Special Episode: The Bar (Part II)
This episode is part of a larger story, Soft Touch. If you haven’t yet, you can go back and read it from the beginning right here.
The bar has low golden lights, colored up here and there where neon signs are glowing. Some faded old Christmas lights are wound around the liquor shelf. Slow rock ‘n roll playing through old speakers. Not too loud, but the bass thrums the windows on the deeper beats. The walls are plastered with framed pictures of platoons, newspaper clippings, a vinyl album or two.
Aiden, Ralph, and Father Leo took a booth table in the back corner. Seems like this is Leo’s usual spot, based on the second-nature way he settled himself in and stretched out his long legs. Makes sense. The booth is set just far back enough that between the general chatter and the music it’s easy to talk privately, without being overheard.
Leo and Aiden are already comfortably chatting about something or other, although Aiden keeps stealing swift, worried glances at Ralph from the corner of his eye.
Ralph is only vaguely aware of that. Of any of it, really. His attention is cutting through the crowd like a lighthouse beam, falling on the man standing at the end of the bar.
The one who opened the door, and called him Adam.
“No…” Ralph had started to answer, and as soon as he did the guy started blinking very hard and fast, hastily dragged his arm over his face, and stumbled back into the bar, stammering something about mistaking him for someone else.
At which point Aiden, thunderstruck and alarmed, put a hand on Ralph’s back and asked him something that Ralph didn’t hear. Leo rejoined them before they could say anything else to each other about it, but that was fine. Ralph couldn’t have spoken a word right then, anyways.
The stranger is leaning his elbows on the bar top, keeping his head down. But he stands out from the crowd, because everyone in here is talking or arguing, playing darts or drinking. Relaxing. The dark-haired man, on the other hand, looks like a ghost just walked into the bar and he’s the only one who’s noticed.
He’s holding tightly onto the bar top, silent and rigid, talking to no one. His shoulders are rising and falling with strange, irregular breaths. He hasn’t touched the replacement beer the bartender slid to him.
Ralph has seen him glance at the door of the bar more than once, like he’s thinking of bolting for it. But he hasn’t done that. He’s stayed.
Twice now Ralph has caught the guy stealing a very fast glance at him. Too quickly to see his expression, but Ralph sure as hell saw the expression on his face when he first opened the door, and he was more shaken by it than he would ever admit.
“Hey, LT,” he says abruptly, without thinking. “Who’s that over there? Do you know him?”
Leo and Aiden look over at Ralph, their conversation broken off mid-sentence. It’s the first thing Ralph has said since they came in here, so they’re both a little surprised. Leo straightens up and peers across the bar to see who he means.
“Who, Cooper? Capable SAW gunner, but not much of a conversationalist, if I’m being honest.”
“No, at the end of the bar. With the neck tattoos.”
Leo’s eyes find the man Ralph is talking about, and brighten with warm familiarity.
“Oh, that’ll be Hilevich!” he says fondly. “One of our airmen. He’s one hell of a pilot, one hell of a poker player, too. Bet the Air Force misses him, but I can tell when a man’s got no plans to reenlist. These days he works as an SAR pilot. You’ll never hear him talk about it, but he’s done some crazy rescues, real risky flights. Man’s fearless, almost to a fault. Enough to make us all worry about him, that much is for sure.”
Leo’s eyebrows furrow in faint concern as he gets a longer look at Hilevich.
“I’m… not sure what’s gotten into him tonight,” he adds.
Hilevich abruptly drops his beer down on the bar top and strikes out across the bar, quickly weaving his way through everyone. He lets himself out through a side door and disappears into the rainy night.
There was a silent debate raging within Ralph. Now, not totally aware that he’s doing it, he rises to his feet like one side of that debate already won.
He’s about halfway across the bar when Aiden catches up and grabs his arm.
“Hey,” he says softly, his blue eyes full of worry and guilt. “Are you alright? I’m sorry, man, this is not what I – I didn’t know-”
“It’s fine,” Ralph murmurs, already brushing him off.
He doesn’t hear what Aiden says to that, or even if he said anything. He forges ahead to the side door of the bar, where he stops, his heartbeat thrumming in his ears.
He runs one hand over the angel wings tattooed on his ribs, closes his eyes for a second. Tries to find a quiet place. Then he pushes open the door and steps out into the soft, fine rain drifting down outside.
Night has taken over the landscape, but the glow from the bar is plenty enough to see by. The twinkling lights of Greenrock off in the distance are wrapped in a blue haze of autumn mist, glinting through it. There are two trees by the bar, big ones, old ones, dripping with rain. They make moonlight-lined shadows in the darkness.
Ralph stops to look around, and there he is. Hilevich. He cuts a sharp figure out of the misty softness. He’s leaning back against the wall, with an unlit cigarette threaded through his fingers and his face tilted up to the rain.
