Sunshowers - Part Twelve
This episode is part of a larger story, Soft Touch. If you haven’t yet, you can go back and read it from the beginning right here.
I settle the blanket over Aiden, then tenderly smooth my hand over his glossy chestnut hair. It’s all tumbled from the wind, and damp from the rain that began to fall in the last leg of our hike back to camp.
The rain was actually helpful, given how muddy we all got tonight. I was secretly hoping we might go to the ranger’s station and shower off there, but Aiden and Ralph were barely awake enough to stagger down to the creek to give themselves the briefest rinse-off after we got back. Noah had to support Ralph on his shoulder the whole time. I had to give Aiden some of my energy to even get him back up the hill.
I’m glad to have him safely back in the tent, settled in for the night.
Warm and dry, with the soft bronze bulk of his powerful body stretched out across the sleeping bags, Aiden makes a sweet and tempting sight. Immense relief fills me up as I look at him, layering itself over the blank astonishment still lingering in me from everything I saw him do tonight.
I can’t stop staring at him with pride and awestruck admiration and fierce, burning love. A lot of emotions are competing for the top spot in my heart right now, but that last one is the one I think made it there.
I lean down, cup his stubbled jaw in my palms, and press a lingering kiss onto his temple. There’s no response, which I think means he’s already asleep.
“Proud of you, Heliomancer,” I whisper in his ear, feathering a few more kisses onto him. “So proud of you.”
A small, satisfied smile flickers across his face. Very close to being asleep, then.
“You can’t imagine the things I’m gonna do to you when we get home,” I whisper confidentially, with a not-subtle purr in my voice.
Aiden gives a rumbling little huff of warm laughter. “I can try to imagine, though. Matter of fact I’m doing that right now.”
I breathe out a soft laugh, stroking his cheek with my thumb. Aiden smiles, turns his head so he can press his face into my hand.
I sit with him for some time, watching him, listening to the tapping of the rain. Eventually his breathing slows down to a deep, sleeping rhythm. I gently pinch his cheek, then get up on my knees and crawl for the opening of our tent.
“Jamie,” comes his deep, rich voice, his body stirring in the sleeping bags. “Did you guys make a fire?”
“No, not yet.”
“Careful, then,” he murmurs, too tired to open his eyes or lift his head. “Don’t trip ‘n fall down the hill or whatever… It’s dark…”
“I’ll be fine,” I promise, gazing across the tent at my Guardian with all my love in my eyes.
Aiden hesitates, then drags one hand out from the sleeping bags. He takes a deep breath, gathering up his remaining magic.
A single firefly bursts free from his fingertip. It drifts over to hang in the air at my shoulder, casting its gentle golden glow against my face.
“Okay, that should…” Aiden begins, then fades off, having officially spent the last of his energy.
I smile adoringly at him, then glance up at the firefly, dropping my voice to a whisper. “Come on then, little guy.”
The firefly drops to float around my ankles, lighting up the ground around me as I walk over to the campfire. I tilt my head back once I get there, taking in the rainy night sky. It’s speckled with so many bright stars, between the clouds.
I set up some kindling for the campfire. I’m worried about lighting it with the drizzle still coming down, but thankfully it doesn’t give me too much trouble. Soon enough a warm glow is spilling out from the center of our little camp, bringing with it the soft snapping and pop of the fire.
I dust off my hands, then go around the campfire to check on the rest of the team.
The firefly follows me across to Ralph and Noah’s tent. I drop down in front of it and quietly lean through the opening.
Ralph is on his side in the sleeping bags, his eyes closed, his hand buried in the blankets by his face. His eyes are bruised dark with exhaustion, but he looks peaceful and unwound, stretched out lax on top of all the bedding in his sweats.
Noah is sitting by his head, hugging his knee to his chest. His head is slightly bent forward over Ralph, so his obsidian hair is spilling down over his shoulder, mostly hiding his expression. His fingers are fidgeting with his lip piercing.
He glances vaguely over at me when I slip into the tent, but doesn’t seem to process that I’m here. His grey eyes go right back to Ralph.
“-sure you’re okay?” he’s asking softly, with obvious worry in his voice.
“You heard Aiden, dude,” Ralph murmurs, his drowsy words slurring together. “He said I just need to sleep.”
