Super Special Ep: Hope
This episode is part of a larger story, Soft Touch. If you haven’t yet, you can go back and read it from the beginning right here.
Aiden is walking along the edge of the soccer field. The far, outside edge, beyond the fence.
He likes to come down here after early-morning soccer practices, before class starts. There are some beautiful trees, and a pathway of bright green grass. The fence is woven through with plant life, which gives the spot some privacy. Sometimes students use it as a shortcut to get around campus faster, but usually Aiden can come here for a few precious minutes of alone time before he has to go sit in a sea of sound all day.
He’s walking slowly, taking long breaths of the cool autumn air. His head is actually kind of clear, right now. A good, intense soccer practice sometimes does that for him. The noise is still there, but Aiden can think around it and breathe through it. He just rinsed off in the locker room, and his hair is still damp, which feels nice in the chill of the breeze. He left his backpack in his locker, and he’s feeling lighter than usual.
But he has a sinking feeling that everything’s going to be downhill from here. He hates being surrounded by so many loud souls forced into one building. And it’s been some time since he’s had to attempt a rescue, which always gives him anxiety that the next one is right around the corner.
Aiden watches the evergreens sway in the light wind, seeking a little calm, a little peace.
Then he stops, tips his head to the side. He thinks he heard something. Fast, frantic footsteps. He turns to look behind him, but no one is there.
He turns to face forward again, right as Jamie comes rushing around the curve of the field.
He’s flat-out sprinting, completely out of breath. His cheeks are bright red, his open flannel snapping around his t-shirt. He’s looking over his shoulder as he runs, looking back at something.
So he doesn’t see Aiden, and Aiden froze when he saw him, which means -
Jamie crashes directly into Aiden, his cheek connecting with Aiden’s chest. And Aiden, who was prepared in no way, shape, or form, staggers backwards, then falls.
Jamie lets out a startled little sound as they go down. Aiden’s arms automatically fly up to lock around Jamie, protecting him from the worst of the fall. Guardian reflexes.
He lands flat on his back, and Jamie lands on top of him, their legs tangling together. The impact forces a sharp breath out of Aiden. One of his hands flies up, and his fingers briefly dip into Jamie’s brilliant hair.
For a second, they stay like that, both of them stunned. Jamie’s face ended up on Aiden’s chest, and Aiden can feel his breaths breaking against his collarbone.
Jamie gasps and pushes himself half-upright. For a brief second, he’s staring down at Aiden, their bodies still entangled. He’s panting hard, his cheeks a startling shade of scarlet.
His amber eyes were already wide, but they get even wider when he sees who he’s crashed into. Aiden watches them fill up with shock and dismay, watches his cheeks get even darker.
“Hey, Keane!” someone shouts, from around the fence. “Hope you’re still running! You really don’t want us to catch you, I promise!”
Jamie wrenches himself away from Aiden, stumbles to his feet, and sets off, tearing towards the school.
Aiden sits up just in time to see two guys come sprinting around the corner. He doesn’t know them well, but he does know their names: Damon Coel and Harley Ross. Damon seems to be leading the charge. He has a gleeful sneer on his face, and he’s a few paces ahead of Harley.
“Hey, Callahan - we’re seeing how far Keane has to run before he needs his inhaler,” Damon calls, and Harley laughs. “Oh - is he doing it right now? Keane, that’s the most pathetic fucking thing I’ve ever seen in my life!”
Aiden turns and sees that Jamie has stopped. He’s leaning against the fence, gasping for breath. He immediately sets off running again when Damon shouts at him.
“Oh, guess he wasn’t,” Harley says.
Damon lets out a nasty, sneering laugh. “Then the experiment continues!”
Both of them fly off after Jamie again at full speed.
Aiden sits there and watches all three of them disappear around the curve of the fence. He’s perfectly still, perfectly silent.
He closes his eyes and listens for Jamie’s note.
As always, it’s easy to find. It’s jittery and upset and scared, like a frantic bird trapped in a too-small cage. But not in any real danger, thank god.
Aiden looks down at his hands, his body. Only now does he process what just happened.
He feels a white-hot, searing blush crash across his cheeks. Something seems to melt through him, so powerfully that he curls up a little where he’s sitting on the grass. His fingers are shaking, and he has no idea what his expression is doing. An entire meteor shower is happening within the confines of his one human body.
There’s always been that secret fire in him, but out of nowhere, Jamie just threw kerosene on it.
Aiden closes his eyes and sinks every shred of effort he has into stopping this. He tries to think of miserable, unsexy things, but his brain won’t let him. Instead, it puts that brief moment of complete contact with Jamie on replay, going through each detail of it in slow motion, pushing the ache in Aiden up to extreme levels.
Unable to stop himself, Aiden relives it over and over again until it’s so firmly cemented in his memory that he stands no chance of forgetting it.