Ralph lets the door swing shut. Hilevich hears it and turns his head sharply. His eyes meet Ralph’s, get real big again. He goes perfectly motionless, just staring at him.
Ralph draws closer, leans back against the wall beside him, and offers him his lighter.
Hilevich stands frozen for another second, then slowly takes it with a nod of thanks.
Ralph uses the opportunity to get a better look at him in the golden light from the nearby window. He’s tall, lean but solidly built. He has dusky skin and very dark brown eyes, like black rum. Jet black hair cut into a faux hawk fade, an equally dark beard cut pretty short. An intricate collection of tattoos spills down his neck and runs into the collar of his shirt. Looks mostly like Catholic imagery and iconography, to Ralph’s untrained eye.
His right forearm is stained a darker color in an uneven splash. A big, brutal, long-healed burn, running from his elbow all the way to his wrist. There’s a scar across the burn from some kind of deep, bone-breaking injury, too. Although it clearly healed forever ago, it puts a dip in Hilevich’s forearm so deep that a person could lay a finger in it.
Tough-looking guy. Ralph pegs him for a real heavy badass. But he keeps his eyes cast all the way down his battered combat boots as he lights his cigarette. He doesn’t look up as Ralph lights a cigarette of his own. And he’s still breathing strangely, like he’s winded from seeing Ralph in the doorway.
“I’m not Adam,” Ralph hears himself say.
Hilevich lets out a trembling rush of breath, rolling his cig between his fingertips, keeping his eyes on the glowing end. His deep voice comes out hoarse, and reveals that he has a slight drawl.
“No, ‘course not,” he murmurs, very quietly. “You’re Ralph.”
Ralph draws back, startled, and Hilevich finally looks him in the eyes.
“I knew your daddy,” he says with obvious difficulty, his gruff voice all raspy. “We – served together.”
There’s a brief silence.
“I figured it must be something like that, same unit or something,” Ralph answers slowly. “Surprised you know who I am, though.”
“Couldn’t not know about you, if you knew Adam. I’ve seen your handprint, too.”
Hilevich touches a finger to his own arm. Ralph drops his gaze to it in confusion, thinking he means the burn, then understands all at once what he’s talking about. The tattoo of Ralph’s handprint from when he was a baby. Ralph’s dad had it inked right in that exact spot on his arm.
Ralph lifts his gaze to Hilevich’s face again, and finds that Hilevich hasn’t taken his eyes off of him. He’s staring at Ralph dazedly, like he can’t believe what he’s seeing.
“Shit, you look just like him,” he rasps, with a shaky exhale almost like a laugh. “I ain’t never seen such a close resemblance between father and son. It’s crazy, it’s like… like looking right at him…”
He trails off, clears his throat, then quickly adds - “Although your dad was real friendly lookin’ all the time. You, on the other hand, look like a man I wouldn’t want to mess with. I’ve never seen you at this bar before, but you fit right in.”
“This is my first time here.” Ralph lets out a slow stream of smoke through his nose, trying to will his racing heartbeat into slowing down, too. “I met Father Leo recently, and he said I could come by sometime if I wanted. I didn’t know someone who flew with my dad would be here.”
Hilevich, who had just broken his gaze away, darts a swift glance at Ralph.
“Maybe he – did your dad ever mention me to you? On the phone, or anything like that? Name’s Hilevich.”
For the first time in as long as he can remember, Ralph thinks back to the phone calls from his dad while he was deployed. He remembers sitting on the floor in his pajamas with the phone pressed to his ear, his heart glowing with relief and happiness as his dad’s warm voice reached him from the other end of the line.
“It’s hard to remember… he told me about a couple guys he served with, but I don’t remember hearing Hilevich.”
Hilevich bites his lip, then hangs his head and takes a silent drag on his cigarette.
“Doesn’t mean he didn’t say it, though,” Ralph adds quickly. “To be honest I can’t really think of any of the names. The only one I remember hearing is Julian, ‘cause it came up a couple of times.”
Hilevich lifts his head sharply, blinking hard.
“That’s – that’s me,” he says quietly. “I’m Julian.”
Ralph stares at Julian Hilevich with wide eyes, struggling to get a breath around the storm of complicated turmoil in his heart.
He never really knew whether or not he wanted a chance like this, and now suddenly here it is, leaning back against the wall beside him. A real, tangible connection to his dad. Someone who knew him while he was deployed.
Ralph never felt sure if he wanted to hear what someone like that had to say. Sometimes he sorely, desperately wished he could, and other times he was deeply relieved that he couldn’t. There was no knowing what they would say, what he would learn. Who knew if he could even trust what they told him? There was nothing to stop someone from telling Ralph lies about his dad. He had no way of checking anything, no way to know if anything he heard was true.
