Chapter Eighteen - Flowering
This episode is part of a larger story, Soft Touch. If you haven’t yet, you can go back and read it from the beginning right here.
Aiden and I didn’t plan to throw a housewarming party, but our first day at the house ends up feeling like one.
We come back with the stuff from his apartment to find that Raj, Noah, Kent, and Ripley are already done getting the furniture placed where we wanted it. But they end up hanging out for a while afterwards, having a few beers in our new kitchen, filling it up with laughter.
They even have a few gifts for me and Aiden. Kent goes to his car and returns with a pretty flower arrangement for the kitchen, which he and Destinee made together during their overlapping shift at the shop.
Ripley gives us a frame for the drawing of me that he gave Aiden for his birthday, informs us that now we have the wall space to hang it. I protest and grumble about the whole idea of having a framed portrait of me up on the wall in our house, but Aiden is so obviously happy at the prospect that eventually I let it go.
Noah brought a set of small outdoor lights. Each one is secured to a spike that can be pushed directly into the earth. He sets them up for us, making it so that the natural pathway leading to the gate of our house won’t be dark at night. He tests them out, and they cast a gentle, warm glow over the nature-formed tunnel, one just strong enough to lightly touch the arching roof of greenery.
Raj had hand-carved a beautiful wooden cooking spoon for Aiden. He explains that it’s a gift for me, too, because I get to eat the food that Aiden makes with it. Honestly, I couldn’t agree more.
We have other visitors to the house throughout the afternoon. Angie stops by to meet Luna and give her an at-home checkup, making sure that she’s healthy. She is, which means that Aiden and I were right in our guess that she doesn’t yowl because anything is wrong with her.
“That’s just how she talks, I guess,” Angie explains, laughing.
My parents arrive not long after Angie and the guys take off, and they have their own handfuls of surprises for us. My dad brought a bag of bagels and a set of new locks for our doors.
“Bagels and lox!” he announces, then grins triumphantly at his own joke, which tells me that he’s been holding onto that one for a while.
Everyone groans at him, but the joke lands better than he realizes. Someone loved it. Will - who is apparently very fond of my dad and his dad jokes - bursts into laughter instantly and wholeheartedly.
My mom brought us paper bundles of fresh herbs, just picked from her springtime garden. She leaves them in the kitchen and goes rushing from room to room, talking excitedly about each small detail of the house she discovers.
Aunt Sarah is our last visitor of the day. She arrives when the sun is starting to fall, a quiet knock on the door.
Aiden and I give her a tour of the house. I see her smile at the mismatched windows, the colorful walls, the curved ceiling of the cozy kitchen.
“It looks like you two,” she tells us.
She brought over things for the pantry, a few favorites that she and Aiden both like to cook and bake with. Mahleb and cardamom and sugar-coated almonds. Some of what she brought, she made herself. Orange blossom and rose waters, spiced sugar syrup, rose petal jelly.
But the real gift is the last one she gives us. A folded field of soft cotton, sage green in color. It’s embroidered with stunning, intricate designs, and long strings of words in Farsi.
Aiden recognizes it instantly and falls perfectly silent, staring at his aunt with wide eyes.
Aunt Sarah explains to me that it’s a sofreh, a Persian covering for the table in a house where everyone eats. A very meaningful, special thing that there’s not quite an exact translation for. It has to do with love, hospitality, family.
I listen to her as she tells me about it, but I also keep glancing at Aiden, surprised at how strong of a reaction he’s having to Aunt Sarah giving us this gift. He looks absolutely staggered, and he hasn’t said a word.
“It was his grandfather’s,” Aunt Sarah tells me, when she sees me looking at Aiden for an explanation. “It’s been in the family for a very long time.”
“You’re-” Aiden struggles for a second, his voice scraping. “You’re giving it to me, Auntie?”
Aunt Sarah puts it into his hands, then gently touches his cheek. “I think your grandpa would have wanted you to have it, sweetheart.”
Aiden stares down at it for a long, silent moment, then swallows hard and looks up at his aunt. He looks like he has a lot he wants to say, but he doesn't even try to. It must simply be too much.
