon, wait for me!”
“My shift isn't even over yet, and I’ve gotta clean up the broken glass!” Roger calls after him, but Luca doesn’t call anything back.
The blush in his cheeks is going to give him away if he turns around, and something in his voice would if he tried to answer.
He ends up taking a very cold shower, but nothing takes the heat out of his face where Roger just held it. Luca can close his eyes and trace the outlines of his huge handprints. He can feel the exact place where Roger has that tiny burn scar on his thumb.
Roger has never touched Luca’s face like that before, never done anything remotely like that before.
That may have been the first time that Luca has ever seen Roger scared by anything. And scared like that? Definitely the first and only time.
Luca remembers Roger’s fingers pressed against his cheeks, his intense blue-green eyes staring so deeply into Luca’s. A bolt of electricity flashes down his spine, making him shiver beneath the falling water.
Luca is all cleaned up and pulled back together on the surface when he gets out of the shower, but it takes his fumbling fingers a few tries to get the buttons of his uniform done up.
He glances at himself in the mirror when he’s finally ready to go. His cheeks are glowing with crimson color, but Roger probably thinks that he was taking a hot shower, so he can get away with it.
But Luca has decided that he doesn’t want to get away with it. Not for one more minute. He can’t take this anymore.
The very last of his restraint has officially shattered.
~~~
Luca’s heart stops when he steps back out into the garage. Roger isn’t there.
“He said to tell you he went out the side door,” Cassie calls from the kitchen, rescuing Luca from an internal meltdown with only seconds to spare. “Guess he felt like being outside? You know how Roger is.”
“Oh,” Luca says, closing his eyes. Thank god. “Thanks, Cassie!”
He leaves his backpack near the locker rooms and heads out through the open roll-up door of the garage. His heart floods with warm relief when he comes around the side of the station and finds Roger standing there.
He’s leaning back against the wall between two trees, breathing deeply, kneading his thumb into his palm. He was staring blankly down at the pavement, but he looks up at Luca when he hears him coming.
The immensity of the relief in his eyes is obvious. He lets his gaze linger on Luca, taking in the sight of him now that he’s changed back into his clean paramedic blues. No signs left of what was there before.
“So you’re a first responder who’s squeamish about blood?” Luca asks teasingly, coming to a stop beside him. “What are you, entry-level? Who do I talk to about getting your pay decreased?”
“Good luck with that, you dumb clown, I’m a union man,” Roger answers distractedly. His eyes are still roving over Luca like he’s checking for any signs of injury. “And I’m fine with blood, okay? I’m not fine with you covered in blood. So. Don’t fucking do that again, please.”
“Okay,” Luca laughs, unable to stop himself. “Roger-”
“Go on and laugh at me, man,” Roger groans, rubbing his arm, slightly abashed. “Pretty funny, huh? Fuck you.”
“That wasn’t because it was funny, it’s because this is-” So sweet. “So dumb. I’m fine! Look at me. You can see that I’m okay.”
He smiles earnestly up at Roger. Biting the inside of his cheek a little bit, because he can’t help it. His entire body is full of heat, burning up. Ironic that being so close to the firefighter makes invisible flames run all over him like this.
Roger takes in the look on Luca’s face, then lets out a long, slow exhale. He finally seems to relax, his broad shoulders losing their tense tightness, his worried expression melting into one of pure relief.
“Alright,” he murmurs. “Okay.”
Luca watches the expression in Roger’s eyes. He fights down a tidal wave of shyness and nervousness, then says -
“Sure you’re all good, Roger? Breathing okay, or do you need mouth-to-mouth? Have I mentioned that I’m certified, by the way?”
“Yeah, yeah.” Roger lets out an exasperated laugh, finally breathing again. “Go on and keep givin’ me shit about it. I can do this all goddamn day, so long as you don’t have blood all over you.”
Luca blinks at Roger, caught off-guard. Normally Roger is always flirting with him, but Luca just gave him a perfect opening, and he didn’t take it.
Kind of like… he didn’t recognize it for what it was, not at all. Maybe because Luca has never reciprocated, Roger isn't even listening for it anymore.
“Quiet now?” Roger quirks a dark eyebrow. “Done trying to stress me out? Next you’re gonna start telling me that you secretly like messing around with matches. Playing with fire.”
Maybe, Luca thinks, his eyes lingering on Roger’s mouth for a split second.