It felt wiser and safer to leave that all in the past. But now, all of a sudden, here’s the opportunity. Julian. He knew Ralph’s dad. Knew him pretty well, too, from what Ralph can discern. All the guys in the bar call each other by last name, and some of them don’t even do that, calling each other corporal or sarge or whatever instead.
Hilevich calls Ralph’s dad Adam, and Ralph’s dad called him Julian.
There’s also the matter of Julian remembering the exact placement of that handprint tattoo after all this time. But the reaction when he opened the door and saw Ralph would’ve been enough to know, all by itself. The state he’s in right now would be enough to know, too.
Clearly this guy cared about Ralph’s dad. A lot.
The thought sends a jagged, guilt-ridden blade through Ralph’s heart. His dad enlisted because of him. So he always thought if he met someone else who truly cared about his dad, they would look at him like he was unforgivable, and their accusatory eyes would say – I lost so fucking much, all because of you.
The startling, unexpected thing is that Hilevich is looking at Ralph like he expects Ralph to look at him that way. His eyes are stormy with complicated, battling emotions, but Ralph can make out the agonized guilt and unspoken apology he senses in his own eyes, reflected right back at him.
Ralph bites the inside of his cheek, struggling with himself. He’s at a loss to know what to do, but his intuition is talking to him, telling him that he can trust Julian to only tell him the truth. So maybe…
“What happened to your nose?” Julian asks suddenly, with concern in his voice.
Seems like a ridiculous thing for him to trouble himself about – especially given that his own arm looks like it was doused with fire and then smashed with a crowbar or something – so this takes Ralph off-guard.
He touches his fingertips to the badly-healed break in the bridge of his nose. “Is it that noticeable?”
“Probably just to me, ‘cause Adam didn’t have it, and you do.”
Ralph shrugs his shoulders, lowering his fingers. “It’s nothing. From forever ago. Some kids picking on me and my friends.”
For some reason this makes Julian wince guiltily, his gaze dropping back to his boots.
“Your dad was worried that type of thing might happen while he was away. He said you were a sensitive kid.” He lifts his gaze to Ralph again, looks at him appraisingly. “Although… you look to me like someone who can more than handle himself.”
Ralph points to his nose, breathing out some smoke. “This wasn’t the worst injury to come out of that day.”
Julian arches his eyebrows, then cracks a tiny grin. “Somehow I don’t doubt it.”
They both laugh quietly, then fall silent. Ralph is still fighting with himself, trying to make a decision. This would be a good place to cut it short and say goodbye, if he wants to. He doesn’t have to hear anything else. Or say anything else, which is just as hard.
“Can I ask why you enlisted, Julian?” he asks before he can stop himself.
Julian gives his shoulders a helpless shrug.
“Trusted a recruiter,” he says simply, then straightens up against the wall, catching Ralph’s eye with a very serious expression in his own. “Don’t you go making that mistake, now. Your dad never wanted that for you.”
“Nah, I won’t,” Ralph answers firmly. “I’ve got my own business now. Someone’s gotta run it. A lot of people count on me.”
Julian nods slowly, lifting the cigarette back to his mouth. “He said you were smart, too. So that don’t come as no surprise to me. I only wonder what sort of business a man who looks like you would run. Why do I want to guess it’s something off the books? Something the government wouldn’t like?”
Ralph cracks a small smile. “I go my own way.”
Julian breathes out a laugh, absorbing that. “Well, good. That would be something Adam did want for you.”
Ralph makes the decision suddenly, swiftly, almost without meaning to.
“It sounds like you knew my dad pretty well,” he says, gazing searchingly at Julian, putting a hint of a question into his voice.
Julian steals a very fast glance at Ralph, then turns away, looking lost. He nods silently, lifting his cig to his mouth.
“I always wished,” Ralph goes on slowly, not quite believing he’s saying any of this out loud, “That I could have known him when I was more grown up. So I could know him better, the way you can’t really know people when you’re a kid. Like… know more about who he was, besides my dad.”
Julian has been listening silently, watching Ralph, but his eyes dart away when Ralph turns his head to look at him.
“Well… I knew Adam in the way you mean.” He falters, takes a deep breath. “I can tell you… he annoyed the hell out of all of us, in the beginning.”
Ralph freezes, considerably taken aback, but Julian breathes out what sounds like a fond laugh, rubbing his eyes.
“I’ll be honest, everybody picked on him at first. He was just so damn nice, it pissed us all off. And he would never shut up about you, even though we all gave him hell for going on and on about it. It didn’t help him none that he was set up with a face like that, and the perfect green eyes. We used to call him Poster Boy, because he seemed more like he belonged on a recruitment poster than actually out in combat.”
Ralph can only stare at Julian, who takes a few fast, shallow breaths.
