Blaze - Part Eight
This episode is part of a larger story, Soft Touch. If you haven’t yet, you can go back and read it from the beginning right here.
There have been so many times. So many times that my Sugar Maple has moved something within my heart that made me know, with total certainty, that I would never be the same after. I would be left changed forever, because of him.
I thought that was the kind of thing people did to each other once in a lifetime. Aiden proved me so wrong about that.
And here we are again.
Twenty-four year old Aiden left a burning imprint on my soul. I saw him for less than five minutes, with tear-filled eyes. But somehow I know that I’ll have him with me in perfect clarity, carried in my heart, for the rest of my life.
That’s as far as my thoughts go before I sense that the conduit is about to drop me back into the real world.
I didn’t do anything to guide it, I realize abruptly.
Or maybe I did. I couldn’t get it into a coherent thought, but somehow I think I might have directed the conduit with the pure force of the yearning in my chest. I was reaching out with my heart and my soul and my arms for my Aiden.
I land hard on solid ground and go staggering backwards, pushed by the remaining power of the magic. My back flattens against a wall, and my hands fly back to press against it, just in time to keep me on my feet.
My eyes flutter open, and I look around, panting for breath.
Our living room. A warm spring night, the faintest taste of distant rain on the light breeze coming in through the open windows. Moonlight makes gentle shadows over our furniture, the coffee table, the book of poetry Aiden left there with his bookmark tucked in it. The one lamp I forgot to switch off before leaving for the Ghost Office - it’s on.
It’s all peaceful and quiet, except for the crash of my arrival, and -
Aiden.
He must have just hit the wall on the opposite side of the room, because he’s pressed back against it like I am, panting and out of breath just like I am. He left sandy bootprints where he went stumbling backwards.
He opens his eyes, casts them swiftly around the room, then freezes when they land on me.
His chestnut hair is softly tumbled, windblown and wet, like he was standing in the rain. The shoulders of his henley are dark with raindrops. He’s breathing fast, his chest rising and falling hard, muscles straining the soft fabric just a little.
He looks like he’s been through some kind of raw, immense internal struggle. His eyes are huge, his heightened breaths tripping over each other.
I don’t know where he’s been or what he’s seen, but right now, I can’t bring myself to wonder about that. All I can do is stand there and look into his eyes, his wide blue eyes liquid with tears and blazing with fire and staring straight into mine.
Can’t think. Can’t move, can’t breathe, can’t speak. All I can do is stare and stare at Aiden.
We look deep into each other’s eyes for one more breathless second. Then, as one, we rush for each other.
We’re both all-out sprinting, but Aiden is faster, and he gets to me first. Half-blinded with tears, I throw myself into his open arms, and he flings them around me like he’s been waiting lifetimes for the chance.
I let out a quiet sob, burying my face in the smooth, firm warmth of his neck, tangling my fingers in his hair, taking deep, gasping breaths of vetiver.
Aiden’s hands are going all over me, first to twist through my hair, then to cradle the back of my head, then to slide down my back, like he needs to feel me everywhere and his trembling fingers can’t decide what they want first.
I don’t know what’s happening to me, right now, but Aiden looks like something painted with all the colors of my dreams, and my heart is beating so hard that it’s painful, overwhelmed with something beautiful, something that begins with Aiden and doesn’t end anywhere.
After everything that he’s lived through, he’s here. With me. He’s twenty-seven and bright and brilliant, and mine.
Having Aiden back in my arms, my soul is leaping upwards, rising like something that always belonged to the sky. The wingbeats of my heart are lifting me higher and higher, and I’m soaring, soaring up to meet my sunlight where he lives…
Aiden suddenly draws back. He shivers with his whole body, then closes his eyes, holding me to him, listening. His eyebrows up and draw together, sublime bliss lighting up his face. Goosebumps spread up his arms, and his fingers tighten their grasp on me. His breath hitches, spills out in a slow, trembling rush.
He opens his smoldering eyes and looks down at me, breathing even harder than he was before. He drops his head, brings his face to mine.
He touches his temple to my temple, then his cheek to my cheek. His nose to my nose. Our tears are mingling on our faces.
I hold tight fistfuls of Aiden’s henley, barely able to stay on my feet. My overworking heart kicks up to a whole new pace -
Then stops completely as the heat of Aiden’s breath touches my lips.
A deep shudder goes through me, and I can’t resist anymore. I wrench him down to me, then kiss him.
Aiden slides his hand up the back of my neck, grasps me by my hair, kisses me back like… like this is the only time he’ll ever get to kiss me. No - like this is the only time anyone will ever get to kiss anyone, and that’s how much he needs to make it count. That’s how rich with meaning and power and love his kiss tastes.