He forces himself back into the present moment, then shakes his head at Roger. “No, and that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Suspiciously fast change of subject, man,” Roger laughs, then stops abruptly. “Wait, what? Talk to me about…?”
“Just, um - the conversation we were having last night,” Luca begins haltingly, struggling for the right words. “I didn’t really get to say it, since we got distracted by the storm, but - that stuff you said, about why you wanted to get back together with Jamie-”
“Ugh, Luc.” Roger winces with his whole face, dropping his head. “Don’t talk about it anymore. I’ve been such a fucking idiot. Wish I’d slowed down to think about my reasons ages ago.”
“Please let me say one more thing?” Luca looks at Roger with pleading eyes. “And then I’ll drop it.”
Roger lifts his head with a deep, heavy sigh. “Something tells me you’re gonna do it regardless of what I say.”
But Luca can see the questioning, curious way Roger is looking at him. He fidgets with his uniform for a moment, nervous all over again.
“What you said about how you don’t want to be like your father. About - keeping people in your life by being good to them?”
Roger cringes, then leaves one eye closed. He looks like he was hoping Luca had forgotten about that part.
“I just wanted to say that you’re already doing a great fucking job at that,” Luca blurts out, all in a rush. “Even Jamie told you that the breakup wasn’t because of anything you’d done wrong. I think you, um. Let your own stuff get in the way of hearing that. But I can tell you now, since you’re listening. You’re a really, really good guy, Roger. That’s actually underselling it, because you’re - like - exceptional. And people see that. I know that I - I definitely do…”
Luca falters on the last part, swallows, and falls silent. The blush in his cheeks must have just multiplied in leaps and bounds, based on the heat lingering in them. He feels like Roger must be able to feel it, even standing slightly apart from him.
There’s an electric silence, during which Roger stares at Luca with wide, startled eyes. Luca forces himself to meet his gaze, biting down hard on the inside of his cheek.
Roger quickly lets his gaze fall to the sidewalk between them. He stretches his arms out again all casually, but the muscle of his jaw is tensed and trembling a little. Rich black curls spill forward over his face, hiding his expression from Luca.
“I mean, I’ve seen you put your life on the line to rescue a hamster,” Luca adds. “So…”
Roger lets out a soft, unsteady laugh, then lifts his gaze to Luca’s. He’s blinking hard and fast, like he’s trying to get something out of his eyes.
He gives Luca a small, grateful smile, then affectionately slaps his shoulder. Pulls himself back together, his eyes flitting to the dusk colors slowly spreading across the sky overhead.
“So, it sounds like you’re pretty much over the whole thing with Jamie?” Luca asks slowly, his heart hammering.
“Man, I’ve been over it.” Roger shrugs his shoulders, looking sincerely unconcerned. “For a while, now. I haven’t even thought about him in a long time.”
“Oh,” Luca says, his already wild heartbeat spiking.
Apparently Roger forgot that the situation with Jamie was his excuse for why he was so upset yesterday.
And something about the way he’s looking at Luca…
A little burst of courage rises up in Luca’s chest.
“You know, I’m kind of floored to learn that you have issues that stem from a lack of self-confidence,” he says, in a teasing voice. “You, Roger? Really? You look like the guy who should be headlining the sexy fireman calendar.”
Luca’s heart is racing, his body humming with adrenaline. Roger, on the other hand, seems to have recovered from everything. He’s smiling warmly and calmly again, looking down into Luca’s eyes.
“Whatever, man. Everybody on the squad’s got issues. Sign up to be a volunteer firefighter, you’ll see.” He gives Luca a playful, mischievous smile. “We could use a cute rookie around here, anyways. And I’d be happy to train you.”
Luca is starting to suspect that Roger completely missed his attempt to flirt with him, once again. He’s flirting with Luca because that’s what he always does. He seems to have no inkling that Luca tried to flirt back. That - wasn’t obvious enough, apparently.
Luca is trembling slightly with deep nervousness. But he’s also full of newfound, growing determination.
Okay, Roger. You want to play? Let’s play.
Luca begins speaking again more slowly than before, and this time, he puts some sex into his voice. Drops it to a low, naughty purr.
“Hm. Maybe.” He matches Roger’s playful smile and tilts his head slightly to the side. Lets his eyes linger on Roger’s. “Does that involve spending all night alone with you at the station?”
Roger blinks at him.
“I-” he begins, then stops speaking very suddenly as it dawns on him that Luca, for the first time, just flirted back.
His beautiful blue-green eyes open very wide.