His expression speaks for him, though, and his aunt understands. She smiles up at him, laughs as she lets herself be folded up into a huge, all-encompassing Aiden hug.
I let him walk her out, thinking they might want a moment alone together. I’m gently and carefully folding up the sofreh when Aiden comes quietly back. I turn to find him leaning a shoulder against the doorway of the kitchen, his hands stuffed in his pockets, his blue eyes watching me.
He doesn’t say a word, but I can see so clearly how happy he is.
I go over and twine my arms around him, rest the side of my face against his chest. He locks his arms around me, then takes a deep breath of my hair.
We stand there together, holding each other, alone in our house.
Something warm touches me right down to my soul. A kind of profound, blissful contentment that I feel at my very core. So powerful that I imagine it radiating out from me, just like the golden light emanating from Aiden right now. I could almost start swaying on the spot from the feeling. I could almost melt into the floor.
I burrow my face deep into Aiden’s chest, drawing a soft huff of laughter from him. He buries his nose in my hair again, wraps one huge hand around the back of my neck.
He opens the connection, just enough for us to talk. He’s either too shy to share his emotions with me right now, or else concerned about overwhelming me with them.
I love you, Linden, he murmurs.
His deep, rich voice rolls through me like a gentle rumble of thunder. I close my eyes, hiding my smile against his chest.
I love you too, Sugar Maple. Welcome home.
~~~~
I stand in the garden alone. Hugging myself, breathing deeply, slowly looking around.
The night sky is warm and dark, the scattered stars glittering silently. Wispy clouds pick up the brilliance of them and turn mystical colors. Lavender, indigo, deep violet.
Moonlight melts down over the garden. It shimmers on the wild overgrowth, dances through the swaying branches of the weeping willow, pools on the mossy stone benches.
A soft rain begins to fall, and the scent of the garden - flowers, evergreens, and earth - grows even richer, floods through the air. I close my eyes and take another long, deep breath.
I’ve been happily unpacking while Aiden cooks dinner, but now that it’s getting late, I’ve found myself thinking of my old apartment.
I found myself picturing it as it is right now. Dark, silent, empty.
The thought made something in my chest start to ache, as if my old place is anxiously waiting for me and Aiden to come back. I felt a wild urge to go rushing back over there.
But then I came out here to get some air, and now…
I open my eyes again, silently gaze around at the garden. Drops of rain are clinging to every leaf and branch. The moonlight transforms them into thousands of tiny pearls. The pines beyond the walls are vast pillars, needles shuffling softly in the rain.
I trail my fingers over some of the wild foliage, over the blanket of moss and lichen on the brick garden walls. Then I turn to look at the house.
There’s a wide kitchen window that faces the garden. A warm, comforting glow spills out of it, splashing the nearest plants with golden light.
I can see Aiden through the window. Leaning over the stove, absorbed in making us dinner.
I thought he’d be worn out from a full day of moving, so I expected him to cook us something simple. But he’s blazing with energy, determined to go all out.
He’s soaking strands of saffron in warm water. Carefully sprinkling out flaky sea salt. Adding butter to the tahdig, making sure that the rice comes out crispy and golden. The kitchen counters are scattered with fresh garlic and cut herbs, chopped nuts and golden raisins. The rose water that Aunt Sarah gave us has already been put to use.
Aiden is even hand-making dessert. He baked a batch of soft, plump cookies, then dipped them into melted chocolate.
I really wasn’t sure why he had his heart set on making us such a beautiful, elaborate dinner tonight. Why it’s so important to him that all of the food comes out perfect. But now, after seeing the sofreh, I understand.
This is a love language for Aiden. One handed down through his family for a very long time.
He left the kitchen window pushed open. A rich, toasty warm smell gently wafts out through it, reaching me all the way out here. The scent of each delicious thing that Aiden is making, all woven together into one.
I hear the soft clink of dishes as he works. I see the fragrant steam fogging the bottom corners of the window panes.
My eyes move slowly over the house, its ivy-covered walls. Golden light overflows from every window. Aiden lit the fireplace in the living room earlier, and a line of slow-moving smoke winds its way up into the rainy night sky from the chimney.
I can see the tree branch climbing in through the perpetually open window into our bedroom. Beyond it is our bed, heaped with thick blankets.