“No, yeah. But not - I meant, um-” Noah stops and swallows, twisting and twisting one of the piercings in his ear. “Okay.”
Ralph lets out a slow, sleepy breath. “What’s the matter, Noosh? You sound like-”
“No, no, I’m not!” Noah interrupts, dashing a hand across his eyes. “Just, you know - knowing how you feel about dogs, besides Tycho and like two others, that - that was - that was pretty fucking crazy what you did for me, man…”
Noah stops in confusion as Ralph breathes out a soft laugh.
“Oh, man,” he mumbles, smiling to himself. “Do I really have a Raunier telling me something I did was crazy? Feels like a badge of honor, but not necessarily one I’d want people knowing about.”
Noah lets out a ragged, dazed laugh. “Yeah, dude, congrats, you’re a fucking madman. Officially. Presidential award of holy fucking shit, look at this fucking guy.”
Ralph lets out another tired laugh. Noah laughs shakily, too, then hesitates, bites his lip.
“So you’re - you’re not mad at me?” he asks haltingly, picking at his Trans-Am shirt. “For making you have to do that?”
“No,” Ralph murmurs. “Wasn’t your fault. Don’t worry about it.”
“Oh,” Noah rasps, sounding overwhelmed. “Okay…”
There’s a silence. Noah hangs his head and sits still, then breathlessly adds - “So like, I want to believe that, but I’m all jittery like I always get when I’m worried I might be wrong about something… if - if you’re mad at me, I’d totally understand, this time.”
A flash of guilt goes over Ralph’s face. The anxiety in Noah’s voice is more than obvious.
“No,” he promises quietly. “Not mad, Noosh. Honestly. Just glad you’re okay.”
Noah stares down at him, then starts fidgeting with his lip piercing again.
“Alright,” he stammers, sounding a little lightheaded, his hoarse voice full of relief and gratitude.
“Wasn’t even that bad,” Ralph tries valiantly.
“Yeah, okay.” Noah gives a short, scoffing laugh, swiping a trembling hand beneath his nose. “Super believable, man. Guess you think you’re talking to a fool.”
“No,” Ralph murmurs again, his very serious voice warm with fondness.
Noah pauses, blinking hard. He lowers his hand towards Ralph, leaves it hovering just over his arm for a second, then drops it into the sleeping bag.
“Are you hungry?” he asks unsteadily, after a moment or two. He gathers up a handful of his long hair, knotting half of it back into a loose bun. “Jamie and I were gonna try to cook something. We can probably manage. It’ll just be worse than if Aiden did it. Lots worse.”
Ralph shakes his head, his chest rising and falling in a deep, sleepy sigh. “I’m too tired, tempting as that sounds.”
“Okay, then - I’ll get you a bunch of stuff from Eduardo’s cafe tomorrow,” Noah promises earnestly. “The whole works, alright? Meantime why don’t you go to sleep, if you’re so tired?”
“Trying to think about what we’re up against tomorrow,” Ralph sighs sleepily, his words growing slower and slower. “Witch, Wendy… saucepan… Hanely and Grimm… oh, that reminds me, Noosh. To answer your earlier question, no, Hanely’s nose can’t be the one thing you break in the hotel.”
“But if Humpty is in the hotel,” Noah explains patiently, “Then technically his nose is, too.”
Ralph’s eyebrows furrow in bewilderment, an affectionate laugh breaking from his lips. “Like - yeah? I can’t argue with that. Still, answer’s no. Remember how I said this situation calls for delicacy?”
“Yeah?”
“Means you can’t smash anyone else’s face in,” Ralph explains, then suppresses a laugh when he glances up to find Noah looking very put out. “Look, you’ve already rearranged Grimm’s nose, haven’t you? That’s enough. We shouldn't do anything to make those two hate us more than they already do. Although I think that battle’s already lost. Nothing we do is gonna convince them to let us peacefully go about our work tomorrow…”
“Unless maybe Keane can seduce them?” Noah suggests, yawning as his exhaustion catches up with him.
“Oh!” I cut in immediately. “Well, that’s not gonna happen, so!”
Ralph is too tired to move, but Noah looks over in surprise, finally registering that I’m here.
“Why not? You can do it, man!” He gives my shoulder an encouraging slap as I climb the rest of the way into the tent. “You’ve got the bone structure, and eyes like a fine autumn day!”