He blinks at Luca in blank-faced silence two or three more times, like his brain just shorted out. Then a deep, flaming blush deepens the warm complexion of his face.
He jerks his head back slightly and starts blinking very fast, staring down at Luca, rubbing his arm. He opens his mouth, closes it again. Sort of runs a hand over his face, almost like he’s trying to hide behind it.
Holy fuck, Luca thinks numbly, staring at him.
Roger - who has been flirting with Luca like a man born with no sense of shame since the first moment they met - suddenly looks overwhelmed with shyness.
Luca had no idea what kind of reaction to expect, but he most definitely did not expect that. Nothing could match the way his heart stumbles in adoration at the sight of this sweet, raw, exposed expression in Roger’s eyes.
It’s cold out here, but Luca is burning up. Sparkling electricity is swirling through him all over, everywhere. His breath is slowly, uncontrollably beginning to pick up.
“Alright, I deserve that,” Roger laughs suddenly, like it was a joke after all. “Point taken.”
It’s nearly imperceptible, but there’s a tiny, breathless shiver in his laughter. He sounds like he’s fumbling for his usual unshakeable rhythm, trying to get his casual, flirty smile back into place. But there’s a strange, begging look in his eyes, like - please don’t torture me.
“We’re talking way too much about my romantic life, by the way,” Roger informs Luca, stuffing his hands deep into his pockets. “What about you, man? You never talk about it. How are you still single? It makes no goddamn sense. Someone should have snapped you up by now.”
Luca’s heart is going to crack apart with nervousness - he’s only narrowly preventing himself from rocking back and forth on his heels - but he needs Roger to understand.
He gives Roger a little shrug, dropping his gaze to the sidewalk. “Guess I’ve just been waiting for Mr. Right to come along.”
Silence falls. No answer of any kind from Roger.
Luca glances up and finds himself staring right into Roger’s eyes. And Roger is once again staring at Luca like he just started speaking some previously unknown language.
There’s another beat of silence, during which Roger’s eyes become enormous as it sinks in.
“Mr. Right?” he repeats, speaking very slowly and softly. “But that’s me. Luc, that’s - me.”
Luca’s heart shoots up through his chest and explodes into brilliant golden lights. His breath surges, making him catch his lip between his teeth.
He steps closer to Roger, gazing up into his eyes, and gently caresses his cheek with his fingertips. Roger’s amber skin is burning, hot to the touch, and mind-meltingly soft, despite the overall hard cut of his body.
Luca’s heart cries out to breathlessly beg for more the instant his fingers make contact with Roger. He slowly pushes his palm up Roger’s jawline like he’s wanted to do for so long, and Roger stares down at him with huge eyes, holding perfectly still.
Luca leans in close, slowly drags the tip of his nose over Roger’s, and kisses him.
Everything around them seems to fall silent at once. So, so silent. A grain of dust could land on one of those early stars glinting in the twilight sky overhead, and Luca could have heard it in silence this deep.
But really it’s that he can’t hear anything, because he’s not listening to anything. All he can focus on is how it feels to kiss Roger.
Better than anything, Luca thinks deliriously, the only thought that can form in the mindless rush of sensation overwhelming him.
Everything else has melted away. Everything else is nothing. There’s only Roger’s lips, soft and hot like Luca always they imagined they’d be. The honey-sweet taste of them.
Roger’s breath catches sharply in his throat when Luca kisses him. His hands instantly fly up to take Luca by his hips, and his mouth falls open, lips parted.
Luca takes the opportunity to deepen the kiss, leaning his body all the way into Roger’s. He slides one hand up the back of Roger’s neck and runs his fingers through his soft, thick hair, then does it again, and this time takes hold of a fistful of it. Tangles his fingers in those flowing black curls, grasping Roger by it.
Roger’s already tight grip on Luca’s hips tightens. His breath escapes as a shaky, jagged exhale into Luca’s mouth.
Luca takes a deep breath of his own, and breathes in that cotton and coffee scent that means Roger.
He draws the kiss out for as long as he dares. Then he seals it off with a very, very gentle nip on Roger’s lower lip, and draws back.
He knows that he’s blushing deeply all the way across his cheeks and nose, glowing with giddy happiness. Dazed with pleasure, and more turned on than he would want to admit. He opens his eyes slowly and looks at Roger, hoping to see the same thing.
Then he freezes, thrown all the way off.
Roger is staring down at him with his mouth dropped open, his blue and green eyes perfectly round with astonishment. His shock is showing clearly on his face, like he had no idea that Luca was going to do that.