Only then does his mind let him touch down, let him process anything else. It’s something like when everything turns back on at once after an extended power outage. That same shudder and jolt. Aiden can hear other people talking again, can look around and figure out where he is, what he’s doing.
He’s in class. He’s already been to half the classes he has today, actually. The bell is about to ring for lunch. He didn’t even realize that he’d gone back inside the school.
He wanders outside to sit on the grass, to get some air. To think about what happened. He wonders if Jamie might be too self-conscious to bring his inhaler around with him, after what Damon and Harley did. Or if they do it again. He pictures Jamie not having it when he needs it, because of those two.
Aiden pushes himself up onto his feet, goes back into the school. It’s still lunch, and the hallways are crowded. He waits and watches until he sees Harley and Damon weaving their way down the hall, headed to the locker room to change for PE next period.
Aiden watches them disappear into it, then turns and heads for the caf.
Noah and Grant are in the back. Noah sits with his boots kicked up on a table, his arms behind his head. Listening to something that Grant is saying. Mellie and Dahlia are on the other side of the table, chattering away.
Ralph isn’t here - probably behind the gym sneaking in a cigarette - so Aiden has his choice of Grant or Noah.
He’s not really anticipating a fight, but he’d rather have the better brawler, just in case.
“Noah,” he says.
Clear grey eyes flit up to Aiden’s face. Aiden tosses his head at the door.
Noah immediately swings his feet down from the table, gets up, and falls into line at Aiden’s right shoulder.
Damon and Harley aren’t exactly cupcakes. There’s a reason Jamie was running, not arguing with them. Regardless, Aiden doesn’t think he necessarily needs backup. He could probably handle it on his own. But he wants this done clean and kept quiet, so word of it doesn’t get back to Jamie. Better to play it safe.
Noah watches as Aiden rolls out his neck and cracks his fingers. He lets out a soft chuckle.
People at this school seem to either fear Aiden, or really want to be his friend. But whichever camp they fall into, they all know to get the fuck out of the way when they see this look on his face. The crowd melts apart before Aiden and Noah as they go, leaving them an open path down the hallway.
Aiden pushes open the locker room door. Noah follows him inside.
There’s only a handful of guys in here. As soon as they see Aiden and Noah, they pack up their shit and hustle for the exit. All of them except Damon and Harley, who are near the far wall, chatting before they get changed. Too far away to notice the commotion.
Noah follows Aiden’s gaze to Damon, and understands that he’s got Harley. He moves to stand by Aiden’s side.
They set off down the row of lockers together, bearing down on their two unsuspecting targets.
“Hey, guy!” Noah calls, without breaking his stride. He waves at Harley, who turns to look at him, raising an eyebrow. “You got the time?”
Harley glances down at his watch. Noah uses his momentary distraction to put a hand on his chest. He shoves him flat against the wall, pinning him there. At the same time, Aiden gets a fistful of Damon’s shirt, stares right down into his eyes with the coldest expression he can muster.
He walks Damon backwards until Damon is flat against the wall, too.
“Hey, Coel,” Aiden says, very slowly and icily. “Got time for a chat?”
Damon is bewildered, but he tries to gather himself together, to get that nastiness from earlier back in his voice. “The fuck do you guys want?”
“You’ve got it all wrong, man.” Noah is speaking to Damon, but staring down Harley. “We don't want anything. We’re actually here to give you something you need.”
Aiden tightens his grasp on Damon’s shirt as Noah says it, and Noah leans into the hand flattened against Harley’s chest, sinking more weight into it.
“What - why?” Harley sputters. “What did we ever do to y-?”
“That was a real funny prank you pulled on Keane earlier, Coel,” Aiden interrupts, his voice meticulously calm and cold. “You must be super proud of yourself for coming up with such a hilarious idea.”
Damon is clearly taken aback that this is what Aiden’s here about. “What’s that got to do with you, Callahan?”
“Bad answer, friend.” Noah shakes his head, still holding Harley in place. “You’ve already fucked up pretty bad today-”
“Obviously,” Aiden adds.
“-so are you sure you wanna dig yourself in more?”
“It was just a little game,” Harley tries, all the smugness gone from his face.
“A game, huh?” Noah asks, with a venomous smile. “Can we play, too?”
Harley sinks down beneath Noah’s gaze, looks to Damon for help.
“Okay, I’m done with this,” Damon mutters, and tries to shove Aiden off of him.
Aiden has built up layers of iron muscle since he first came to this school, and even Damon - not a small guy, himself - can’t move him. He quickly realizes that struggling is useless, realizes just how effortless it is for Aiden to keep him in place. His eyes widen, blinking hard.
“We’re done,” Aiden says, with frigid, arctic calm, “When I say we’re done.”
Damon goes very still.