I let out a pleased, startled laugh, putting a hand to my chest. “Aw, dude!”
“Alright, I must be tired, too,” Noah laughs, rubbing his eyes. “I’m just saying things, now. Trying to think of a plan so Ralph doesn't have to.”
“Ralph, your thoughts on that plan from Noah?”
“Extremely unwise.” Ralph pulls a disapproving face, frowning against the sleeping bags. “Even if it works, and even if somehow Aiden doesn’t kill us all over it - it’s a giant reward for two people who don’t deserve one. That’s my main problem with it. I don’t know why, ‘cause there are lots to choose from.”
“Wh-?” I let out a sputter of laughter, grinning widely as I shake my head at him and Noah. “You guys should just be glad Aiden didn’t hear any of this conversation, even if I am finding it weirdly flattering. Actually go ahead, keep talking about what a rewarding experience it is to be seduced by me.”
“Shit, is that where the conversation has got to? This is why I let Ralph do the thinking.” Noah stretches his arms up over his head, then presses his palms to his eyes, letting out a long, heavy breath. “Jesus, I’m wiped the fuck out all of a sudden.”
“Go horribly burn us some dinner.” I give him a gentle push towards the entrance of the tent. “Then we can go to sleep.”
Noah throws a hesitant glance at Ralph’s motionless, silent form. I pull my boots off, then climb further into the tent.
“Go ahead,” I tell Noah softly. “I’ll hang out with him for a little bit.”
Noah turns to go, then suddenly turns back to Ralph, bends down, and briefly clasps him in a fierce, tight hug.
“Don’t you ever do any shit like that again, okay?” he says forcefully, right into Ralph’s ear. “Next time you jump out in front of something trying to kill me, I’ll kill you!”
“Fuck off, telling me what I can and can’t do,” Ralph answers automatically, only half-awake and half-forming his words. “Try and kill me, bitch, see what happens-”
“Okay,” I cut in firmly, catching a handful of Noah’s shirt and pulling him back. “Go on, Noah, before this turns into a wrestling match somehow.”
Noah hesitates, then gives a lock of Ralph’s hair a gentle, affectionate tug before he slips outside.
I sit down cross-legged beside Ralph. The glow of the firefly at my shoulder falls across his face, and he blinks against the light, instinctively drawing himself back into the darkness. I give the firefly a gentle push in the direction of the tent opening, sending it off to keep Noah company so that Ralph can rest comfortably in the shadows. The tent lapses into a warm half-glow from the fire outside.
A few minutes pass in silence. I’m not sure if Ralph has fallen asleep, or even if he knows I’m still here, until he drowsily murmurs -
“Sensing some huge baby seal eyes on me right now. Guessing that’s you, Jamie?”
“If you refuse to go to sleep then one of us is gonna be hanging out with you, dude,” I tell him lightly.
“So glad that someone happens to be the chattiest one in the group,” Ralph groans into the sleeping bag. “Any chance you could just-?”
“What a night, huh?” I ask conversationally, leaning back on my hands. “Shit’s been crazy, and we’ve had no time to discuss any of it. Did I even get the chance to tell you I saw an owl earlier?”
“No, and I don’t care.”
“It was so tiny!”
Ralph pauses, then briefly opens one eye. “D’you get a picture?”
“No, but maybe it’ll come back later. Guess I forgot about it with so much going on… Some warfare for the Warlord tonight, holy shit. There was even a dogfight! That’s a war thing.”
Ralph bites his lip, apparently trying not to laugh. “That’s not what a dogfight means, not in war.”
“Oh. Well, you know what I mean. How did we all get split up in the first place, by the way?”
Ralph makes a faint sound to indicate that he doesn’t know, and doesn’t really care. I pause for a moment, looking down at him fondly. Feeling deeply appreciative, and a little worried about him.
“You are alright, aren’t you, Ralph?”
He crinkles his nose in exasperation, pushing his fingers through his thick gold hair. “Why’s everyone keep asking me that?”
“Here, roll over so I can look at your face.”
“What-? No, dude, get the fuck out of here.”
I make a wounded, pouty face at him. “You’re so aggressive!”