He and Luca both startle and whip around as alarms begin going off in the fire station. They both automatically begin to listen, and Luca lets out a soft breath of relief. It’s a two-alarmer, thank god. Luca is always afraid when Roger has to go face down a four-alarm fire.
There’s the muffled sound of boots thumping down the stairs inside, firefighters calling out to each other.
Luca and Roger look at each other again. Roger’s shift isn’t over yet, which means it’s his squad responding to the fire. He needs to go, and right now.
Cassie pushes open the side door of the station to shout through it. “Roger! Come on!”
Roger is still staring at Luca in stunned silence, but now he takes a few automatic steps backwards, then breaks into a run as he turns around. He’s gone through the door in a second, letting it swing shut after him.
Luca stays perfectly still for a minute, then slowly walks around to the front of the station. He peeks around the corner just in time to see the firetruck come roaring out of the garage and onto the street.
He catches the fastest glimpse of Roger, riding tailboard in his heavy firefighting gear for a few seconds before he climbs into the truck and disappears. He must have been a little behind everyone else.
Luca stares after the firetruck as it races around the corner, lights flashing and sirens wailing.
He doesn’t understand. What the fuck happened? Did Roger not want Luca to kiss him? How could Luca have misunderstood so badly? Where was there even room for a miscommunication? Didn’t Roger basically say to do it?
Very slowly, Luca goes into the now-empty station and stares around the garage, which looks bigger, missing one of its trucks. Also missing the bright yellow firefighting gear and uniforms that had been hanging from their pegs on the wall.
Luca’s eyes go to the empty space where Roger’s battered, soot-stained gear was hanging up a few seconds ago. His fire ax is gone, too. He took it with him. Luca remembers the bits of broken glass all over Roger after the call where he had to use it to smash his way out through a window.
Luca’s stomach does an anxious flip. He presses his trembling fingers to his mouth. He’s so helplessly bewildered right now, starting to breathe with rapid, shallow breaths. He can’t get his eyes to focus on anything.
He just doesn’t understand what happened. Did he just ruin everything, somehow? But how?
He forces himself to take deeper, longer breaths. His vision swims back into focus, and his eyes land on the little nameplate on the wall, just above the place where Roger’s gear would normally be hanging.
WRIGHT, it says.
And understanding crashes down on his head.
~~~~
Luca paces back and forth outside of Roger’s house, twilight deepening softly around him. His breath is puffing on the cold air in little clouds, which he walks right through without slowing down.
Despite their close friendship, Roger and Luca have never hung out at each other’s places. There’s only been one exception, when Roger got sick and Luca came over to take care of him. Even then, he only went into the kitchen and the living room. Not Roger’s bedroom.
But he instantly liked Roger’s small, two-story house, with its rough white stone walls and green window shutters. The trees growing right up against the sides. It’s towards the edge of Ketterbridge, which means it stands alone, with forest for its neighbors on either side. It means there’s always a fresh, sweet, woodsy smell in the air of Roger’s house.
Luca had walked around the living room slowly, breathing in the sweet-smelling air as he kept an eye on Roger, who was sprawled out on the couch in his pajama pants, his long legs hanging off the end. He was sweating and murmuring softly to himself, his skin burning. Way too out of it to talk to Luca, although every now and then he woke up and focused his vivid eyes on Luca intently, like he was trying to tell whether or not he was really there.
Luca remembers how he felt when he came out of the kitchen and found Roger fast asleep, his fever broken. Even knowing that Roger is a young and healthy man, even knowing that he would probably be fine - the immensity of Luca’s relief sent him gently down onto his knees near the couch, where he sat silently looking at Roger’s peaceful, sleeping face for a few minutes.
His heart twists at the memory. For the millionth time, he stares off down the curving forest road, searching for any signs of Roger’s car. But he doesn’t see it. He bites the inside of his cheek so hard that it hurts.
He barely managed to hold it together on the bus ride here. Ever since he figured it out, he’s been slowly going to pieces.
How could he have been so dumb? Roger Wright. Luca had said he was waiting for Mr. Right, an expression that Roger must not be familiar with. So of course he thought Luca said Mr. Wright, and of course he answered that’s me. He was confused, trying to figure out what Luca was saying.
That wasn’t him telling Luca it was okay to kiss him.
Which means that to Roger, it looks like Luca just made a move on him out of nowhere.