“Look, I didn’t do shit to you,” he protests, starting to trip over his words. “I don’t even-”
“Hey, Noah,” Aiden says, staring right into Damon’s eyes. “Not everyone who needs an inhaler needs it for asthma, right? If you break someone’s nose hard enough, would they need an inhaler, too?”
Noah pretends to think it over. “You’d have to break it real bad, if it is possible.”
Aiden pointedly drops his gaze to Damon’s nose. “How bad?”
“Okay, hang on a second!” Damon gasps, suddenly breathless. “Wait a second, wait-”
“Just give it to him, Damon!” Harley interrupts, his voice threaded with panic.
Aiden stops, turning to look at Harley. “Give me what?”
No one answers. Aiden very slowly faces Damon again, leans in closer to him, and drags him up by his shirt, lifting him onto his toes.
“Give. Me. What?”
He injects enough ice into his words that each one comes out cold enough to burn.
Damon seemed to get smaller and smaller as Aiden got that sentence out, whatever resolve he had left decimated.
He wordlessly reaches into the pocket of his jeans, and - pulls out Jamie’s inhaler. He shoves it into Aiden’s free hand, swallowing hard.
Aiden stares down at it for a long, silent moment before he lifts his gaze to Damon’s again. The instant Damon sees his expression, he flinches, the remaining color draining from his face. His own expression is that of a person in a rowboat on open water, who just realized that something huge is pacing him from below.
“We were gonna give it back, anyways!” he stammers, closing his hands around Aiden’s wrist, struggling to keep himself balanced on his toes. “It was just a fucking joke, man!”
Noah got an eyeful of Aiden’s expression, too, and even he seemed startled by it. He recovered before either Harley or Damon had the chance to notice, but Aiden saw him do a double-take.
“You took this from Keane?” Aiden asks, very softly.
Something in his voice completely unnerves both Harley and Damon. Harley tries to make a break for it, and is instantly shoved back into place with a hard thrust of Noah’s arm. Damon goes perfectly still, his terror-stricken eyes very round, fixed on Aiden’s.
“You be glad,” Aiden tells him, his voice seething with cold, quiet rage, “That I’m so fucking nice. I should put your head through this fucking wall, Coel.”
“Why do you even care?” Damon asks desperately, clutching at Aiden’s wrist. “You mess with Keane all the time, so why-?”
“Exactly,” Aiden growls, leaning in towards Damon, making sure his words are heard loud and clear. “He’s not open game. He’s mine. You stay the fuck away from him.”
“Okay, okay - I won’t fuck with Keane ever again, alright? Swear to god, I won’t! Just put me down, put me-”
He breaks off, caught off-guard as Aiden drops his shirt. He wasn’t prepared, and he falls back against the wall, gasping. Noah follows Aiden’s lead, lets go of Harley.
The second they’re both free, they go sprinting around Noah and Aiden, fleeing for the door.
“Don’t let me catch you in my territory ever again, Coel.” Aiden says it quietly, but his voice is deep enough to carry across the room. “I’ll be watching you.”
Damon pauses with his fingers on the doorknob, the hair on the back of his neck standing up. Harley shoves his hand aside, wrenches the door open, and drags him out.
Noah watches them go with an amused expression on his face, then steals a sidelong glance at Aiden.
“Keep this quiet,” Aiden says. “Don’t even tell Grant. He’ll tell Ralph, and Ralph will be pissed that we didn’t bring him in.”
It’s a good enough excuse. Aiden has noticed that Ralph gets sulky and pissed off every time that Aiden chooses Noah for something instead of him. Noah hasn’t really seemed to notice that, but he doesn’t ask any follow-up questions. He just nods, once.
Aiden slaps his back, and they head for the door together.
“I’ve got a jay on me, if you want to hit the soccer field before next period.”
“Thanks, Noosh, but I’ve got something to take care of.”
Noah gives him a curious look, but again, he doesn’t ask any questions, and Aiden appreciates that. He gives Noah an affectionate bump on the shoulder, and Noah flashes him a little grin before he disappears into the crowd.
Aiden goes back outside, alone. He actually is headed to the field, but he can’t have Noah there for this.
He knows that Jamie and his friends usually spend lunch on the bleachers by the soccer field. Aiden stops when he gets outside, and spots a few of them in their usual place, eating and talking. Except for Jamie. He isn’t eating, or saying much. He has his arms wrapped around his knees, one hand fidgeting with the sleeve of his flannel.
Aiden sweeps his eyes over Jamie. If Damon and Harley handled him roughly, if they left even one bruise on him...
But he seems unhurt. On the outside, at least. Only upset, shaken up.
Aiden slips up to the bleachers unnoticed, wondering how the hell to give Jamie back the inhaler. He can’t just hand it to him. That’s bound to raise some questions.
He pauses, trying to think of what to do, then blinks when he hears his name.
