Golden Autumn - Part Seven
This episode is part of a larger story, Soft Touch. If you haven’t yet, you can go back and read it from the beginning right here.
The fire is a rich golden orange in color, with a deep red glow at the heart. Sparks scatter up now and then to snap brightly against the walls of the fireplace. The heat makes my face feel sunbaked, sitting so close by on the rug, but I can’t help it. It feels so good after the brutally cold hosing down we all took outside.
The sleeves of Raj’s Billabong sweatshirt come halfway down my palms, but I don’t mind my borrowed clothes being too big. What I do mind is that Aiden didn’t have to borrow anything, because he forgot some of his stuff here when we all changed into our boardshorts to go to the beach at some point this summer. Extremely unfortunate, in my opinion, since I was tragically deprived of getting to see him try to squeeze into Raj or Noah’s clothes.
Ripley, who’s seated across from me on the rug, bites back a fond laugh as Nikita uses two handfuls of his borrowed hoodie to slowly, determinedly stand up.
“You really want to start walking, don’t you?” he asks, gently holding Nik’s sides while she pants hard from the effort. “You got places to go, or something?”
“Mischief to get into, more likely,” Ralph snickers from the couch. “Raised by a Raunier.”
“Maybe let’s get the hang of standing, first.” Raj watches with adoring eyes as Nik balances precariously on her tiny feet, wobbling visibly, using Ripley to keep herself upright. “Noah says he’s excited for her to get walking, so he can teach her how to do a spin kick. Personally I wouldn’t mind watching her crawl around a little longer. Feels like she only just got it down… and I think a kid should be at least, like, two or three before they start spin-kicking fools, right? So we can teach her to only do it when it’s justified.”
“Right,” Calla agrees solemnly. “And she should really have her war howl down before she starts spin-kicking, anyways.”
“Do I have to teach her how to do that?” Raj asks, with obvious alarm.
“Nope,” Calla reassures him brightly. “Kids develop that all on their own.”
“Don’t worry, Raj,” Ripley laughs, catching Nik to slow down her fall as she collapses back down onto the rug. “I think the spin kick might be some time away yet. Right now it looks like she’s primarily focused on getting back to dad.”
Nik, who just tumbled onto her hands and knees again, eagerly crawls over to Raj. He picks her up and stamps a kiss onto her forehead, settling back into the armchair with her held against his chest. He takes a few deep, peaceful breaths, which I’m doing over by the fire, too. The air has the scent of woodsy flames, and the last traces of the hot, crispy food from Big Belly Deli that we all just devoured.
I’ve also got a hint of vetiver. But that’s mine alone, coming from my close proximity to Aiden. He’s in the armchair across from Raj, letting me lean back against his legs. He was laughing and talking with all the rest of us before, adding his warm bass voice to the noise, but - he’s gone pretty quiet since we all came into the house. Even by his standards.
Admittedly it’s been a much quieter night than it usually is when we all hang out. We’ve all had a pretty full day. The spraydown woke us all up, but everyone’s still exhausted.
It’s a nice kind of quiet. Cozy and peaceful, with the occasional burst of noise and excitement, like when I showed Noah a picture of a bluntnose sixgill shark. It’s not technically a deep sea dinosaur like he’d talked about during our camping trip, but pretty close. And he liked that their eyes glow fluorescent green, which I thought he might.
“Pretty sick,” he approved, when I finished listing off some bluntnose facts. “Wish I could weigh over two thousand pounds, that’d be dope. Roll into the houses of my enemies, smash ‘em right down. Except then my new car probably couldn’t carry me, that’d be a problem…”
“It can’t carry you right now,” Ripley pointed out, trying not to laugh. “So don’t let that stop you.”
The car has been left in the garage, the floor of which Calla thoroughly sprayed down after we sprinted inside. With the last evidence of the grime washed away, the old car did look much better. And Noah gave it one final touch before we left it for the night.
“You’re into Zeppelin, and I respect it,” he told the car, placing his bluetooth speakers on the dash. “But this is the kind of beat you gotta get used to. We’ll just let you listen for a while, so you can adjust, ‘n all that.”
He turned on a dance song with a pounding bass beat, then closed the car up with the speaker inside and gently patted the roof. I caught Aiden and Ralph exchanging an affectionate grin behind him at that.