“But he was just – unfailingly all the things he was. Damn good pilot, too. Eventually we all got to be real fond of him. Protective of him, you might say, especially if our CO was picking on him. I think there would’ve been a riot if they’d reassigned him to another squadron.”
Ralph stands in perfect, motionless silence for a long moment. His mind is racing, because this is already way more information about his dad than he ever had before.
In a rough voice, he manages - “When did you change your mind about him?”
Julian keeps his eyes on his boots, giving his shoulders a very slight shrug.
“Happened gradually. At first I was just impressed with how he flew, came to respect him as a pilot. Then I got to know him better, and – I don’t know, we just got close. If you mean when did I realize I changed my mind, it was after he pulled a seriously risky move that he just barely made it out of. The ground crew was terrified, and I – I knew he’d done what he had to, but I was angrier with him than I’d ever been with anyone in my life. Which is saying something.”
“You saw him do it?”
“I was flying right beside him.” Julian drops his gaze to his cig again, running one hand over his tattooed neck. “We flew together a lot. I mean – ‘course we did. Same fighter squadron. But the way it lined up I always had him right to my left.”
Ralph takes a shaky, unsteady breath. “So he – he liked flying?”
“Flying, he liked. But he didn’t like what we were doing. They train you not to let your conscience get in the way, but that never took, with Adam. Never would, knowing him.” Julian hesitates, then murmurs, “He was planning on getting out as soon as he was done with his deployment. Just like I was. We talked about it a lot, we… we were hoping we could find some way to keep flying together. After.”
Ralph doesn’t know what to say. He’s reeling inside, leaning very heavily into the wall. It might be the only thing keeping him on his feet, which is why he needs to hold so still. He never expected to have so many blanks filled in, and all at once.
“Mostly what he liked to do was talk about you, though,” Julian goes on, drawing Ralph’s eyes back to his face. “You were the pride of his heart, boy. You don’t know how lucky you were in that respect. The pride of my daddy’s heart was his car.”
Ralph breathes out a shaky laugh, wishing so badly that his eyes weren’t misting up. At least the same thing is happening to Julian.
“He was a good man,” he says, softly and hoarsely, not looking at Ralph. “I always wanted to tell you that. I actually wanted to come see you, after… after what happened.”
Ralph draws back, caught by surprise.
Julian bites his lip, staring off into the rain. “Your dad told me that he had a wreck of a little boat left to him by his dad. Said it was parked in the backyard behind your place, that you and him were fixing it up together.”
“Oh, god, that boat.” Ralph lets out a soft, ragged laugh. “We worked on it for years and could never get it going. I never wanted to tell him, but I was pretty sure that thing was beyond repair. Unless we somehow got our hands on a bunch of new parts that we’d definitely never be able to afford.”
Julian gives him a small, sad smile. “He knew that, too. He told me he didn’t care if it got fixed, he just wanted you two to have something to work on together.”
Ralph stares silently at Julian, the end of the cigarette all but crushed in his fingers.
“Well, after he died I got your address off an envelope full of drawings you sent him. Took me a little while, because I was – pretty inconsolable myself, just – shell-shocked, and… but when I could think again I went down to where you lived, so I could talk to you. Brought some toys for you, and all that.”
Ralph blinks hard, startled, then immediately casts his mind back, trying to remember Julian showing up at his old place. The frustrating reality is that a lot of strange men showed up at the trailer to visit his mom, and it wasn’t uncommon for them to bring some toys to keep Ralph busy and distracted. But he doesn’t remember seeing Julian among them, and he has a long memory.
“I don’t remember that,” he tells Julian.
“No, you wouldn’t. Because I – I spotted you from off down the street, out in the backyard. Sitting in the boat. Alone. And I…” He lifts his eyes to meet Ralph’s, his voice growing hoarse again. “I just couldn’t face you, kid. I’m sorry.”
Silence falls for a long moment. Ralph and Julian glance away from each other, both of them quietly trying to catch a real breath. The rain falls softly, and Ralph automatically starts to pull his hood up over his hair, then stops. The droplets of rain on his face and eyelashes are making it less obvious, he hopes.
“It’s – it’s okay. I understand.” Ralph swallows hard, blinking very fast. “Did my dad ever tell you about the situation at home?”
Julian’s expression hardens.
“You mean about his wife? Yeah, he told me. And how is your mama, these days?”
Ralph can’t believe he’s being this forthcoming and honest with a stranger, but – “We’re not in touch. Sometimes she shows up to ask me for money, if she’s desperate enough.”
Julian arches an eyebrow. “Do you give it to her?”
Through gritted teeth, Ralph answers - “Only because that’s what he would do.”
Julian lets out a mirthless laugh, stabbing his cigarette out against the wall. “Well, you’re right about that, although I could never see why. Sounded to me like she put him through hell. He was going to leave her and take you away when he got back. You knew of the escape plans, I assume?”
