Super Special Ep: Forward
This episode is part of a larger story, Soft Touch. If you haven’t yet, you can go back and read it from the beginning right here.
Aiden takes a deep breath, and feels the way it touches his lungs. He tastes the air, really tastes it.
It’s cool out tonight, and beautiful. The warmly-lit corner cafes bustling, people gliding by on their bikes, yellow buses passing by on the street. Aiden walks slowly through it all, letting his eyes wander.
He thought that getting to sobriety would be different.
He thought he’d have to force himself forward until eventually he’d be thrown out into the light at the end of the tunnel. It hasn’t been like that.
It’s more like he was walking with his head down, focused completely on putting one foot ahead of the other, until suddenly he looked up and realized it wasn’t all darkness anymore. It’s still there, behind him, and he could fall back into it if he isn’t careful, but it’s - exactly that. Behind him.
There was light, only it had come so slowly and so gradually, by such small degrees, that he hadn’t noticed it at first. He doesn’t even know when it happened.
The light is still growing at that slow, slow pace, and it’s still pale and weak, but…
Aiden is starting to feel better. His life is starting to feel a little bit brighter.
He had to feel a lot worse, first. Go through some of the darkest moments he’s ever experienced. Withdrawal so bad that he had to briefly go on anti-seizure meds just to come out safely on the other side. Jamie’s note was the glowing golden rope that Aiden clung to, to ride out that storm. There were parts where he was barely hanging on.
The relapses, too, felt like crushing failures. Deathblows to all of Aiden’s hopes, hard proof that he couldn’t do this, no matter how desperately he wanted to.
Facing all of his thoughts and emotions instead of losing them in a drunken haze, that - hasn’t been easy, either. It’s been the polar opposite of that.
Some nights it’s too much, and Aiden can’t sleep. He tosses and turns restlessly until he gets out of bed and silently walks the streets of Berlin alone. Trying to outrun everything crowding for attention in his head and heart.
The harsh and hard parts of getting sober, they’ve been really, really bad.
But now that Aiden is sober… there are good things in his life, too.
Some rehab programs talk about alcoholism as something to be battled, defeated, and conquered. Maybe thinking about it that way helps some people, but it didn’t work for Aiden. He actually thinks that’s part of why he relapsed, the first time.
Aiden doesn’t want to feel like he’s getting up and going to war with something every day, even if that’s technically what he’s doing. He’s been trying to reframe it in his mind.
He’s been trying to think of it as giving himself a gift every day.
The gift is that the day - and the night - might bring him lots of gifts. Innumerable little ones that Aiden never got when he spent all of his time fucked up.
To actually sleep for as long as his body wants him to, sometimes. To wake up without feeling like shit. Get his fill of rest. Deep, restorative, real rest.
Remembering things that he likes, things he hasn’t thought about in forever. Music. The book of poetry he randomly bought from the bookstand. The quiet hours of the morning, when he can wander into public libraries and art galleries and churches to breathe in the peaceful, undisturbed hush.
The feeling of walking through the city at night, the joy of anonymity. The freedom to roam, to take in the haze of lights, the rustle of the trees, the street art, the voices spilling out from the restaurants.
And each gift seems to lead Aiden to a new one. Waking up rested means waking up hungry, so he’s been cooking himself breakfast. Cooking was something he liked to do, a long time ago. He forgot about that.
Aiden had always known - sensed it on some instinctive level - that he would need to rebuild himself from scratch once drinking stopped being part of his life. And if he’s gonna rebuild, he wants to do it right.
He’s been thinking a lot about who he wants to be now, how he can make himself into someone better than who he was before. But in a lot of ways, the natural path has led him back to himself. Back to things he used to be, things he used to care about, things he used to love.
Things he never stopped loving, too.
For Aiden, the best thing about all of this has been slowly learning to let himself hope again. Letting himself hope for a future where it could be him and Jamie.
Aiden never stopped hoping for that, but he’s spent so much time trying to stop himself. He hasn’t let himself hope in ages. It’s gone on despite his best efforts to smother it.