But Aiden keeps getting all quiet and serious again, as soon as the attention is off of him. The damp, glossy chestnut hair falling over his blue eyes doesn’t quite hide the distant expression in them. He’s simultaneously turned inward, and gazing intently at all of us. Like he’s breathing everything in, drawing it all straight into his thoughts. Whenever someone looks at him or asks him something he surfaces to smile and answer, but as soon as everyone is looking away he sinks back in deeply again.
I’m trying not to draw attention to it, but now and then I find my eyes lovingly resting on him. Taking in that familiar knit of worry between his eyebrows, the tangerine glow of the fire against the tropical blue of his eyes, the long finger resting against his beard. The fingers of his other hand are softly wound into my hair, one thumb very slowly stroking a red strand over and over again. Pulling on it just a little.
Feels so nice that I keep slowly closing my eyes, like Luna when I scratch behind her ears. Melting back against his legs.
Aiden doesn’t seem to mind at all. The few times I’ve tried to get up or move away he’s stopped me, gently catching me by my wrist or my shoulder. I don’t think he’s even aware he’s doing it, deep in his thoughts as he is. He doesn’t even look up or say anything when it happens. It’s something automatic.
For whatever reason he needs to keep hold of me right now, so I’ve stopped trying to go anywhere.
I steal a quick glance up at him. He’s watching everyone, letting the conversation flow on around him. His blue eyes are slowly traveling over the room.
Calla and Ralph are squaring off in the video game on the TV, snuggled up cozily together on the couch as their characters try to brutally murder each other with swords. Aiden watches them for a moment, then lets his gaze drift over to Raj, who’s listening to something Ripley is saying, trying not to laugh as he gently places Nikita on the soft rug. She starts crawling right for Tycho, her wispy hair still standing up in that adorable little peak.
Aiden’s gaze travels to Ripley, lingers on his laughing green eyes, then flits to the kitchen.
Mel and Noah are in there, arguing and teasing each other with obvious affection as they clean up all the stray food packaging. Noah’s grey eyes glow intimately to Mel, admiring her like she’s a beam of sunlight breaking through the clouds.
Aiden blinks back into the moment as Nik comes crawling over to us. Breathing hard from the effort, she catches a handful of Aiden’s jeans and starts trying to pull herself up onto her little feet again.
“Hey, you,” Aiden laughs softly, reaching down to steady her. His hand looks even bigger supporting her tiny body. “God, how can you be standing up already? Here - I’ve got you. You can do it.”
“Yeah, you can,” Raj calls, smiling tiredly from where he’s curled up in the armchair. “Just get some help from your Uncle Aiden.”
Aiden looks up at Raj, then down at Nik again as she grasps his huge hand with both of her tiny ones. I spread a hand behind her back just in case, but she manages to get up on her feet without toppling over. She lifts her head, panting, to beam up at Aiden.
“Nice one,” he tells her, around a deep huff of laughter. “Soon enough you’ll be ready for pee wee soccer, huh? Or - for your baby black belt, I guess, given you’re Noah’s kid.”
She giggles as he gently cuffs her chin, then yawns deeply and leans her little head against his leg, hugging it to stay upright.
Raj stands up and rolls out his neck, then gathers Nik up off of the floor. She laughs and seizes a handful of his shirt as he playfully tosses her into his arms.
“Anyone want anything from the kitchen?” Raj stops beside the armchair, his dark brown eyes lingering on Aiden’s face. “Aiden? You’re a little quiet. All good, man?”
Aiden sits back, giving him a quick nod. “Yeah, just - glad we got to do this, since we were gone for a while on our camping trip.”
Raj smiles warmly, gives Aiden’s shoulder a slap as he goes by. “Amen, brother. Good to get some family time.”
Aiden stares silently after Raj, then turns his head and gazes into the fire. The conversation in the living room keeps going, but he doesn’t rejoin it.
After a moment he gently eases me off of his knees and gets up. I take the armchair in his place, turn to catch up with what the others are talking about, then look sharply at the kitchen as something catches my eye.
I thought Aiden was going to the kitchen, but he wasn’t. He just quietly let himself out through the back door.
I hesitate for a second, fidgeting with my malachite necklace, then set my beer aside and get up.
The stars outside are sprinkled brightly across a deep navy sky, glittering above the backyard. The ground is blanketed with a layer of amber and orange leaves, and that glitters, too, covered in a dusting of evening frost.
Aiden is leaning back against the wall, his breath puffing on the cold autumn air. To my surprise he has Ralph’s pack of cigarettes in his hand. He’s rolling a lighter between his fingers, like he’s trying to decide whether or not to light one.