I open my mouth and drink in that kiss. I let it spill into me and fill my heart, then my entire body with fire.
That tension that Aiden and I teased to unbearable intensity over the last four days, the craving we let build into an electrical storm between us - it returns in one split second, at my first taste of him. And this time it’s uncontrollable.
It hits me like lightning. The dam breaks in my chest, and unfathomable passion bursts through me. Nearly overwhelming me, too much for my body, like an ocean trying to fit itself into a riverbed, an ocean of pure heat and desire, electricity, and a teasing shiver of immense ecstasy.
It swells over the last defenses I had keeping it back, crashes over them in heaving waves, and leaves them shattered. Suddenly I’m drenched from within with melting heat, my breath stolen from my lungs. My cheeks are on fire, hot enough to smoke.
And then Aiden moans, right into my mouth.
Before I can think, I’m kissing him more hungrily and desperately and urgently than I knew myself capable of. All the desire I’ve ever felt in my life before Aiden stepped back into it - all of it put together couldn’t compare to one fucking second of this. Something wild in my very blood is calling out to him. It goes beyond a craving, beyond a deep ache, to a need.
Aiden seems like he can barely keep himself standing up, but he keeps our mouths together, our bodies pressed together. He’s shivering beneath my hands, his frenzied pulse racing against my palms, his breaths coming faster and harder. I sink my tongue deeper between his parted lips, and he lets out a stuttering, sharp exhale.
He presses me even harder up against him, and I feel the full, straining answer of his body to mine. That sensation alone melts my veins.
I need him so bad that I can’t stand it. I let out a soft, desperate little cry into his mouth.
A searing burst of Heliomancer heat goes through the room like a shockwave, instantly igniting the wood in the fireplace. It roars into flames as Aiden practically shoves me down onto the deep rug before them.
He kicks off his Timbs, then falls through the firelight to land on his knees before me. The rich red glow spills over his bronze skin and shines on his chestnut hair, flickering in his dilated, blazing blue eyes.
I sit up on my elbows, panting, begging with my eyes, and open my lips for him. He leans over me, brings his face to mine, and fuses our mouths together. A hard, rough, intense kiss, his hands sliding under my flannel to slip it off.
He tosses it safely aside, just in time for both of us to lose whatever remaining shred of control we had left.
Aiden sinks down between my parted thighs to kiss me again, this time bringing our trembling, aching, desperate bodies together. A shuddering gasp bursts from my mouth. The tension has intensified and enriched every feeling, every sensation to heights I didn’t know were possible.
I can’t do anything but feel him. Even the rough friction of Aiden’s jeans and mine as he rubs himself against me makes lights explode behind my eyes, makes agonizing want and heart-stopping pleasure cascade through my veins together. I feel delirious, drunk on it. I’m trembling uncontrollably.
Aiden is painting open-mouthed kisses in a hot, wet path down my throat, his tongue lapping at my skin, his weight pushing me deep into the carpet, our breathless bodies entangled. He bites down into my neck, then lets out a rough, husky growl from deep in his throat when my hips instantly jolt up against him - and I’m going to pieces, I can’t take it anymore.
It comes out riding a hoarse moan of desperation, broken by a short, tight gasp of pleasure. “Aiden-”
Just like that, he’s tearing my clothes off, so roughly and urgently that I’m only aware my shirt is gone when I feel his hands stroking my bare skin. He undoes my belt so hard and fast that his sharp movements jerk my entire body on the rug.
Then my hands are on him, too, ripping his clothes off. The last barriers between us fall away, and Aiden falls over me, entangling our bare, breathless bodies.
“Jamie,” he breathes, burying his face in my neck.
I let my head fall to the side, my cheeks on fire. Breathing hard through my open mouth, but smiling.
Finally, Aiden and I are soaring together. And if the sky itself fell down on our heads, it couldn’t stop us now.
~~~~
Outside, the magic garden whispers and rustles, sways in slow movement with the breeze.
Inside, the magic house glows with the gentle, warm light of the flickering fireflies.
A soft drizzle of rain is falling in hazy veils. It makes a light pattering sound on the windows, which are all fogged up, given the warmth of the house.
Aiden and I are together in the red light of the fireplace, curled up close on the rug. My cheek is on his chest, his hand full of my hair. With each inhale and exhale that stirs his powerful body beneath me, I rise softly, then fall. Our breaths are finally starting to soften up, slow down.
But we’re both still caught in stunned silence, still trembling a little.