But now that Aiden is planning to go back to Ketterbridge, now that he’s really going for this, now that he’s really, actually gonna try - he has to let himself hope.
He can finally let himself listen to Jamie’s note as much as he wants, and he does. All the time, he does.
He reads Jamie’s poem a few times every day, falls asleep with it in his hands, lets the words float through his dreams.
But he’s not ready to go back to Ketterbridge. Not yet. This is his longest stretch of sobriety so far, but he doesn’t totally feel on stable footing. And there’s a lot he still needs to figure out.
The chances that Aiden will even be able to get Jamie to talk to him are infinitesimal, but - if by some miracle, Jamie is interested… Aiden doesn’t know how to take care of someone else. He doesn’t know how to give Jamie the love that he deserves. The life that he deserves.
Aiden barely even knows how to talk to people, anymore. Now that he’s not keeping himself drunk enough to forget to care about other people’s feelings - he’s anxious about talking to people to the point where he barely even opens his mouth.
Aiden knows that he cuts an intimidating figure. He knows he’s not good at being nice. He knows it’s off-putting that it takes him so long to get his thoughts into words. People are uneasy with his long silences. With how much emotion he carries in his eyes since he got sober.
Aiden’s just - not someone people like to be around. That’s probably why he doesn’t have any friends, despite being in Berlin for a while now.
He’s sharply aware of all of these problems. They stress him out. He loses his confidence and panics every time he tries to talk to someone. He’s shy like he used to be, way back when. He’s nervous to even try to flirt with someone, and that’s never been a problem before.
Aiden wants to fix it, he’s desperate to fix it, but he doesn’t know where to start.
At least there are other places where he knows exactly how to build on his strength. Working out is another one of those things he loves that he’s finally getting back to.
So simple, so straightforward. So easy to let his mind go blank, a precious break from thinking. His muscles have turned more lean from years on the road, but he’s slowly starting to build back what he had before.
He comes to a stop outside of the gym, then pauses for a moment, lets his eyes wander over the breezy street. He’s thinking about what he’ll make for dinner tonight. His thoughts are trying to form around something his aunt used to cook, but he can’t remember what it was. Something cheesy and warm, something that it always felt good to eat when it was cold out - what was it?
Aiden abruptly remembers that he’s been talking to his aunt a little bit more, since he got sober. So - he can just ask her. He slips his phone out of his pocket and sends her a text.
His phone vibrates as he pushes open the door to the gym. His aunt already responded. He glances down at her text and sees a lot of exclamation marks and heart emojis. She’s super excited that he asked, for some reason. Aiden isn’t sure why that would be the case, but he finds himself smiling down at his phone.
Little gifts.
“Entschuldigung,” someone says, with very clumsy pronunciation. Then, in perfect English, “Sorry - mind if I go around you?”
Aiden looks up from his phone and into a pair of huge green eyes. The man standing behind him is slight and slender, with soft black hair falling over his temple, a gym bag on his shoulder.
Berlin is full of people who speak English, but this guy’s voice, the lilt of his words… he sounds like home.
It causes some kind of painful, strange, warm stab in Aiden’s heart. He loves a cute accent, but - god, he misses home.
“Sorry, yeah,” Aiden murmurs quietly, moving out of the way. “Go ahead.”
The guy flashes him a sweet, warm smile, then goes past him to the reception desk.
Aiden has his pass for the gym in his hand, so he could go right past the desk and swipe himself in, but he finds himself standing there uncertainly, unmoving.
“Hi,” the guy says to the woman behind the desk. “I signed up for the free week-long trial. They said my pass should be ready for me today?”
“What’s the name?”
“Theo.”
Theo, Aiden repeats silently.
The woman disappears through the door behind the desk, and Theo folds his elbows on the desk, waiting.
Aiden shifts from foot to foot behind him, his heart suddenly pounding hard. He’s sensing an opportunity, and time is ticking down fast for him to decide whether or not to act on it. Theo clearly isn’t from here, so they’ve got something in common already, right? Aiden could say something about that, or -
Theo steals a glance at Aiden over his shoulder.