“Hey, you,” I call softly, crossing to him. He startles and looks up at me, pulled out of his thoughts. “I haven’t seen you have a cigarette since the wedding. Isn’t it a special occasions thing for you?”
“Yeah.” He lets out a deep sigh and stuffs the pack back into his pocket, then swipes a chestnut strand out of his face. “Guess a special level of stress doesn’t count.”
I stop before him in surprise, then gently spread one hand on his chest.
“Aw, babe,” I murmur softly, sympathetically, cradling his bearded cheek in my fingers.
Suddenly the calm has slipped. I can see all the anxiety right there in his eyes.
He still hasn’t said a word about what his intentions were tonight. But he must know I’ve figured it out, because without explanation, he abruptly asks -
“Will you think less of me if I back out? If I don’t do it tonight? Be honest, you can tell me…”
I lean up and press my forehead to his, then shake my head no. I open my mouth to say something, but I’m cut off as Aiden suddenly catches hold of me and presses me back against the wall of the house, kissing me deeply. I kiss him back without thinking, wrapping my arms around his neck, melting against the heat of his body.
“I love you,” he growls angrily into my mouth, “But you’ve put me in the way of problems I never thought I’d have to deal with!”
“Like - what?” I gasp, struggling to catch my breath as his hand slips beneath my sweatshirt and his kisses start to travel up my neck.
“Like telling our whole family about what I am! I was all alone before I was with you, didn’t have to tell anyone! And hearing myself say that out loud, I realize it sounds - doesn’t sound - but you know what I mean!”
“Okay, why are we trying to talk about this and make out at the same time?” I pant, slipping my hands up the back of his sweater even as I say it, tilting my head more to the side so he can kiss more of my neck. “Seems - way more difficult this way-”
“Yeah, well, making out with you makes me feel good, works way better than the cigarette would have, and I’m altogether too goddamn stressed out right now!”
“Aw, babe-” I break off to kiss him back as his lips brush mine, but then put my hands on his chest and push him away so I can look up into his eyes. “Okay, listen to me, Sugar Maple - you can do this. You can tell them. I know it’s a really big deal, a huge deal-”
Aiden makes a pained sound, grasping a fistful of his hair.
“I thought you were going to say it’s not a big deal!” He gestures violently at the stars above us. “As a scientist aren't you gonna tell me all this is nothing, that human beings and everything we do is insignificant in the grand scheme of all the cosmos, or whatever?”
I frown deeply at him.
“No! And I hate that argument, especially from scientists! As a scientist I'd tell you we're very significant, extremely significant! We’re part of the cosmos, not something separate! We’re the living, breathing, writing, painting, talking, touching, speaking, feeling, loving part of it, along with countless other things, and if that’s not significant on its own-”
I stop abruptly, realizing that Aiden is smiling down at me, the worried frown gone from his face.
“What?” I ask irritably.
“Nothing.” He shrugs his broad shoulders, then quickly messes up my hair with his fingers. “Cute. When you yell.”
“I’m not yelling,” I inform him, dropping my volume considerably. “And we’re getting wildly off-topic. I was saying that I know you have it in you to tell the others the truth, but that doesn’t mean it has to be tonight. Not if you don’t want to yet.”
“I do want to, though.” Aiden’s blue eyes darken with frustration. “Especially ‘cause I don’t want you and Noah to have to keep avoiding questions. I keep asking myself, what am I waiting for? The answer is nothing. S’just the way I was brought up, everything my mom drilled into my head about telling people… I know it’s been a long time, and I’ve got all this evidence to contradict everything she said, but like - I wish it was that easy to just get past the things that your parents-”
“No, I get it,” I interrupt gently, reaching up to touch his beard again. “Really, I do.”
“You know how serious it was that I even told you, Jamie. My mom only ever told my dad, and you know how that went. That’s definitely knocking around in my head, how it all went down in my family… but this…” Aiden gestures to the house behind us, with all the warm light pouring out through the windows. “This feels so different from that. Nothing like that.”
I silently agree with him, answering with my eyes. Aiden gazes into them, then breathes out a deep huff of laughter.
“Yeah, and that helps, too. You think I should tell them. That it’s the right choice.” He gently pinches my cheek. “That goes a long way with me.”