I lift my head to look at Aiden. He relaxes his embrace just enough to let me move, and his dazed blue gaze meets mine. We stare at each other with enormous eyes, then both let out a soft, wondering, awed laugh.
“Wow,” Aiden breathes softly, trailing his knuckles up my jaw. “That - was…”
He trails off, but his deep voice echoes through me, making my whole body hum with residual bliss. I push my face into his neck, knowing exactly what he couldn’t find the words to say. I don’t know that I have words for it, either.
It was like a dream. A gorgeous dream, made into something real and living. Even now, little thrills of ecstasy are running softly over my skin like strands of pure, molten magic. I’m hazy with them, my body wide awake, but also melted in a rich, sublime kind of heat-drowsiness.
And my heart is so, so happy.
It’s so good to finally take my place in Aiden’s arms. I have the perfect, cozy sensation of being exactly where I belong. That sense of deep relief that comes with knowing that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be. A plant in its natural atmosphere. The living room is warm and soft and mostly dark, but it’s got very little to do with that. Everything to do with these strong, gentle arms holding me.
Aiden’s skin is glowing softly with warm Heliomancer light, and in this moment, I can’t understand how mine isn’t, too. I feel like I swallowed pure sunlight. I can feel its enduring warmth woven deep into my heart. It should be shining out from me.
Maybe it is, but just not how I’m picturing it. I have a feeling it might all be showing in my eyes, because when I draw back again to look down at Aiden, I see the same thing reflected in his gaze. That trembling glitter on the surface, that blazing fire glowing beneath.
It’s right there in Aiden’s eyes, but for some reason, it makes him all shy to see it in mine. He blushes, the heightened color that had just been starting to go from his cheeks coming back a little. He hastily breaks his gaze away from mine, nibbling his lip.
“Shit, it’s a good thing I’ve been burning off magic all day,” he says suddenly, his low, husky voice like a roll of quiet thunder. “Or I honestly think our house might have exploded.”
Our mingled laughter rises into the air and gently fades away.
So good, so good, to hear that huffing laugh after what I just saw.
I ease myself off of Aiden and sit up, turn to face him. He sits up too, watching me with surprise, apparently reluctant to let me go even this far from him.
But I was just trying to get a better angle on him, so I could lean in more easily to softly kiss the slope of his neck. Then his stubbled jaw, then his collarbone, then his chest. Lingering, adoring kisses.
Aiden stays silent, holds perfectly still.
I take his hands and drop my head to kiss both of them, and out of nowhere, he bows his head over mine.
My breathing stops at the tenderness of the kiss that Aiden softly brushes onto the nape of my neck. I shudder a little, my heartbeat stumbling. Aiden lets out a shaky exhale, his nose still pressed against me.
“God,” he murmurs, his words a warm rush of breath on my skin. “Hope you never stop doing that.”
“Doing what?” I whisper, barely able to speak.
“Singing for me,” Aiden sighs softly.
I lift my head to look at Aiden. He meets my eyes, lifts one huge hand to gently cradle my face, his bronze skin glowing.
Silence falls over the living room, aside from the soft rain outside. But Aiden and I are speaking intimately, without words.
I know that there’s something protective in the way I’m holding him, and an extreme rawness and sensitivity in my eyes, which I’m sure are still hazel from my tears. Aiden’s are still that pale blue they turn when he cries, like warm ocean waters over a shallow bed of white sand.
In the depths of them, I can see that same raw sensitivity, that same fierce protectiveness.
I’m starting to think I’m not the only one who visited a past version of their Companion Plant. The thought is vaguely starting to form in my head, now that I can actually think again.
Aiden pushes me down onto my back and settles himself over me, cozies up between my legs, props his elbows on either side of my head. I sit up a little, reaching over to pull a blanket down from the couch so we can snuggle up. But Aiden catches it, then pushes it aside.
“No need for that,” he murmurs, the bass of his voice melting into me. “I’ll keep you warm, yeah? But I wanna see you, just - let me see you.”
I fall flat on my back again, my cheeks burning.
“Deal,” I sigh happily, twining my fingers through glossy chestnut softness. “I’m not even cold, anyways, I’m…”
Still flowing with heat and passion, enveloped in his warmth. Pinned in place by his striking blue gaze. His eyes are staring deep into mine, searching.
“You found me in the past, didn’t you?” he rumbles, very softly.
It’s not a question. He knows. He sees it in how I’m looking at him.
I bite my lip, then nod, looking straight into his eyes. “And you found me.”
Aiden nods slowly. We both lapse into silence for a second, absorbing that. The rain showers softly on the steamy windows, and the flames snap in the fireplace.