“-into Aiden, of all people,” Jamie is saying, sounding miserable. “I’m so fucking embarrassed. I hate myself.”
Aiden is surprised to hear Jamie call him by his first name. He usually calls him Callahan, when they’ve interacted before. But it would seem that Jamie privately thinks of him as Aiden, just as Aiden has privately started thinking of Keane as Jamie.
“And then I just ran off,” Jamie groans. “I didn’t even say sorry for knocking him over.”
“Say sorry?” Kasey sounds astonished. “To Aiden Callahan? Jamie, that guy is so fucking mean to you all the time, and you feel bad that you didn’t apologize for accidentally crashing into him? Once?”
“I didn’t even stop to see if I hurt him, or-”
“Who cares if you did?” Destinee interrupts. “He deserves it, after everything he’s put you through.”
“Honestly,” Angie agrees. “What is his problem?”
“His problem,” Kasey says heatedly, “Is that he’s a heartless, pathetic bully, who-”
“Hey - can we not?” Jamie cuts in suddenly. “This - this is mean.”
Aiden had been listening in motionless silence, but now he looks up at the bleachers. He’s staring through them from below, so he can’t really see. He’s not even sure what he’s trying to see, anyways.
But he knows why he looked up. It’s because all of a sudden, Jamie sounds dangerously close to tears.
“Jamie, oh my god,” Kasey says, fondness and exasperation mingled in her voice.
“I’m sorry,” Jamie stammers. “I know you guys are trying to make me feel better, but this isn’t doing that. Not at all. Can we please just lay off of Aiden? He didn’t even do anything, this time. I knocked him over.”
There’s a silence, and then Angie says, more gently - “Sorry, Jamie. We didn’t mean to talk shit on Aiden. We know you don’t like that, we’re just - it pisses us off that he’s so fucking awful to you.”
“You must be thinking some of the stuff we’re saying,” Destinee adds.
“I’m allowed to think whatever I want, okay?” Jamie says, his voice wavering, growing thin. “I’m the one he’s mean to. But I don’t want everyone else to pile on, so - just - can we-?”
“Okay, fine, fine.” Aiden hears the sound of Kasey shifting closer to Jamie. “We’ll stop, just don’t - we’ll stop.”
“Aw, Jamie.” Angie’s voice is full of affection. “Can you even say one harsh thing about Aiden? One time? Is it physically possible for you, or does that just go too hard against your nature?”
Jamie sounds insulted. “Of course I can!”
“Okay,” Angie says. “So, let’s hear it.”
Aiden closes his eyes, braces himself for it. He knows what Jamie must think of him, but it’s going to be something else entirely, to hear it in Jamie’s voice…
There’s a long silence. Aiden waits, not totally sure that he’s breathing. But Jamie doesn’t say anything. The silence goes on and on, until -
“That’s what I thought,” Angie laughs.
“I can, okay?” Jamie protests, unconvincingly. “I just - don’t feel like it.”
Aiden drops his gaze to the ground. In spite of everything that’s happened today, he’s suddenly found himself smiling, his heart flooded with unexpected warmth. He runs a hand over his face, his fingers tightening around Jamie’s inhaler.
“Oh, Jamie,” Kasey sighs. The shadows beneath the bleachers shift, like she wrapped her arms around him. “You’re too nice for your own good, babe.”
“Whatever,” Jamie groans. “Shut up about it, already.”
Silence for another moment, and then - “Should I go apologize, though? To Aiden? For knocking him over?”
There’s a collective groan, coming from Angie, Destinee, and Kasey all at once.
“Jamie!” Kasey sputters. “Why do you always keep trying, with him? You really think you and him are gonna be friends, or something? It’s like you can’t help yourself, no matter what goes down between you two!”
Aiden slips away before Jamie can answer. He walks silently back up to the school. He only realizes that he’s still holding the inhaler when he steps back inside. He failed to give it back, forgot completely that he only went out there to do that.
He vaguely sorts out a plan as he goes. He and Jamie share an elective class next period. Aiden will go early, before anyone else is there, and leave the inhaler on Jamie’s desk. Then he’ll leave, and roll up to the class super late, so Jamie won’t suspect him for any reason. He’ll get chewed out for being tardy, but that’s worth it, to avoid Jamie figuring out who left it there.
Because Kasey is right. If Aiden offers Jamie the slightest hint of an opening, Jamie will try to take it. He always does. Always.
Kasey’s words echo through Aiden’s head. It’s like you can’t help yourself, no matter what goes down between you two.
Aiden knows the feeling.
Despite how hard he’s trying not to think about it, he can’t help but wonder why exactly it is that he and Jamie can’t seem to give up on each other. No matter what happens, and no matter how hard they both try to.
Why it’s impossible for either of them to lose hope that things don’t have to be this way.
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