“Oh, god, no pressure on me or anything!” I nervously twist the heist ring around my finger, then add - “I’m saying I think they’ll take it okay. I feel like people who live around magic, they - they just have an inkling already, even if they don’t realize it. Like Nolan.”
Aiden takes a second to turn that over in his mind.
“I think Ripley noticed I got up early at the hospital when Nik was born,” his deep voice murmurs softly. “Raj has seen us run off for a rescue. And I did glow just a little, the first time that Mellie and I - nevermind.”
I bite back a laugh, then take two handfuls of his sweater, gazing up at him earnestly. “If they’ve noticed something is different about you, that means they’ve already decided they don’t care. That doesn’t change the fact that the timing is up to you, though. And what you think is what’s most-”
Aiden catches my chin, gently but firmly tilts my face up to his. “But you think that I should tell them, don’t you?”
He reads the truth from my eyes, then looks down as his phone and mine start buzzing at the same time. Aiden slips his from his pocket. I lean in to see what’s going on as he opens up his texts.
Ralph just sent two photos to the group chat. The shot of all the boys gathered up in front of the car, leaning in together and laughing as our balance was thrown off by Aiden grabbing us. And the picture of Melanie and Calla standing in the open doorway of the garage with Nik and Tycho, lit up with laughter at the sight of us.
They’re both great pictures. Ralph really has a way with his camera. He managed to capture all the warmth between everyone, somehow.
Aiden smiles to himself, scrolling back and forth between the two pictures.
“Feels like the answer is coming out to meet me,” he says softly.
I smile adoringly at him, then add gently - “Well, whatever you decide to do, whatever happens - I’m right here. Just remember that.”
Aiden kisses the top of my head, gazes down at the pictures again, then looks up quickly as Raj steps outside with Nik in his arms.
“Hey, boys,” he says softly, stroking Nik’s dark curls. “Think it might be time for this one to say goodnight. Long past time, actually.”
“Noooo!” Aiden and I both protest immediately, to a quiet laugh from Raj.
“I know, she’s so damn cute.” He lets out an agonized sound, gazing down at her sleepy little face. “Always feels like a shame to put her away, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah, except now we can light this!” Noah announces, coming outside with a newly-rolled joint in his hand. He holds it up triumphantly, then takes it back in alarm when Nik immediately reaches for it. “Jesus, princesse! This is why we wait ‘til you’re in bed, you learn too fast! I’ll teach you to roll your own jays when you’re old enough!”
“I’m so glad this is the conversation we walked in on,” Ripley laughs, slipping outside to join us with Ralph in his wake. “Did the party move outside? Kind of cold for that, no?”
“Nothing will feel cold to me ever again, after that experience with the hose,” Ralph says, with such somber grimness in his voice that a ripple of laughter goes up from all of us.
Nik giggles, too, this time much more drowsily. She rests her cheek against Raj’s chest as Mel and Calla come out to join us.
“Aw, bedtime,” Mel observes, leaning down to kiss her nose. “I’m sorry, baby, but you can’t stay up with us all night.”
Nik’s expression reassembles into that classic scowl that always makes us all laugh. It doesn’t fail to this time, either.
“Aw, she doesn’t want to go to bed yet,” Ripley protests. “Let her chill for a while!”
Raj winces, glancing at Noah. “She’s gotta go to bed, but we can’t let her go to bed frowning. That’s against our fatherhood principles.”
“I might have something for that,” Aiden jumps in suddenly.
“Oooh, what is it, Nik?” Raj turns her around in his arms to face Aiden. And then, as Aiden holds up an empty hand - “A magic trick, maybe?”
Aiden swallows, steals a swift glance at me, then nods. “Yeah. That.”
Everyone clusters around as Aiden holds out a closed fist to Nikita. She takes it curiously, then turns it over so she can try to pry his fingers open.
He lets her do it. His fingers unfold to reveal - a single, shining butterfly, formed entirely of golden light.
It flutters up from his palm, pouring off sparkles like fairy dust, and gently kisses Nik’s cheek. She giggles immediately, then watches with smiling, wide-eyed fascination as the butterfly wings its way in a pretty little swoop, hovers suspended in the air for a few seconds, and vanishes like a sparkler going out.
Nik’s amazed expression is absolutely adorable. She laughs happily, the only sound to break the sudden, complete silence that’s fallen over the group.
But it’s not Nik’s reaction I’m concerned with.
I bite my lip, then turn slowly to look at Raj, Ripley, and Mel.
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