Flowering - Part Fifteen
This episode is part of a larger story, Soft Touch. If you haven’t yet, you can go back and read it from the beginning right here.
I stand very still in the kitchen, stunned at what I just heard Ralph say.
Aiden and I told Ralph that he needed time on his own. But he’s taken that time, and now he just said to Aiden - out loud - that he thinks he could make someone happy, could take care of them, love them.
Aiden must be staggered, too, because silence falls outside after Ralph says it. For a moment or two, the only noise is the soft sound of the rain.
“All that shit I did,” Ralph says, slowly but suddenly, in a pained, scraping voice, “It didn’t even do anything. It did the opposite of what I… it was pointless. I fucked everything up, fucked other people up, did shit I can never take back, shit I’ll regret for the rest of my life, and it was all completely pointless.”
I stand there, holding my cup of coffee tightly, staggered all over again by what I’m hearing - then quickly set off for the kitchen door. I thought that Aiden and Ralph had heard me come into the kitchen, but I really don’t think Ralph would have said that if he realized that I was listening, too.
I have a feeling that he’s only able to make himself talk to Aiden about this because Aiden has been through his own form of it, before.
I’m not trying to eavesdrop, so I step out into the garden to join them, and to let them know that I’m here.
They’re standing side by side, pressed up against the wall of our house. Keeping out of the rain, although the wind has spangled both of them with droplets. They both turn in surprise when they hear me coming. I hand Aiden his snapback, which he takes and settles down over his wind-tousled chestnut hair, casting me an affectionate thank-you smile.
“You could try just being nice to people, Ralph,” I tell him, leaning my shoulder against Aiden’s chest, stealing some of his warmth. “It doesn’t always work out, but at least it’s never pointless.”
Ralph makes an irritated face at me, but something tells me that he doesn’t really mean it. He drops his gaze to his coffee, lapses into silence.
“I’m gonna get some more,” Aiden rumbles, holding up his mug. “Ralph, you too?”
Ralph pulls himself back to the present with a shake of his head.
“Yeah, okay.” He hands his near-empty mug to Aiden. And then, like he just remembered - “Thanks.”
Aiden catches my eye as he turns to go inside.
Thanks? he mouths at me, and I covertly widen my eyes at him in disbelief before he slips past me and into the kitchen.
I step closer to Ralph, so that the rain isn’t dusting my shoulder. He glances over at me, and I hastily get my eyes off of him. I know that I’m staring a little. It’s just that he’s so different this morning, I almost don’t know what to make of it. What the hell happened last night, when Calla slept at his place?
Whatever it was, I’m glad it happened.
I’m wondering if I could get away with asking him a question about what he said. I wouldn’t dare normally, but - with the new Ralph, I don’t know. Maybe it would be okay.
“You know,” I venture slowly, cupping my coffee for warmth, “When Aiden said that you could try to make things right with the people you’ve hurt, you sounded…”
I trail off, but Ralph knows what I was going to say. You sounded like you wanted to.
Ralph bites the inside of his cheek. He stares straight ahead at the tangled, rain-soaked mass of greenery before him. Avoiding my eyes.
I can’t help myself, so I just keep talking.
“You have plenty of time, man,” I tell him earnestly. “You’re twenty-seven, you could take as long as you need to get yourself-”
“We’re the same age, Jamie.”
“Oh.” I glance over at Ralph, thrown off. “You’re twenty-six? You were in the grade above me, at school. Late birthday?”
“No. I skipped eighth grade.” Ralph raises a questioning eyebrow when he sees the startled look on my face. “What?”
“Nothing. I’m just - surprised.”
Ralph leans back against the wall of the house. “You don’t need good grades to do it, in Ketterbridge. You just have to pass a test.”
“And you signed up to take it? Never really seemed like school was anything you cared about.”
“Nah, it wasn’t about…” Ralph shrugs, picking at his wristbands. “Aiden was going into ninth.”
It takes me a second to figure out what he means, but I get there. The high school campus and the middle school campus are separate. Ralph and Aiden would’ve been split up during school hours, if Ralph hadn’t taken the test to skip to the next grade level.
I stare at Ralph, an unexpected burst of warmth spreading through my heart. I can’t believe he did all that. Figured out a way to keep himself and Aiden together, studied for the test, passed it, went right into ninth grade… all because he didn’t want to give up that time with Aiden.
And - wait a minute. Aiden told me that he and Ralph met right before high school, when they were both thirteen, about to turn fourteen. But it sounds like they actually met when Aiden was thirteen, and Ralph was twelve. Aiden doesn’t know that, which means -
“Did you not tell Aiden that you did that?” I ask Ralph, incredulous. “Tested out of eighth so you two could stick together?”
He folds his arms over his chest, grey-green eyes hard as steel again. “No. Why should I?”