Aiden hesitates, then starts to take a step forward.
Before he can, one of the guys who was working out in the gym strides up to Theo, stops beside him at the desk.
“Hey,” he says.
Theo glances at him. “Hey.”
“New here?” the guy asks Theo, running his eyes over his slender physique.
“Brand new, yeah,” Theo says politely, flashing the guy a smile.
“Need someone to show you the ropes?” the guy asks. “You should have someone to spot you, anyways. And you can do the same for me.”
Theo looks over at him, caught by surprise. The guy clearly has gym experience - he’s not nearly as tall as Aiden, but he’s far more built out, all bulging muscle and bulk.
“Oh, that’s so nice, man, thanks,” Theo says brightly. “I could use the help. I - don’t really know what I’m doing, if I’m being honest.”
The other guy smiles, sort of leering at him like he already knew that.
“I’m Theo,” Theo adds.
“Jeff,” the guy says, right as the gym employee comes back and hands Theo his pass.
“Nice to meet you.”
“Let’s go,” Jeff says, and Theo follows him into the gym.
Aiden stands there for a second, trying to keep his frustration off of his face, then lets himself into the gym.
God. Fucking. Damnit. Is that how easy it is, for some people? Theo steps into the gym and instantly makes himself a friend. Jeff says one thing to him and he’s got himself a new friend, too. Why didn’t Aiden think to make Theo the same offer? The chance was right there, and he missed it…
Aiden is cursing under his breath the whole time he spends getting changed and putting his bag away. He’s still mad at himself when he gets to the weights.
He gets himself set up, then closes his eyes to try and calm down before he gets started.
“Oh, I think - that’s gonna be way too much, man,” he hears Theo say. “I’m brand new at this, remember?”
Aiden opens his eyes. Theo is sitting on a weight bench, staring with obvious alarm at the plates Jeff is setting up for him to lift. Right away, Aiden can tell that it’s too much.
“It’s good to push yourself,” Jeff says, unconcerned. “I’ll be spotting you, remember? You’ll be fine. Trust me, I’ve got the experience.”
Aiden watches for a moment as Theo struggles through his first set. Then he gives himself a shake, starts going through his own routine.
But for some reason, he can’t ignore what’s going on.
The whole time he’s lifting, he keeps hearing Theo protest that he’s done enough, he can’t keep going, that’s too heavy for him - and he keeps hearing Jeff reassure Theo that it’s fine, it’s always hard at first, this is how you get better.
Aiden is feeling more and more uneasy. Why is Jeff working Theo so hard, forcing him to keep going, to use weights that are way too heavy for him? That’s not even the right way to make progress. He’s having him do arms and legs and core, all in the same day. That’s not right, either…
The whole thing starts prickling at long-dormant senses that Aiden hasn’t used in a long time, until -
Without warning, and after a long, long silence, Aiden’s Guardian instincts suddenly wake all the way up.
Suddenly they’re talking to him again. And they’re telling him that they don’t like this.
Aiden finds himself keeping a close eye on Theo, who looks increasingly desperate to escape, but who’s clearly too anxious to push back any harder than he already is. He’s starting to look completely worn out, sweating through his clothes, panting even between sets, his cheeks very red. Poor guy’s not even gonna be able to move, after this.
Aiden catches Theo’s arm when he walks past to go to the water fountain.
“Hey,” Aiden murmurs, as quietly as he can. “You okay?”
“I’m-” Theo mumbles, barely able to even lift his head to look at Aiden. “Sort of-”
“Hey,” Jeff calls sharply. “Your turn to spot me, Theo.”
Theo casts Aiden a very swift look, too fast for Aiden to read, then crosses the gym and heads back to Jeff.
When Theo and Jeff finally wrap, Aiden abandons the rest of his workout. He goes to the locker room a few seconds after them, lingers in there until they both get their stuff and leave.