Aiden is deep in thought. I am, too. I’m sifting through my memory, trying to think of when my past self crossed paths with the Aiden of now.
I honestly have no idea when or how it happened. My memory is turning up nothing.
But the way Aiden is looking at me, right now… I know he’s seen something. He has that look in his eyes, that agonized, burning expression he gets after he’s seen me hurting.
A growing sense of vulnerability and exposure comes over me. There are a lot of moments in my life that would be mortifying for Aiden to find out about.
He’s coming to the same realization about himself, based on the obvious, mounting anxiety in his eyes.
“I don’t - I don’t think I want to know what you saw,” he blurts out, his soft-spoken words coming all in a rush. “Don’t tell me, okay? Feel like I’m gonna take a serious blow to my pride, if you do.”
I nod in agreement, filled with relief.
“I don’t want to know, either. For pretty much the same reason. I was doing something deeply embarrassing, wasn’t I?”
“No.” Aiden bites down on a pained, affectionate smile, smoothing a stray strand of hair back from my forehead. “Was nothing to be embarrassed about. But you would think it was.”
“So, yes, basically.”
“No. Bet I was, though.” Aiden winces at me, his hesitating, quiet voice growing self-conscious. “It was something from high school, wasn’t it? Like - me being super mean to you, then going out behind the gym and crying ‘cause I felt bad about it?”
I freeze, staring up at him with wide eyes.
“Um,” I stammer, winding my arms around his neck. “No. Is that - something that happened?”
Aiden bites his lip, a deep blush climbing into his cheeks. “Nah, I was - just kidding-”
“Oh my god,” I groan, helpless. “Aiden.”
“Okay, well - this is exactly why I don’t want to know!”
He rolls off of me and onto his back on the rug, goes on heatedly speaking to me, but I don’t hear anything he’s saying. I sit up and stare down at him, my heart throbbing, aching with love.
God, I’m so fucking grateful just to have him here with me, his rich voice spilling words for me, no hospital band around his wrist. I knew we would end up back here together, yet somehow I was literally panicking when I saw him in the past, like he was about to slip right through my fingers.
But instead he came back to me, which means -
I let out a soft sob, and Aiden instantly falls silent, staring at me with startled eyes.
“You remembered.” I spread a hand over his heart, feel it beating against my palm. “You remembered.”
I nearly sob again when Aiden instinctively lays his hand over mine, just like he did back then, when he promised me.
“But I-” He hesitates uneasily, a confused, guilty blush in his cheeks. “I don’t remember. I’m sorry, I wish I did, but - I’m not gonna lie to you, I really don’t-”
“Yes, you do.” I drop down to press my forehead to his, holding him tightly. “You do.”
I draw back, my eyes wet again, and press a soft, lingering kiss onto his temple. Right where he put one on mine.
Aiden goes very still. I know that he doesn’t remember any of it in his mind, but his heart must recognize something, because suddenly his eyes are wet, too.
“What-?” he stammers in a rough voice, struggling helplessly. “I - feel - what am I feeling, right now…?”
I can’t answer him. I can hardly speak, and I wouldn’t know how to explain, anyways. Not without telling Aiden what happened, which he doesn’t want.
Instead I press adoring kisses all over him, my hair falling down to brush his forehead.
“God, Aiden.” I let out a grateful sob, nuzzling my nose into his. “If you knew what I saw-”
“You? What you saw?” Aiden sinks his fingers into my hair, holding my forehead to his, and I can see that he’s going to start sobbing, too. “When I just saw you - you - just - I can’t handle you.”
“I can’t handle you.”
“So lucky. I’m so fucking lucky.” Aiden sniffles a little, pressing his forehead harder into mine. “My heart picked the most patient person in the whole fucking world. I knew that, but like - still, I fucking underestimated your patience, Jamie. I never realized how patient you were. I - I didn’t even know that you knew to wait for me, I never even asked you to…”
Now I’m the one confused. “What are you talking ab-?”
Aiden presses a kiss onto my jaw, then draws back slowly, his blue eyes so intense with fiery emotion that I’m instantly silenced, spellbound.
“I - like you with the stubble beard, by the way,” Aiden blurts out, suddenly all shy.
“With the stubble…?” I blink hard, trying to think when I had that stubble beard. It was only for like a year, and that was the year I dated Roger, actually, so - “I was twenty-four?”
Aiden nods, and I stare at him, caught by surprise.
“What?” he murmurs, after a moment. “How old was I? You can tell me that.”
“You…” I hesitate, nervously nibbling my lip. “Yeah, you - you were also twenty-four.”