“Yeah. Only a shame they never got off the ground. I wish he’d gotten away. Gotten to be with someone else. Someone better than my mom, like – someone who really loved him.” Ralph hangs his head, wincing as his trembling voice wavers. “That’s one of the things that kills me about it. If his life was gonna be that short, then I just wish… I wish it had been happier.”
Julian gazes at Ralph for a long moment, then slowly, earnestly shakes his head.
“It wasn’t as unhappy as you remember, Ralph. Matter of fact, you’ve got it all wrong.”
Ralph’s eyes blink up to meet Julian’s again. “What? What do you mean?”
“Maybe the times when he was sad just stuck with you something powerful, because it was so hard for you to see him upset. But Adam would be offended if you said his whole life was miserable. It’s not true. He may not have had much growin’ up, but I know he loved his own dad a whole lot. They were real close. He had a good childhood in Ketterbridge, that’s why he wanted to move back there with you once he could afford it. Wasn’t just as a kid that he was happy, either, not by a long shot. He had friends when he served, guys who were like brothers to him. He had good flights he came back from just glowin’. He had me. And he had you. When he talked about home that was what he talked about, you. And believe me, he didn’t sound like a man who thought that life had shorted him anything.”
Silence falls again. Ralph can’t be the one to break it. If Julian somehow hasn’t noticed the tears mixed up with the rain on his face, he’ll most definitely hear them in his voice.
“And you?” Julian asks, after a long moment. “How’s life treating you?”
“It’s…” Ralph dashes his sleeve beneath his nose, clearing his throat. “Pretty good, actually. Bad for a while, but it’s not like that these days. My business is doing well. I live in Ketterbridge, got my people there. Have myself a girl out in Port Sitka who I’m crazy about. And a puppy who’s starting to get alarmingly big. I’m sort of worried I might have accidentally taken in a wolf.”
Julian lets out a shaky laugh, nodding slowly. “So you’re… you’re doing good, then?”
“Yeah. Guess I am.”
Julian leans heavily back against the wall. Ralph could swear that it’s both of them feeling this strange, powerful, deep sense of relief. If each of them for their own reasons.
“Was that the truth, what you said about my dad’s life being happier than I remember? Or did you just say that to make me feel better?”
Julian looks over at Ralph, then straightens up from the wall and takes his wallet from the pocket of his jeans. Slowly and carefully, he takes something out and offers it to Ralph. Ralph drops his cigarette and crushes it out with his boot so he can take it, spreading one hand over it to shelter it from the rain.
It’s a photo. A polaroid, clearly taken a long time ago.
Ralph stares down at the picture of his dad and Julian. It must have been taken when they were on some kind of break or leave, because they’re wearing civilian clothes, and there’s a beach off in the distance behind them. Both of them have a deep tan, sunburned cheeks.
Julian is younger, more lean and less muscled, down a few tattoos. He’s smiling with his whole face, his eyes two upturned crescents of dark lashes. His yet-undamaged arms are stretched out to take the picture. Ralph’s dad is behind Julian with his arms flung around his shoulders, giving him a squeeze. He’s grinning happily, his head tilted just a little to the side, his blonde hair all blown around by the wind.
“That look to you like a man who regretted his whole life?” Julian asks, fidgeting with his dog tags.
Ralph gazes down at his smiling dad, with warmth in his heart so overwhelming that it’s painful.
“Can I take a picture of this?” he asks hoarsely, slipping his phone out of his pocket. “I don’t have too many photos of him.”
Julian nods, so Ralph snaps a clear, close-up photo of the polaroid. Then he carefully hands it back to Julian before it can get rained on, keeps his phone open to the picture instead.
Julian doesn’t put the picture away immediately, though. He gazes down at it silently, a raw, faraway expression glittering in his eyes.
Ralph drops his gaze to his own copy of the photo. He feels a small, answering smile come over his face at the sight of the smile on his dad’s.
Then he blinks hard and narrows his eyes, looking closer. Hard to say for sure, but… it looks like Ralph’s dad has the tip of his nose buried in Julian’s dark hair.
Ralph looks up sharply at Julian, who sees the change in his expression, glances down at the picture on the phone, and quickly drags his sleeve over his eyes. With extreme care, he puts the little polaroid back into his wallet. Ralph notices that his fingers are shaking as he does it.
“Well, I’m glad you’re doing good,” he tells Ralph, tucking his wallet away. “I always hoped so, but didn’t think I’d ever find out one way or another. Sure as hell didn’t expect you to come walking through the door of this bar. Guess I shouldn’t be surprised. Life has the – the strangest ways of bringing him back to me.”
Ralph stares hard at Julian, who clears his throat again.
“Are you going to ask me what happened?” he asks, so softly that the rain almost covers up his voice. “How we lost him?”