The garden sighs contentedly in the light breeze, and in the kitchen, Aiden lifts his snapback. He pushes his chestnut hair out of his eyes, then settles the snapback onto his head again and turns to stir something on the stove, his blue eyes intent on what he’s doing.
I take a moment to absorb it all. The soft golden light, Luna sleeping peacefully in the window, Aiden quietly working in the kitchen.
The ache in my heart eases up, then melts away.
Someone else will come along to love my old apartment. But this, here - this is where I’m meant to be.
I smile to myself, then head back inside, slowly turning the ring around my finger. Feeling completely, absolutely at home.
~~~~
I’ve always felt like Aiden and I can step together into a world we have all to ourselves. But now we actually have one. Being here with him - it’s like a dream.
We realize that we don’t have a dining table to put the sofreh on, so Aiden suggests that we spread it on the rug instead. He laughs when I look scandalized at the prospect of putting this beautiful thing on the floor. He informs me that this is actually the more traditional way to do it.
So we sit with the sofreh spread over one of the deep, soft rugs in the living room, covered with the mouth-watering food that Aiden made for us. We eat slowly, by the light of the fireplace and the fireflies. Luna dozes on the nearby armchair, her chin resting on her paws.
Aiden and I fall into one of those long, effortless talks we so often have with each other. We talk about the rounded gate, the cat named Luna, the moon-shaped windows, and we laugh at the irony. A sun magician, living in a moon house.
We talk about Will and Kasey’s new place, which Aiden has yet to take me to see, but which Kasey is ecstatic about.
“I actually had an idea for a housewarming gift for the ghosts,” Aiden tells me. “Might be stupid, though.”
I just think it’s sweet that he thought of that, honestly. “Oh, yeah? Try me.”
He nibbles his lip for a moment before he answers. “There was a line of poetry in that book you gave me... I thought it suits the ghosts. Thought maybe we could write it out, frame it for them.”
I look at him curiously. “What was the line?”
“It was…” Aiden closes his eyes to remember it. “To mine own shadow, a twinnèd shade.”
I stare up at Aiden, then let out a helpless laugh, burrowing my face into his neck. “Oh, my god.”
“What? Is it stupid?”
“No, it’s… no.” I draw back and gaze up at him, my eyes full of love. “It’s perfect. Let’s do that.”
Aiden smiles, kisses my fingertips.
We fall into a long silence as we clean up after dinner. But it’s one of those rich silences that I’ve come to love so much, being with Aiden. I’m aware of his warm presence beside me the whole time.
We have other ways of speaking, besides words. The way Aiden repeatedly stops to fold his arms around me, to hold me for a quick moment. The way I repeatedly realize that I’ve forgotten what I’m doing, that I’m just standing there looking at him. The little kisses and touches every time we pass by each other. The long, warm glances we share.
All I can think about is that we get to do this night after night, now.
We head upstairs, and I get to see the house wearing only moonlight for the first time. It makes the place beautiful in a mysterious way. The white light glimmering on all the hidden cabinets built into the walls. The wild nature growing right up to the windows.
Aiden and I take a long, slow shower together in our new bathroom, surrounded by forest-green glass tiles. Then we walk hand-in-hand into our new bedroom.
The walls in here are alternatingly white and apricot in color. The breeze is rustling the leaves on the tree branch that grows in through the window.
The bed is tucked neatly into the alcove carved out of the wall. I get in right away, sinking down into the cozy blankets as Aiden lights the little cast-iron stove in the corner.
Our bed, I think to myself wonderingly. Our bedroom.
Aiden turns the lights off, leaving us in the gentle red-gold glow of the stove. Then he crosses back to me, the low light licking against his sculpted bronze body.
Luna follows at his heels. She springs lightly onto the end of the bed and stretches out comfortably, starts grooming her grey fur as Aiden climbs up to join me beneath the covers.
I curl into the heat of his body and close my tired eyes. The rain patters down outside, falling softly against the leaves of the garden, making quiet music. I listen to the steady thump of Aiden’s heartbeat, melting into his arms.
We lay still for some time, exhausted but happy.
“Aiden,” I sigh softly.