“Goddamn right I am,” he growls, “And if you think I’m gonna let my brother’s bossy boyfriend get the idea in his head that he can tell me what to do-”
“Ralph!” I insist, a little more sternly.
He lays still for a second, then breathes out a heavy sigh, grimacing expressively as he rolls onto his back. “How did my life end up like this?”
“I only need one second,” I promise.
“Yeah, Sharpshooter.” He briefly opens his eyes, gazes up at me in fond exasperation. “I know you do.”
I take a close look at the expression in his exhausted sage eyes, then sit back in mingled relief and amazement.
“Wow, how are you okay? If that had been me down there, and it was bears instead of dogs, I think my heart would’ve just given up.”
“Dogs are way scarier than bears,” Ralph mumbles, rolling onto his side again.
“Do you really think so? Shit, dude. I think you have a concussion.”
“Oh, me? I’m the one with brain problems? I don’t even think you’ve got one, Keane.” With perceptible effort, Ralph reaches up to poke my forehead. “It’s all just baby bunnies chasing each other around and snuggling in there.”
I let out an indignant laugh, and he drops his hand onto the sleeping bags again. His other arm is wrapped around himself, his fingers resting loosely on his wings.
There’s a brief silence. Only the soft respiration of the rain on the tent walls and the snapping of the fire outside break the quiet.
“Honestly, at the moment it may as well just be bunnies running around my head,” I murmur softly, running a dazed hand through my damp hair. “So much has happened, I can barely process it all.”
Ralph lets out a soft, stunned little sound of agreement. “You and me both.”
“I’m still not even over the fact that you sincerely thought Kasey faked her own death. I mean, that would be very her, you were surprisingly on the mark there, but still.”
Ralph blows out a frustrated breath that flutters the strand of blonde falling over his eyes. “Should’ve never admitted that.”
“No, I’m actually glad you did,” I answer earnestly. “You thinking that Kasey faked her death, that explains…”
I trail off and nibble my lip, wishing I hadn’t said any of that out loud.
“Explains what?” Ralph murmurs.
“I, um…” I wince regretfully, waving a hand at him. “Nothing.”
“No, what?”
“Just… that day when Aiden and I came to your house last summer, and we went out into the forest,” I begin reluctantly, “I overheard you arguing with Aiden, and you said something really cold about Kasey dying. It was like - you’re just hanging out with Jamie because you feel bad for him, his friend died, big deal. Something like that. I know you were a lot different back then, but still, it was so mean…”
Ralph winces with his whole face, then hides it in the sleeping bag.
“But if you seriously believed Kasey was secretly still alive,” I explain hastily, “Then - now I see how you could talk about it like that. That’s what I was saying.”
There’s a beat of silence. A breeze blows over the tent, bringing a rush of little raindrops against it.
“I’m sorry, man,” Ralph mumbles into the sleeping bag, his voice slow and slurred with fatigue. “I shouldn’t have said that, but I really did think she was alive. It was the only explanation I could think of that made sense, given how you were acting. I know everyone deals with it different, and some people are real good at hiding it, but I… I knew how sad you should’ve been. I would’ve recognized it, and I couldn’t see it on you. You just didn’t look like something that was holding you up inside broke.”
My eyes flit to the fingertips he has resting against the angel wings inked into his ribs. Fierce, painful sympathy makes my heart ache unbearably for him for a moment.
“It’s okay,” I answer softly. “At least it finally makes sense to me now, and it never did before. I was like, even when Ralph was at his worst, it’s not like he doesn’t have a soul, so how could he say something like that?”
Ralph hesitates, then slowly opens his eyes, gazing off in the direction where Noah just disappeared. A tortured, stormy look flashes through his tired eyes, guilt and shame and remorse all mixed up together. He doesn’t say anything, only picks at the dark blue and gold fabric of the sleeping bag.
I stare down at him in surprise, considerably taken aback, then reach down to poke his ribs.
“Ralph.” I lean over him until he has to meet my gaze. “First of all, Noah forgave you. Second of all - I know you’ve been through a lot, and you’ve got a lot on your conscience, but you’re not soulless.”
Ralph hesitates. I can tell that it’s hard for him to think when he’s this exhausted.
Suddenly an unconscious smile flickers across his face, like some sweet, reassuring thought just occurred to him.