“No,” Ralph says immediately. “Don’t want to picture it.”
Julian closes his eyes, then shoots Ralph a grateful look, obviously relieved that he doesn’t have to recount that story.
“Well, you should just know that – he wasn’t alone,” Julian rasps, staring off into the rain. “It was hard as hell…” He gestures distractedly to the enormous burn and the scar on his forearm. “…but I got to him in time. So he wasn’t alone, he wasn’t – without someone who loved him.”
Ralph stares and stares at Julian, who suddenly pushes up off of the wall. Blinking very fast, not meeting Ralph’s eyes.
“I should give you these back.” He slips one set of the dog tags from his neck and pushes them into Ralph’s hand. “I shouldn’t have taken them in the first place, but I wasn’t in the right state of mind. Should – should probably give you this, too.”
He slips a worn silver ring off of his finger and hands it to Ralph. It’s… his dad’s wedding band.
“I took it off of Adam once, when we – had an argument,” Julian explains. “I just couldn’t see why he was still wearing it, after everything she put him through. When he and I made up I tried to give it back, but he told me to – hold onto it for him.”
Ralph stares at the wedding band, then looks at the finger Julian had been wearing it on, then slowly lifts his eyes to meet Julian’s.
Julian seems to see something in Ralph’s gaze. He blushes anxiously, then drops his head and runs a hand over his dark hair.
“Glad I finally got to meet you,” he says quietly, all in a rush, and starts to walk past Ralph.
Ralph straightens up quickly, then freezes as a hand closes around his wrist, holds it tightly. He looks down at the tattooed hand, then lifts his gaze to meet Julian’s.
Julian stares at him as if he’s looking beyond him, looking into a very similar pair of green eyes. His own dark eyes are glassy with tears.
“I’m so sorry,” he rasps softly. “Wish I could’ve kept him safe.”
Then he lets Ralph go and sets off striding for the parking lot, his head bent down against the rain.
Ralph stands there frozen, watching him go, then rushes after him.
“Julian! Wait a second, wait up!”
Julian stops and turns to face Ralph, who comes striding across the wet grass to stop before him. His eyebrows drop low in surprise and confusion as Ralph holds out the dog tags and the wedding band.
“I think you should keep these,” Ralph tells him, pushing them into his fingers.
Julian blinks at him through the rain, taken aback. “You sure?”
“Yeah, I – prefer to have something from when he was at home, anyways,” Ralph says, pointing to the leather bands around his wrist. “And I wanted to ask – are you at this bar pretty often?”
Julian’s dark eyes search his face uncertainly.
“For about half the year, yeah, when I’m in Greenrock. Spend the other half of the year up in Alaska, doing supply and medical flights for some hard-to-reach folks in the mountains. Why?”
Ralph hesitates nervously, twisting his fingers through the wristbands. “Father Leo said you’re a good poker player. I like to play, myself. Maybe I can come by sometime and see how we match up. Maybe you could tell me more about my dad. I’d – like to know more about you, too, since you guys were close. If that sounds good.”
Julian stares at Ralph, then breaks into a watery smile. “Yeah, that does sound good. Leo has my number. Anytime.”
Ralph nods, then manages, with great difficulty – “I’m glad I got to meet you. And I’m glad that you met him. That he was – with someone who loved him.”
Julian gazes at Ralph with an unreadable expression, then drops his eyes to the dog tags in his hand. He takes a sniffling breath, slips them back around his neck.
“Adam said you were a sweet kid,” he says, slipping the ring back onto his finger. “Still true, huh? Even after something like losing him. He’d – he’d be proud of you.”
Julian’s voice breaks a little on the last few words. He clears his throat, then gives Ralph a nod goodbye. Ralph automatically gives him one back, and he turns to set off for his car again.
Ralph watches him go, then turns his head sharply, drawn out of his reverie by the sight of Aiden striding down the hill towards him.
“God, there you are,” he says, his blue eyes wide with worry. “Everything okay? What happened?”
Ralph unconsciously starts to walk towards the bottom of the hill, where Aiden left the car. Aiden follows him, speeding up to walk at his side in the rain.
“Leo?” Ralph hears himself mumble.
“Don’t worry about that, I told him we might be taking off.” Aiden peers into Ralph’s face, trying to see around the damp strand of blonde falling into his eyes. “Are you alright? I’m sorry, man, I swear I had no idea there’d be someone here who actually knew him-”
“Don’t be sorry,” Ralph answers unsteadily, dropping into the passenger’s seat.
Aiden gets into the driver’s seat, but twists around in it to look at Ralph instead of starting the car. When Ralph won’t look at him he catches him by his shoulder and forces him to.
“Shit,” he breathes, when he sees the tears on Ralph’s cheeks and still welling up in his eyes. “What the fuck happened?”