Not sure exactly what he’s doing, Aiden follows them outside. He finds Theo leaning back against the wall of the gym, so exhausted that he can barely hold himself upright. He looks dazed, half ready to pass out.
Jeff, on the other hand, looks like he got a very light workout. Barely broke a sweat. He’s talking to Theo, that leering smile back on his face.
“-back to my hotel with me for a few minutes?” he’s saying. “It would help me out a ton. I just need to explain something to the manager, and I don’t speak German.”
“My German isn’t that good, either, man,” Theo answers, his voice scraping. His overworked arms are trembling slightly, and it’s visible even through his jacket. “I’d love to help, really, but I’ve gotta go back to my-”
“The hotel’s just around the corner,” Jeff insists, taking Theo by the arm. “It’ll take five minutes, I promise.”
Aiden catches the cold, predatory gleam that flashes through Jeff’s eyes as he looks down at Theo. The smile doesn’t quite hide it, not completely. Theo looks like a little mouse backed into a corner beneath it, and too tired to defend himself.
Aiden shifts his gym bag on his shoulder, then strides over and stops beside Theo.
“Hey,” he says lightly to Theo, with a quick nod. “Ready to go?”
Theo looks up at him in confusion, and Jeff casts him a nasty glare.
“Um,” Theo says uncertainly, “I-”
“We’re gonna be late,” Aiden interrupts, giving him a meaningful look.
“I…” Theo hesitates for a split second. “Yeah, let’s go. Don’t want to keep the others waiting.”
“Oh, you two know each other?” Jeff asks, staring daggers at Aiden. “Couldn’t tell, from how you acted inside.”
Aiden shrugs his shoulders. “We came together, worked out separate.”
“Yep,” Theo says desperately. “But we’ve got a study group we’ve gotta get to, for that seminar I mentioned. So.”
“Good luck with that problem at your hotel,” Aiden adds coldly, folding a hand around Theo’s arm, drawing him away.
Jeff scowls at them all the way until they turn at the end of the street.
“God,” Theo says, as soon as Jeff is out of sight. He casts Aiden a grateful look. “Thanks, man.”
“No problem.” Aiden glances down at him, runs his eyes over him. “You alright?”
“Yeah, mostly.” Theo shifts his gym bag on his shoulder, like he’s sinking beneath the weight of it. “Even though I can barely stay on my feet, right now.”
He’s walking very slowly. Aiden, with his long legs, is having to go even slower to match him, but it’s kind of nice to walk this slow. Berlin is beautiful at dusk, and a soft breeze is coasting over the two of them, taking some of the immense heat out of Theo’s cheeks.
Aiden’s eyes linger for a moment on the way the wind moves through Theo’s soft, messy black hair.
He realizes suddenly that Theo is waiting for him to answer. He rushes to think of something to say, something nice, he’s letting the silence go too long -
“Thanks again,” Theo says, looking at Aiden uncertainly. “For getting me out of there. I was trying to come up with an excuse, but I’m so exhausted, my mind isn’t-”
“It’s okay,” Aiden hastily jumps in, having landed on something nice to say. “Do you want me to walk with you to that seminar study group thing?”
“Oh, fuck that,” Theo says tiredly, his eyes half-closed. “I’m not going. I’m gonna go shower, and then I’m gonna go lay down and then maybe never move ever again.”
Aiden is surprised to hear himself laugh. Theo looks surprised, too. Startled, actually. He glances at Aiden searchingly, like - like he thought that Aiden was hating this conversation. Which Aiden definitely wasn’t, but - maybe he’s not showing that enough?
Aiden hesitates, then tests out giving Theo a small smile. Theo blinks, then matches it.
A little flame of victorious bliss sparks in Aiden’s heart. The whole city around him suddenly feels a tiny bit brighter, more vibrant. The indigo tint to the twilight air seems deeper and richer. Aiden lets his eyes rove over everything, feeling like he’s seeing more colors than there were before. More details of the architecture, the people. He takes a deep breath of cool air, tastes the soft perfume of the leaves, the warm cooking smells drifting out from the restaurants.