His mouth falling open when Luca kissed him - in shock. His hands taking Luca by the hips - automatic, a reflex. Roger didn’t give him any intentional reaction.
That kiss might have been totally unwanted, for all Luca knows.
Luca swallows hard and resumes his pacing, pushing a hand through his hair again. Some automatic internal voice begins noting down his symptoms.
Basic motor skills impaired. Balance gone. Breathing with difficulty. Blurred vision. He presses two fingertips to his own carotid artery. Pulse out of control.
Panic attack? suggests his internal diagnosis voice.
Yeah, fucking maybe. Luca is always the last person to panic, but right now he’s worked himself up into such a frenzy of distress and dismay that he honestly feels like he could cry.
He tries to straighten out his uniform as he walks, and stumbles over his backpack on the ground in his distraction. But that doesn’t slow down his pacing in the slightest.
No, I can fix this, he tells himself desperately. As soon as Roger is done with that call, I’ll fix this. Somehow. There’s got to be a way, right? There’s got -
Luca whips around, hearing tires on the road. His heart briefly stops as Roger’s car soars around the curve, going fast.
Luca stands frozen for a second, trembling all over, then rushes forward as Roger brings the car to a sharp stop in front of the house. Roger gets out and slams the door, then comes striding to meet Luca. There’s some soot on his forearms, and smudged on his cheek.
A very light, fine rain is slowly drifting down, catching and diffusing the last remnants of sunlight. It hangs in the air like glowing golden smoke, shimmering against the indigo twilight tint of everything. Like golden krill in a soft purple ocean.
Roger strides right through it, not seeing it. His eyes are on Luca, nothing else.
That’s all Luca’s brain has time to process before he hears himself start talking. Or not really talking - he’s babbling hysterically, barely intelligible even to himself.
“Roger,” he gasps hoarsely, rushing for him. “Oh my god, man, I’m so - I’m so s-sorry! I thought you meant - I thought you - I can explain, can you just let me expl-?”
Roger reaches Luca without slowing down, takes his face in both hands, and kisses him.
The kiss cuts off everything that Luca was about to say, obliterates every thought from his mind. The panic-stricken haze is gone in an instant. The feeling of Roger’s mouth against his mouth throws heat all the way up Luca’s body in one powerful, incendiary wave, knocking the breath out of his lungs.
Without thinking, Luca kisses Roger back, his hands reaching around to seize two fistfuls of the back of his shirt. Mouths still locked together, they go stumbling a few steps on the power of Roger’s momentum, until Luca’s back hits the wall of the house.
Roger uses his muscled body to press him against it, and Luca’s racing pulse registers another extreme spike, his trembling breaths stumbling over each other.
Roger is kissing him deeply, urgently, hungrily. Luca kisses him back the same way, his hands sliding up the hard muscle of Roger’s back, his body melting as Roger coaxes his mouth further open for a better taste of him. His skin is burning hot to Luca’s touch, hotter than it was when he had a fever.
The way Roger kisses Luca… it’s better than Luca fantasized it would be. And he thought he’d set his expectations way too high.
In other ways it’s exactly what he thought it would be. Sweet and dirty and full of tenderness, all at once. At the same time, as wild and fierce as Roger is.
But even if it wasn’t, Luca’s heart would be soaring. Because it’s Roger.
Roger and Luca only break apart when they have to stop, to come up for air.
Luca stands perfectly still with his eyes closed for a moment. Then he slowly opens them and looks hazily up at Roger. Panting, clinging tightly to the back of Roger’s station t-shirt, his pupils blown out. His cheeks are scorched with a flaming blush, his every nerve ending peaked.
Roger is reeling, too. His cheeks are just as deep a shade of crimson as Luca’s, his musclebound chest rising and falling fast with his breaths.
The two of them stare at each other in matching awe, panting.
Are you the firefighter, Luca wonders, gazing up into those oasis eyes, Or are you the fire?
Because Luca is melted, dissolved, welded to Roger. Invisible flames are racing up and down his body, leaving soft kisses of pure heat and electricity in their wake. They source from all of the places where his panting body is pressed to Roger’s.
Roger slowly breaks into a warm, massive smile, and Luca feels the same thing happening on his own face.
They both break into soft, wild, intoxicated laughter at the same time. Gazing deep into each other’s eyes, everything finally laid bare.
Roger curls his knuckles, gives Luca’s cheek a gentle pinch, then leans in to put their foreheads together. The smell of clean cotton, of burnt wood, of flames.