“No, it wasn’t – wasn’t bad,” Ralph stammers, turning away again. “He knew my dad. Said a lot of good things about him.”
“Oh.” Aiden tilts his head to the side, his eyes searching Ralph’s face. “Okay…”
Ralph silently takes his phone from his pocket, opens it to the picture he took of the polaroid, and hands it to Aiden. Aiden takes it from him, gazes down at the picture. After a moment he lifts his eyes to Ralph with a bittersweet smile in them. Ralph widens his eyes meaningfully, nods down at the phone again.
Aiden takes a longer look at the picture, blinks hard, and zooms in closer. His eyebrows fly up, his fast-blinking eyes snapping up to meet Ralph’s.
Ralph tilts his head to the side in confirmation, and Aiden’s mouth drops open into a startled, delighted grin. But he quickly closes it again, biting his lip, looking searchingly at Ralph.
“I mean, I always wished he’d had the chance to be with someone better than my mom, someone who’d be good to him,” Ralph says, slumping back into the seat in disbelief. “Someone who really loved him, and it sounds like Julian would and maybe literally has crawled through fire for him, but this – this isn’t exactly what I pictured.”
“Who cares, though?” Aiden protests, holding up the phone. “Look how happy he is!”
“Yeah, I know, and that’s not all. Julian had my dad’s wedding band, A. He was wearing it.”
Ralph taps his ring finger, and Aiden’s eyes get very wide. His hand quickly goes up to his mouth, not quite fast enough to hide the smile. But he grows serious again quickly, gives Ralph’s arm a gentle nudge.
“Taking this okay?”
Ralph nods in silent confirmation, feeling sorely, burningly grateful to have Aiden here with him right now.
“Yeah, if anything I’m just glad he found-” Ralph breaks off, looking over at Aiden as he spreads a hand over the photo pulled up on his phone. “What are you doing, dude?”
“Dunno.” Aiden’s eyes fill with swirling, flickering white-blue light. “There might be some memories floating around the photo. I’m just gonna throw a little magic at it, see what happens.”
Ralph sits up in alarm. “Is that a good idea?”
Too late to discuss that question. A little cascade of golden light just spilled from Aiden’s palm and sank into the photo of the polaroid.
A voice rises up out of Ralph’s phone, like a voicemail just started playing. Ralph recognizes it right away. It’s Julian. He sounds younger, and worried.
“What’s the matter, Lanham? You were smiling so big a second ago, why are you freaking out all of a sudden?”
Ralph drags in a sharp, shuddering breath as his dad’s voice drifts up from the phone.
“Because I can’t believe that just happened,” he’s stammering, with audible tears in his voice. “We shouldn’t have… I’m married, Hilevich. My wife-”
“Your wife-?” Julian’s voice fills with blazing frustration. “Oh my god, Lanham, she didn’t even wait until you were deployed to start stepping out on you!”
A soft sniffling sound comes from the phone. “That doesn’t mean it’s okay for me to do it, too…”
“No, but it means that clearly in her book this relationship is over, and it should be! Why do you even still wear that fucking thing? Matter of fact – give me that, I’m taking it!”
“What-? No, give it back!”
“You’re leaving her, remember?”
“That doesn’t mean I’m just over it!”
“Why are you leaving her?”
“You know why, because I can’t have her treating Ralph the way she does!”
“Exactly, Lanham! It’s about him, because you’ll put up with anything she throws at you! You still love who she used to be, and you can’t see who she’s become, how bad she treats you now!”
“No, I know how bad things have gotten,” comes the stammering answer. “It’s just… when we got married, we promised to stick with each other through the good times and the hard parts, and I… I was trying to do that. I kept telling myself, this is the hard part. This is when I need to stick to that promise.”
“But she hasn’t stuck to that promise! And you know it, deep down, because you can see who she really is by how she treats Ralph! That kid is saving you right now by making you decide to leave her, and you don’t even realize it! You would see it if you would just give someone else the chance to try and make you happy!” Julian’s voice grows more earnest and breathless with each word he speaks. “She doesn’t love you, Adam! You should be with – with… someone who does.”
Silence falls for a moment before Ralph’s dad answers. He’s stammering again, his voice gone all raspy.
“So – you – what are you saying, Hilevich, you-?”
“Oh, god,” Julian murmurs, in a voice heavy with love. “You’re so goddamn blind, Lanham. How did they ever clear you to fly?”
Ralph looks over at Aiden, who starts pulling the golden light back from the phone and into his hand. It rises up through the ocean in the polaroid, and the voices fade away, replaced by the sound of distant waves.
“Aw, that’s a good one,” comes Julian’s voice, sounding bright and happy.