“You’re a quiet one, huh?” Theo lets out a tired laugh. “You sure you’re not in my graduate program? We’re a quiet bunch.”
Aiden shrugs his shoulders, but he’s pleased in some obscure way by what Theo said. It makes the fact that Aiden is quiet not sound like a bad thing.
Theo stumbles a little, his eyes heavy-lidded. Aiden swiftly catches his arm to steady him out, and Theo lets out a tired breath.
“Hey - let me walk you back to wherever you’re going, man.”
Theo blinks up at him in surprise. “Really?”
“Yeah. I’m concerned you’re gonna fall asleep in a heap on the street.”
Theo casts Aiden a warm smile, and this time, Aiden thinks to return it.
“I’m Aiden, by the way.”
“Nice to meet you, Aiden.”
~~~~
Theo wasn’t lying. He’s a quiet one, like Aiden. They talk a little, but mostly they walk in easy silence until they reach a red brick building. A five-story walkup.
“Ah, no,” Aiden mutters, when his eyes land on the stairs.
Theo lets out an exhausted laugh, tipping his head back helplessly. “I know. I’ve been dreading this part the whole walk here.”
“What floor are you on?”
Theo gives Aiden a pained look. “Guess, man.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah. Don’t watch, please. This is gonna be embarrassing.”
“I’ll - spot you,” Aiden offers, before he can think too hard about it.
Theo lets out another laugh, gives Aiden a grateful look, then heads for the stairs. Aiden follows up behind him, keeps one hand spread behind Theo’s back as he slowly and painstakingly makes his way up the stairs.
Theo’s whole body is trembling from the effort by the time they step out onto the landing. His hands are so tired that they fumble over his keys, until Aiden takes them from him and opens up the door to his flat.
“Thank god.” Theo lets out a huge sigh of relief, staggering into the little studio. He drops his keys onto a small, rounded dining table, heads for a closed door at the end of the room, and nods at the kitchen. “Help yourself, if you want a drink.”
He shuts the door after himself, leaving Aiden alone to stare at the row of bottles lined up on the open liquor shelf.
Aiden freezes, swallowing hard, then turns his head sharply when he hears the shower running in the bathroom. He looks slowly at the row of bottles again, his mouth suddenly very dry.
He drops his gym bag on the floor, pulls out his water bottle with shaky hands, and takes a huge sip.
This may be the first time he’s felt a connection with someone in too long, but he should just leave, he should just get the fuck out of here before -
No, Aiden thinks fiercely, closing his eyes. You can do this. Think of all the little gifts, all the precious little gifts you stand to lose…
He wrenches his phone out of his pocket and looks down at his aunt’s happy text message, the recipe she sent him.
He thinks of Jamie, lets himself fall back into the warm embrace of that sweet song for a minute.
Aiden takes a deep breath, then slowly straightens up. He casts his eyes around the little flat for distraction. They land on the table where Theo dropped his keys. It’s a dining table, but it’s clear that Theo is using it as a desk.
Aiden wanders over to it, then pauses, looking with curious eyes at the strange instruments laid out there.
Aiden doesn’t recognize any of them. There are what look like very slender and delicate paintbrushes, but fiber-tipped, and with no paint on them. Other brushes that look very soft, almost like they’re for dusting instead of painting. A few neat white bundles are - weights, maybe? But soft weights, wrapped in smooth fabric, and rounded, with no sharp corners.
There are metal tools like tiny spatulas. One that looks like it’s for cutting something. A block of beeswax.
Two textbooks are open on the table beside all the tools. Aiden moves around the table to look at them.
The bathroom door opens, and Theo steps out in a shirt and a pair of sweatpants, drying his hair off with his towel.
“Didn’t want a drink?” he asks, hanging the towel up on the back of the bathroom door.
“No. Hey - what is all this stuff?”
Theo follows Aiden’s eyes to the tools on the dining table.
“Oh, that’s just stuff I use in classes for my master’s degree. That’s a staple extractor, that’s a tacking iron, those are illuminated tweezers. I’m doing an MLIS program.”