He’s gently twining a strand of my hair around his finger. “Mmm?”
“Can I ask you something?”
His finger pauses in its movements. “Okay?”
“How could you honestly think that I wouldn’t want this?” I spread a hand on his chest, push him back so I can look at him. “Even today? Like - to the point that you didn’t pack your stuff, just in case?”
I push a lingering kiss onto his mouth, one saturated with love.
“Don’t you know how I feel about you?” I murmur, my lips lightly brushing against his as I speak. “By now?”
Aiden swallows, then draws back, looking at me.
He goes silent for a very long time. I wait, looking back at him.
I get the sense that he’s weighing whether or not to share something with me, so I don’t say a word. I let him think it all the way through. The silence stretches on and on, and then -
“Okay,” Aiden says slowly. “So - gonna take a hit to my pride, telling you about this. It’s embarrassing.”
I tip my head to the side curiously, waiting for him to go on. He lets out a heavy breath before he does, his cheeks starting to color up.
“You know how long I’ve felt the way I do about you, Keane. And I, um. Had dreams about you way before you might realize. Like - even in high school.”
I blink at Aiden, caught by surprise. I didn’t know where this was going, but I definitely didn’t expect it to go here.
“Most of them were nice dreams.” Aiden runs a hand down the side of my body, then huffs out a little laugh. “If fucking frustrating.”
I laugh softly, too, then fall silent.
“But, um…” Aiden’s eyes quickly grow serious again. “Some of them…”
He trails off, takes a second to organize his thoughts.
“You - you know all the shit my mom said to me,” he says haltingly. “About love, and - trusting people to love me.”
My heart twists sharply. I nod slowly at Aiden, my smile slipping away.
“You have no idea how much I believed her.” Aiden touches a thumb to my chin, looking deeply into my eyes. “You gotta understand that I was always looking at you, like - that guy is only gonna break your heart.”
I take his wrist in my fingers, forcing myself to keep quiet.
“So I would have this dream sometimes, in high school.” Aiden breaks his gaze away from mine, stares over my shoulder instead. “In the dream, I was leaving Ketterbridge after graduation, like I’d always planned to do. Only - I had asked you to come with me, and you’d said yes.”
Another long silence. I get the sense that Aiden is gathering his courage, that this is something particularly difficult for him to share.
“Dream logic is weird,” he goes on, still avoiding my eyes. “For some reason I was leaving on foot, down this really long road. You had promised that you were gonna grab your stuff and catch up with me. And in the dream, I fully believed that you loved me back. I had this unshakable faith, total certainty that you felt the same way about me that I do about you. So I started walking, and I was so happy, I was so sure that you were really gonna come with me.”
A tortured look comes over Aiden’s blue eyes.
“But, um - you didn’t,” he struggles on, his deep voice roughening. “You decided you didn’t actually want me. You never showed up, even knowing that it meant we would never see each other again. Knowing that the whole way, I would keep stopping and looking back for you, until eventually I would realize, that, um...”
He trails off, blinking hard. I stare at him, my heart struck with a deep, wrenching ache. The look on his face alone would knock me to my knees, if we were upright.
“Oh, Aiden,” I whisper, in a soft, pained voice.
I take his head in my arms, unable to stop myself, and he hides his face in my neck.
“I fucking hated that dream.” His voice is so quiet, so ragged around the edges. “To be honest, I - I’d wake up from that one already crying.”
I tighten my arms around Aiden and shut my eyes, burying my nose in his soft chestnut hair.
It’s a long, long moment before I can bear to let him go. He’s managed to get his breath back by the time I do. He lays back and pushes a hand through his chestnut hair.
“The point is,” he says softly, “It’s real hard for me to grasp that you’re really, actually coming with me, this time.”
I tuck my fingers beneath his chin, raise his face to mine, and look right into his eyes.
“Well,” I murmur, “Here we are.”
Aiden gazes back at me, then sits up in the bed, rests his elbows on his knees. He looks slowly around at our bedroom. At our cat. Our house.
Then he drops his gaze to me again, and my heart stops.
His breathtaking blue eyes are wet, but the smile shining out through them might be the most radiant thing that my Heliomancer has ever made.
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