“Yeah, I’m glad you brought your polaroid.” Ralph’s dad sounds happy, too. “I left my camera for Ralph. I’m hoping he’ll take pictures of everything he’s doing while I’m not there.” His voice grows a little sad. “I hate that I’m missing so much.”
“I know, I’m sorry. At least you can catch up on everything when we get back.”
“Yeah. When we get back. Speaking of that, Julian… I was thinking about your plan. For us. What we talked about.”
There’s a pause before Julian answers. “Okay…?”
“And… I think – we should do it. I want to, if you still do.”
Julian lets out a sharp, staggered exhale.
“Really?” he breathes, sounding beside himself with blissful excitement. “Adam! You mean it?”
“Honestly, I wanted to say yes the minute you brought it up.” He sounds pretty radiantly happy, himself. “I just wanted time to think about it because – well, I’m worried that kids will pick on Ralph over it.”
“He’s gonna catch some of that no matter what. All the more reason to have two big Air Force boys to look out for him. And no one has to know who we don’t want to know. Nothing all that suspicious about two vets splitting the rent, is there? If anything I’m worried about – how Ralph will like me. What he’ll think about this. That’s the only part of the plan that scares me.”
“Oh, that won’t be a problem,” Ralph’s dad says confidently. “We can tell him. Trust me, I know him. He’s such a sweet kid. He’s got a good heart. He’ll understand.”
The voices fade away as Aiden draws the rest of the magic from the phone. He steals a look at Ralph, who’s sitting there perfectly motionless. He doesn’t even try to say anything to Aiden. It would be impossible to explain everything happening in his heart as the last trace of his dad’s happy voice winds down.
There’s a silence in the car, just the sound of the drizzling rain for a long moment.
“He’s hot,” Aiden says suddenly, startling Ralph into looking over at him. “Julian, I mean. I just feel like I should tell you that in case you’re too straight to realize it. Your dad had serious game, even though it sounds like he didn’t mean to.”
“Oh my god, don’t,” Ralph laughs weakly, rubbing his eyes. “Please. I’m begging you.”
A smile flickers across Aiden’s face when he sees Ralph laughing.
“So – do you feel better?” he asks. “On the whole?”
“Yeah,” Ralph murmurs raggedly, dragging his sleeve beneath his nose again. “I really do. A lot. So it’s like, why the fuck…?”
He tilts his head back helplessly, gesturing to the tears slipping down his face.
He blinks in surprise as Aiden puts an arm around his shoulders and gives him a tight squeeze. He feels familiar fingers in his hair, messing it up. Drawing him out of his thoughts and back into the present.
“Okay,” Aiden says firmly, releasing Ralph to turn on the car. “Here’s what’s happening. We’re gonna go get burgers and a stupid amount of french fries. We’re gonna pick up Noah. And then it’s Transformers time. We’re reverting to our thirteen-year-old selves for the rest of the night.”
“Twelve,” Ralph answers. “We met when I was twelve. I lied to you about my birthday.”
Aiden breathes out a laugh, pulling the car out onto the rain-slicked road. “Mmm, yeah, I don’t believe that.”
“But it’s true. Thought an older kid probably wouldn’t want a twelve-year-old following them around.”
Aiden blinks hard at the road, then closes his eyes for a second. “Ralph. What are you talking about?”
“I skipped eighth grade,” Ralph says, then shrugs his shoulders when Aiden stares at him incredulously. “Couldn’t let you start high school without me, right?”
“What…?” Aiden’s hands tighten on the wheel. “Are you serious? You did that, and that’s why?” He widens his eyes in disbelief when Ralph gives his shoulders another shrug. “But Noosh and I always said it made sense that you were the smartest, because you’re the oldest!”
“No, you’re the oldest. Noah’s in the middle, and I’m the youngest.”
“Are you f-? You’ve been lying about that this whole goddamn time?” Aiden gets his eyes back on the road, but they’re still open very wide. “And you decided you were skipping a grade after we met?”
Again, Ralph shrugs his shoulders. Aiden glances at him, sees the truth on his face, and looks out through the windshield in thunderstruck silence. A look of blistering frustration crosses his face, followed swiftly by a strange, warm, big-eyed expression that Ralph can’t quite understand. Then he screws up his face, turns it aside for a moment.
He reaches across the car and messes up Ralph’s hair again.
“Burgers are on me,” he says.
Ralph flashes him a grateful look, then sinks down in the passenger’s seat and turns his face out to the cold droplets of autumn rain fluttering in through the window. The glow of the streetlights slides across his face, and he closes his eyes.
Warm, inexpressible relief floods him with overwhelming intensity. Like knots tied up inside of his chest that he never even noticed just finally came loose, letting him breathe deeper than he could before. Tears are still drying on his cheeks, and he feels raw and exhausted, his head spinning with new information, but – Aiden was right.
Somehow, unbelievably, he feels better.
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