Aiden scans his brain, comes up empty. “MLIS?”
“Master of Library and Information Science.”
“Um - library science?”
“Mhm. I’m specializing in archival studies.” Theo points at a pair of white cotton gloves resting on one of the textbooks. “Training to become an archivist.”
Aiden drops his eyes to all the sleek, delicate tools again. “An archivist.”
“Yeah, you know. Someone who takes care of rare and precious things.”
Aiden stops still. He stares down at all of the archivist tools on the table, then slowly lifts his gaze to Theo.
“They - they show you how to do that, in your classes?” he asks haltingly. “How to - take care of precious things?”
Theo nods, sitting down tiredly on the edge of his bed and leaning back into his hands. Aiden looks at the tools again, then turns over a page in the textbook, gazing down at the illustrations.
“I’ve got three days left in the exchange program, and then I’m certified, and back to the States. That’s why I’ve got pretty much no furniture in here.”
Aiden glances over at Theo, caught by surprise. “You got three days left in your program, and you decided to sign up for a new gym? Lift weights for the first time?”
“Ironically, my thinking was that if I tried it out here and embarrassed myself, that wouldn’t be as bad as embarrassing myself at the local gym back home. That worked out great, huh?”
Aiden watches as a faint blush spreads across Theo’s cheeks again. A big rush of warmth moves through his chest, catching him off-guard.
He slowly lets his hand fall from the textbook, then goes over to stand before Theo, gives his arm a very gentle slap.
“You didn’t embarrass yourself,” he tells him firmly. “That fucking creep did, yeah? Not you. And I’m gonna report him, when I go back.”
Theo pauses, then very briefly meets Aiden’s eyes. He lets out a soft, nervous laugh, turning his face towards the window.
“You’re so nice,” he says. “Wish more people were like you.”
This stuns Aiden so totally that he stares at Theo in blank silence for a second, then slowly sinks down beside him on the bed.
Theo’s eyes fill up with surprise and concern. “You okay?”
“Yeah, just…” Aiden shakes his head, startled into honesty. “S’gonna sound weird, but… means a lot to hear someone say that. I’m fucking terrible at - just - I’ve been trying to get better. Figure out a version of me that knows how to be nice.”
Theo stares at Aiden with arched eyebrows, then lets out a disbelieving laugh.
“Aiden - are you serious? You just helped me out at the gym, walked me home, then stuck around to try and make me feel better, and we’re complete fucking strangers. You - you think you’re not nice?”
Aiden blinks at him in confusion. Theo stares back at him, his eyes very wide, then gently pokes his arm, like Aiden is missing something obvious.
“If you’re trying to be a version of you that knows how to be nice, you might want to try, um - just being yourself?”
Aiden stares at him for a long moment, then quickly breaks his gaze away.
“Who’s helping out who, here?” he asks, half-playfully.
Theo gives Aiden another small, warm smile. “We all have our strengths.”
Aiden smiles back at him, and - Theo’s green eyes flit to Aiden’s mouth.
Aiden goes motionless. Theo’s eyes dart back up to meet his, the blush in his cheeks deepening.
The two of them look at each other in silence in the last of the fading sunlight.
Theo very slowly tips forward, puts the tip of his nose to Aiden’s. Aiden holds perfectly still, but his breath hitches softly.
He hasn’t been with anyone since he got sober. He forgot what it was like to do this with a clear head, with his body rested, without his senses dulled at all.
Aiden is so, so sharply aware of everything. Feeling everything so deeply. His own heart pounding in his chest, the sweet heat of Theo’s breath, the dusky light in the room, the muffled noises of the city beyond the windows, the slow-moving swirls of dust in the air from the recently moved furniture, the look in Theo’s heat-glazed emerald eyes before he closes them and kisses Aiden.
Aiden has been walking along the faintly-lit part of the path for a long time, but suddenly, he’s met with a flash of bright, brilliant light.