Aiden had been looking up a little, watching his fingers wind through my hair. Now he quickly looks at me, right into my eyes.
It seems to take a few seconds to sink in. Aiden blushes, looking vaguely uncomfortable, blinking hard. His cheeks slowly begin to color up more and more, and then - he sits bolt upright, staring at me with huge, alarmed eyes.
“Twenty-?” He cuts himself off sharply, his eyes begging me to correct him, give him a different answer. “Twenty-four? That’s - that’s how old I was when you saw me?”
I sit up too, hesitating, then nod slowly. Aiden stares at me in obvious dismay, then falls into shocked, anxious silence.
“Oh,” he says, so softly that I can barely hear him. “Oh.”
He looks down at the rug, then sideways at the fire, anywhere but at me. I watch him uncertainly, twisting the ring around my finger, not sure what to do.
“Fuck,” Aiden says suddenly, cringing with his whole face, wretchedly running a hand through his hair. “No.”
I put my hand on his knee, give him a gentle squeeze. “Aiden-”
“God fucking damnit, I never wanted you to see - I don’t know when exactly you saw me, but if that’s how old I was, I doubt I came off looking - wait, what-?” Aiden breaks off sharply, staring at me, his eyebrows drawn up in sudden bewilderment. “Wait a fucking second. You saw me like that, and you - came back here, and the first thing you did was…?”
Aiden trails off, gesturing to the clothes we tore off of each other, scattered around the living room. I crinkle my nose at him, making a helpless yeah I guess so kind of face.
Aiden stares at me in disbelief for a long, silent moment, looking staggered. His eyes search mine, then drop hastily to his hands.
“You’re really gonna tell me that the way you see me hasn’t changed at all?” His voice is even softer than before, barely a hoarse whisper. “After that?”
“No, it - it has.” I drop my head for a second, pushing my nose against Aiden’s shoulder. “But not for the worse. It’s gonna sound weird, but - it’s the opposite, actually.”
Aiden makes a soft scoffing sound, and I draw back to look at him, but he still won’t look at me. I can sense the total disbelief in the tension of his body, the hard set of his jaw.
“Honestly, Aiden.” I press a hand over my heart, struggling to explain. “Just when I thought I didn’t even have any more room in there, it’s like…”
Aiden stares at my hand, motionless.
“You know I can’t lie, Sugar Maple.” I point to our scattered clothes. “And you’ve got the evidence all around you.”
Aiden lifts his head slowly, like it’s costing him a ton of effort, but his eyes come back to mine.
“Please don’t make me explain anymore,” I stammer, hastily swiping a hand over my eyes. “S’gonna make me cry again - it’s - just that I can’t stop thinking about how much devotion it must have taken for you to come back from that, and w-what a fighter you are, in your own way-”
Aiden cuts me off with his mouth on mine. A fierce, forceful kiss, his hand grasping a tight fistful of my hair.
An instant burst of answering heat fountains over in my chest, and I melt against him, my breath picking up.
In one swift, effortless movement, Aiden is up off of the rug, on his feet with me in his arms. I fold my thighs around him, my arms around his neck, laughing happily with the tears still on my face.
He’s taking me towards the stairs.
“More?” I ask eagerly, hopefully.
“Yes, more.” Aiden starts taking the steps two at a time. “Didn’t get to do everything we wanted to, the first time.”
“We both should’ve known we wouldn’t last,” I laugh, a shudder of sense-memory pleasure rolling through me. “Especially after the tie thing.”
“Don’t even mention the tie thing, man, or I won’t last to our bedroom.”
“Aiden!” I laugh, nuzzling my nose into his neck. “Oh, hey - you never got the chance to retaliate.”
“Yeah, well, that’s fine. I didn’t have any ideas, anyways.”
“Really?” I stare at Aiden in surprise. “I thought you had something planned, given what you said to me in the shower.”
“Nope. I just said that to buy myself some time to think of something, but I was never gonna beat the tie thing. And I was fucking useless at work, so thanks for that. All I could do was stare at everybody’s ties all day.”
“What-?” I laugh, then cut myself off with a gasp when Aiden flings me down on our bed and throws himself down over me.
I have to bite back a moan purely from the feeling of his body pressed against mine. Color is mounting in my cheeks all over again, and my heart is racing with anticipatory bliss.
“Sure you’re up for more, Keane?” Aiden purrs in my ear, then gives my neck a sharp bite.
I spread my legs to make room for him, locking my arms around him.
I don’t think there will ever come a day when I don’t want more. Loving Aiden is the work of a lifetime. I can only keep adding to it. I’ll never be finished.
And I’ve never been happier.
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