“Yeah, I’ve got myself a soul.” He shuts his eyes again, pushing his fingers through his hair. “In Munich, at the moment. Maybe doing some software engineering. More likely taking a bath in the fancy hotel room. Possibly stealing something from the lobby.”
I break into a surprised little smile.
“Yeah, okay,” I laugh quietly. “You’ve got that soul, too. By the way, I felt a tiny sliver of what you feel about her when we were all getting body-swapped earlier, and it nearly knocked me on my ass. You’ve got it bad, huh?”
Ralph, too tired to have his usual defenses up, shrugs his shoulders helplessly, smiling to himself.
“She… I ain’t never…” he begins dreamily, then catches himself and stops, scowling. “Quit making me say things.”
I bite down on my smile, trying not to grin widely at him. His eyes are closed, but somehow I think he’ll know.
“But you know what I meant, before,” I add, growing serious again. “I was talking about your own soul. You still have that.”
Ralph curls his fingers into his wristbands, doesn’t answer.
“Of course he does,” comes an unexpected, very deep voice from behind me.
I turn in surprise as Aiden crawls into the tent, cool air and raindrops from outside clinging to him. He brushes a kiss onto my mouth, then collapses down next to Ralph on the sleeping bags, yawning deeply.
“I can hear it,” he adds, as Ralph opens his eyes to look at him in surprise. “Your soul. It’s in there with all the others.”
Ralph gazes at Aiden for a moment, then looks up at the ceiling of the tent. Watching the rain tap against the nylon walls, and the fluttering, wavy shadows cast by the fire outside. His answer is a long time in coming.
“What are you doing here, Aiden?”
“Had a feeling you’d be trying to stay up and scheme and shit, so I came to tell you to shut it down and go the fuck to sleep.” Aiden languidly reaches over and drags his hand over Ralph’s eyes, closing them for him. “Don’t bother trying to think through this kind of tired.”
“We’ve got stuff to figure out.” Ralph lifts his hand like he’s going to push Aiden’s away, then gives up and drops it. “Saucepan complications to deal with…”
“Forget that,” Aiden rumbles, his words all melting together. “No point trying right now, I promise.”
Ralph falls silent, then breathes out a little laugh.
“This feels familiar, doesn’t it, A?” His words are getting slower and slower as he speaks. “Like at the end of a coke sesh in high school, when we’d all get back to my house and crash after peaking so hard, and you’d hold Noah’s head under the faucet to wake him up, but then we’d all fall asleep on the-”
“Dude,” Aiden groans, half-laughing. “Don’t talk about it… Jamie doesn’t need to hear about every dumb fuckin’ thing we ever…”
He trails off, and Ralph doesn’t answer. They’re both asleep.
I look up as Noah crawls back into the tent, damp with rain. His eyes fall on Ralph and Aiden.
“What’s going on?” he whispers to me.
“A - coke-sesh conversation, I guess?”
“Aw, true, it’s just like the old days,” Noah snickers softly. “Surprised Aiden doesn’t have my head in the sink.”
“You idiots,” I laugh quietly, as Noah automatically moves over to lay down on the other side of Ralph. “Are you going to sleep?”
“Tired,” Noah mumbles, flopping down on the sleeping bags and folding his arms beneath his cheek. “Don’t worry, I put out the campfire.”
“What about the food you made for dinner?”
“Yeah, um - definitely don’t eat that. It was sticking to my hands like napalm. Must have messed it up somehow, I dunno.”
“Okay,” I laugh helplessly. “But - hang on, man, I can’t move Aiden, and I don’t want to sleep in a tent by myself…”
No answer from Noah, whose eyes have already fluttered shut.
I let out a little sigh, then reach for the zipper of the tent and seal it up. “Okay, guess we’re doing this, then.”
Good thing it’s a roomy tent. Even so, we’re all pretty squeezed in. I settle down next to Aiden. That’s the only place there’s room for me.
Without waking up, he puts an arm around me, gently draws me to his side.
That’s all it takes for me to slip off to sleep. Piled up with the rest of the exhausted team. Inhaling the scent of aged paper and fresh vetiver and forest rain clinging to Aiden’s shirt. Remembering the way the sunlight danced in his hands, the magic he did tonight.
Smiling even as I pass out, too proud of him for words.
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