Heat and passion spill out from his heart like lit lines of gunpowder, then detonate. Melting heat crashes through him, electricity sparkling in his chest, ravenous hunger sets his veins on fire.
He could almost cry, because for a few precious seconds, he’s flying high again. Not just skimming the ground, barely keeping himself from crashing. He had wondered if he would ever get back here, thought it was very possible he never would…
Theo is panting by the time he breaks off the kiss. Everything Aiden is feeling right now showed in how he kissed Theo back.
Theo looks dazed, his cheeks scarlet, his wide eyes blinking very fast.
“Whoa,” he breathes softly, staring at Aiden. And then, much more quickly, the blush in his cheeks darkening - “Oh, my god. I can’t believe I just did that. I’m sorry, I don’t know what I-”
“Hey,” Aiden cuts in, struggling to handle the onrush of feelings flooding through him. “It’s - it’s cool.”
Theo blinks at him, then gives him a relieved, shy smile. Aiden matches it, and they both laugh softly.
“Maybe it’s because I only have three days before I go home,” Theo says quietly, thoughtfully. “I’m feeling like I should try - whatever I want to try. If that makes sense.”
“Think I get it, yeah. Think that also might be why I - felt like I could tell you what I said. Dunno. It’s easier this way, to try things.”
Theo bites his lip. “Well, now I want to try… asking you to stay?”
Aiden smiles, his heart winging wildly in his chest.
“I would say yes to that,” he tells Theo. “If I didn’t think you were gonna fall asleep on me.”
“Ugh!” Theo throws his head back in frustration. “Of all the times to literally not be able to move my body. I was just gonna try to ignore that. Power through.”
Aiden laughs quietly, brushes his knuckles over Theo’s jaw. “Love the determination.”
Theo smiles, then nibbles his lip again, thinking. He slowly and stiffly gets up, wincing, then crosses to the dining table. He picks up a slender black pen that says ArchivalMark on the side, then comes back and catches Aiden’s wrist in his hand.
Aiden blinks in surprise as Theo scribbles out a phone number onto his arm.
“That’s my number, for the next three days,” he tells Aiden, all in a rush. “If you want to spend some time together. Once I’ve slept this off and eaten five hundred Ibuprofen tablets. Can’t believe I’m saying any of this. Guess I’m feeling bold. Maybe it’s a three days thing.”
Aiden laughs, then stands up as Theo collapses back into the bed.
“I know we’d only have three days,” Theo says softly. “But - we could make them really good days.”
Aiden falls silent. He’s not sure what to say.
“No pressure,” Theo adds, fiddling anxiously with his pillow. “And - thanks again for everything. Just in case, I want to say that.”
Aiden nods, then scoops up his gym bag. “Nice meeting you, man. Good luck with your program.”
He crosses the room in silence, his eyes roving over the archival tools again.
“Aiden,” Theo says suddenly.
Aiden stops, his hand on the doorknob, and looks back at Theo. Theo blushes, but meets Aiden’s eyes.
“I - I really hope you do use it. My number.”
Aiden steps out into the night to find a soft, cold rain falling. He walks out into it without slowing down, kept warm by the little flame carried in his heart.
~~~~
Aiden folds his elbows onto the railing of the bridge, staring out over the waters of the canal, letting the gentle breeze push through his hair. Night has fallen completely, and the glow of the streetlights reflects on the water in hazy pools. Glittering, in movement from the light, misty rain.
Aiden is deep in thought.
He’s thinking about how he’s going to have to be an active Guardian again when he gets back to Ketterbridge.
The thought usually fills him with immense dread. He had so many failed rescues in a row before he left, and then he was gone for ages, saving no one.
He almost forgot how it feels when he actually does help someone. Like he did tonight, with Theo.
There were some good things about being a Guardian, weren’t there? Besides Jamie’s song?