Luca closes his eyes, hoping this isn’t all a very vivid daydream.
“Wait a sec.” Roger straightens up and draws back to look at Luca. “What were you talking about? Explain what? Sorry for what?”
“Oh, um.” Luca shakes his head, waves a shaky hand at Roger. “Nothing. Forget it. Doesn’t - doesn’t matter.”
“Okay.” Roger lets out a puzzled, affectionate laugh, then bites his lip eagerly as he looks down at Luca. “Man, you sure as fuck took me by surprise.”
“I don’t know how I managed that one,” Luca laughs, still trying to get his breath back. “I was actively trying not to.”
“I mean, I didn’t know-” Roger is still trying to get his breath back, too. “So you’re - bi, or…?”
Luca hesitates for a second. He never knows how to expect gay men or straight women to react to this. It hasn’t always gone perfect, even sometimes when no harm was intended. It’s one of the reasons Luca hasn’t told Roger yet, along with the mountain of shyness he would have to climb.
But it’s Roger.
Luca nods tentatively, looking up at Roger with searching eyes.
Roger instantly breaks into a giant, relieved grin. “Thank god, man. Been hoping for so long, but I didn’t know - I figured you would have fucking said something to me by now!”
“I didn’t realize at the time that this would be the reaction,” Luca answers unsteadily, placing a hand over his own heart. It’s so full of warmth right now that it’s almost painful. “Jesus Christ, Roger. I think I’ve had several major cardiac events in the last twenty-four hours.”
“Oh, yeah?” Roger’s grin widens, grows a little sly. “You up for a few more?”
“There he is,” Luca laughs, winding his arms around Roger’s waist.
Roger beams down at him, his eyes glowing, reflecting back the same expression in Luca’s own. He tilts forward, and kisses Luca again.
But this time he kisses Luca slowly. So lightly and softly, the barest brushing his parted lips against Luca’s, with a depth of gentleness Luca wouldn’t have expected from him. Luca’s breathing stops, then picks up again, his hands going to Roger’s waist.
They melt against each other again, Luca once more pressed up against the wall. They lose themselves again in deep, lingering kisses, but now slowly, slowly.
By the time they break apart, it’s all they can do to stare at each other and try to stay on their feet. Heat-glazed eyes locked, breaths rising and falling fast, hands clutching each other’s uniforms.
The misty rain has turned silver with moonlight when Luca finally blinks and looks around, remembering where they are. Roger’s eyes follow his, so he comes to the realization at the same time.
“Oops,” he says, glancing at the road. “Pretty - pretty lucky no cars drove past, huh? Especially in a town this small.”
Luca lets out a helpless laugh and drops his head, hides his face against Roger’s tattooed neck. Roger goes very still, then softly enfolds Luca in his muscled arms. Luca feels the soft, affectionate laugh that Roger breathes out as a vibration against his nose.
“Well, whatever,” Luca murmurs happily. “I don’t care if people know about us.”
“Us,” Roger repeats softly, then falls silent for a second.
When he speaks again, his voice is picking up in speed, in breathlessness, in stumbled words.
“So - it’s not a casual thing, for you? Because, um - the last guy I promised I could keep things casual with, I ended up asking to move in with me, and he wasn’t even you, so - I - I just like you so much, Luc. I definitely can’t, um - to me, this is-”
Roger cuts himself off sharply, his body all tensed up, so Luca draws back to let him see the radiant smile on his face. It’s been there the whole time, but he didn’t want to let it show and accidentally put a stop to Roger’s sweet, flustered words.
Roger blinks hard at him, then slowly matches his smile. He gazes down at Luca in dazed silence. Lets out a soft, breathless laugh.
“But, I mean - we can keep it on the down-low, if that’s what you prefer,” Luca hastily adds. “I understand, if that’s what you want. I’m always up for a little sneaking around, anyways.”
A familiar, playful, devious smile turns up the corners of Roger’s mouth.
Without a word, he slips his keys out of his pocket and begins to unlock the house. He does it all in a rush, dramatically pretending to keep a watch out for any passing cars.
Luca bites back a grin. “What are you doing, man?”
Roger presses a shushing finger over his lips, steps into his house, then reaches out and catches Luca’s hand. Practically yanks him inside, with Luca laughing happily as he does it.
But Roger can’t keep up the sneaking around joke for long.
He bends to kiss Luca again before the door even swings shut after them.
Want to leave a comment? I would love it if you did, and you can do so on the Tapas episode!