Aiden glances around. The bridge is empty, dark, shrouded in misty rain. Aiden straightens up and cups his hands. He reaches into corners of his mind that he’s left alone long enough to accumulate a years-thick blanket of dust. It’s like trying to remember a language, one that he knows by heart, but hasn’t spoken in an eternity -
A spark flickers into life in his hands. Tiny, golden, struggling and fighting its way into existence. Spreading a warm glow onto Aiden’s fingers, wavering like the flame of a candle.
It’s far from perfect, but it’s a firefly.
Aiden stares down at the first piece of intentional magic he’s done in as long as he can remember.
After a moment, he lets it go. He leans his elbows on the bridge and watches the golden firefly slowly drift away over the surface of the water, carried off by the breeze. He listens to Jamie’s song as he watches, swims peacefully in the music.
He feels - maybe - happy?
Just a little bit. But yeah. That’s what it is. He had a good day, and he’s happy. Wow.
Aiden rests his chin on his folded arms, lost in warm disbelief.
It’s only really dawning on him now. He’s moving forward. He’s getting somewhere.
Aiden is picking up the pieces, fitting himself back together. Slowly, with baby steps, but maybe that’s how he has to do it. Honestly, he’s almost relieved that he couldn’t stay over at Theo’s place tonight. The kiss, the first sober kiss he’s had in forever and the first real, warm, human connection he’s had in ages - that was a lot for him to handle. More than that would have been too much, too fast.
Slowly, then. Whatever it takes. As long as the path is still leading Aiden to Jamie.
Aiden’s thoughts drift back to Theo. Aiden wasn’t planning on using the number, but - why not, exactly? If he’s going to go back to Ketterbridge in the hopes of being with Jamie forever, wouldn’t it be good to get better at just - being with someone? Even if only briefly?
God knows he’s out of practice. Aiden’s last long term relationship was Mellie, and everyone since has been a one-night thing.
Wouldn’t it be good to go from strictly one night to - trying out three days?
It would give Aiden a chance to practice being nice, too. Practice taking care of someone. Talking to someone. Making someone happy. All things he has to be good at before he can go back to Jamie.
Aiden hesitates, then takes out his phone, punches in the number written on his arm. Saves it, then opens a new text. He’s not sure what to say - already, his rustiness with this kind of thing is showing - so he keeps it simple.
When can I see you again?
He’s surprised when Theo texts him back only a few seconds later. Aiden figured he’d probably be asleep, but apparently not.
Theo 10:51 PM: 😊
Theo 10:51 PM: I didn’t think you were actually gonna use it!
Theo said he thought Aiden should just be himself, so Aiden tries not to think too hard about his response, just do what feels natural. He still ends up overthinking it, but he feels like it sounds like him.
Me 11:08 PM: I was feeling bold. Maybe it’s a three days thing.
Theo 11:08 PM: 😊
Theo 11:08 PM: Breakfast tomorrow? My place? I’ll pick us up some breakfast sandwiches?
Me 11:10 PM: Don’t you try to pick up anything, even breakfast. Your arms need a break. I’ve got it.
Theo 11:10 PM: Aw, really?
Me 11:11 PM: Get your order to me by 9, I’ll be there by 10.
Theo 11:11 PM: You realize you’re saving me from walking up and down those stairs again? How will I ever repay you for this?
Me 11:15 PM: Information? I’m dying to know what the hell illuminated tweezers are used for.
Theo 11:15 PM: Wow. I was trying to turn this towards a sexting sort of situation, but you took it as an opening to ask me more about my archivist tools, and - weirdly, I like that?
Aiden breathes out a quiet laugh, starts to slip his phone back into his pocket, then hesitates. He opens a search browser, hesitates again.
“Just for the hell of it,” he murmurs to himself, then types in: archivist jobs Ketterbridge.
A burst of surprise moves through him when a result actually pops up. Ketterbridge City Hall is looking for an archivist, and the job has been open for - years. Literally, for years. And it doesn’t require a master’s degree, so long as you’re certified.
Aiden stares at the job posting, then lets out a soft, wondering laugh.
Slowly but surely, the pieces are coming together.
Want to leave a comment? I would love it if you did, and you can do so on the Tapas episode!