I stare at Ralph, dumbfounded. I just don’t get it. The people he cares about mean a lot to him, and he does things that reveal how deep his feelings go - but he’s always doing it in secret. Hiding it from them, never letting them find out.
Ralph really isn’t good at letting his feelings show. Even when the feeling is something warm, something sweet.
I guess it’s a way of protecting his pride. Acting like he doesn’t care makes it seem like he’s unhurt when things go wrong. I knew that Noah was hurting when he and Ralph had their blowout fight that ended everything between them. It didn’t even occur to me that Ralph might actually be hurting about it, too. He made it seem like he only wanted Noah back so he could flex how much control he had over him, and get Noah to help with the business again. And I didn’t question that for a second. None of us did, not even Noah.
Least of all Noah.
And now I can see so clearly how wrong we were, about that. Now that Ralph is finally letting me.
“Have you…” I begin slowly, then let out my question all in a rush. “Have you ever thought about telling Noah the truth? About the whole thing with the Corvette?”
Ralph’s eyes blink over to me, startled. He stares hard at me, then quickly turns his face away, looks out at the rainy garden again.
“Nah, man,” he says quietly, after a moment. “He’s not gonna want to hear it. And I don’t blame him.”
I catch the thread of deep sadness in Ralph’s voice, even though he tried not to let me.
I hesitate, trying to decide what to say. I don’t know what Noah wants, when it comes to Ralph. Not for sure. This is the one thing he won’t talk to me about. That particular wound hurts him too badly for me to press on.
“Well,” I answer slowly, choosing my words carefully, “I mean - you’re really different now, dude. Things have changed, now that you wouldn’t do the same things to Noah again.”
Ralph nibbles his lip, stays silent.
“You can always start over with new people, too,” I remind him. “Find yourself someone to treat right, like Aiden said. Or - you can try to do both. Fix up what’s broken, and build something new.”
Ralph doesn’t answer me, but he’s not ignoring me, either. He’s thinking.
I see something move in his eyes, some brightness he can only half-hide. I could swear he almost looks - hopeful.
“Hey.” Aiden leans outside, careful to keep his painted snapback out of the rain. “Sorry the coffee is taking so long. Had to make a new pot.”
Ralph straightens up, blinking away the thoughts clouding his eyes. “Where’s Calla? I need to ask her something.”
“She went out front,” I tell him. “She said she wanted to check on her car.”
“She-?” Ralph freezes, his eyes widening in alarm. “What?”
I draw back, confused. “Is something-?”
Ralph flashes past me so fast that he’s all the way in the kitchen before I even realize that he took a step. I exchange a baffled, concerned glance with Aiden, then rush inside and drop my coffee on the countertop.
I have no idea what’s going on, but I race after Ralph as he tears across the living room, then out through the front door. Aiden is right behind me, and we all sprint together through the green tunnel.
Ralph bursts out onto the rain-slick street ahead of us, then stops short. He stares at something, out of breath, with an expression like he doesn’t believe what he’s seeing. Then he tips his head back and closes his eyes, his shoulders sinking with dismay.
Aiden and I reach him, and understand instantly.
There are only two cars parked on the street. Mine and Ralph’s. Calla’s is gone.
“Oh,” I say softly.
Ralph opens his eyes, and I freeze when I see the absolutely crestfallen expression in them.
I cast my gaze around, hoping for some sign that Calla didn’t get that far yet - then step forward in the fluttering rain, realizing that there’s a note tucked under my windshield wiper. I work it free, then unfold it. Ralph and Aiden cluster behind me to read over my shoulder.
Thanks again for your help. Let me know if I can return the favor.
That’s it. She’s gone.
My mind goes back to the conversation that Calla and I had upstairs. How quiet she got afterwards. I think she probably took off because she needed time to think, but when I look up to say that to Ralph, he’s already done reading the note. He’s already turned away, paced to the other side of my car. Put his back to me and Aiden, presumably to hide his expression from us.
“Ralph,” I begin, and he turns around. Puts his palms on the hood of my car, sinks his weight into them, drops his head.
“Why didn’t you stop her?” he asks quietly, in a rough voice.
“What-?” My cheeks instantly begin to burn with indignation. “I didn’t fucking know that she was gonna - this is not how normal people make entrances and exits, you know! You’re always just appearing places and she’s always disappearing from places, but most people-”
“She’s not most people!” Ralph lifts his head, his grey-green eyes suddenly blazing. “Can’t you see that? She’s something special, she’s-”
He cuts himself off sharply, winces, and pushes a hand through his blonde hair. Drops his head again.
“I’m not - I’m not yelling at you, it’s not your fuckin’ fault. I’m sorry. I just…” He takes a deep breath, then looks up at us, his grey-green eyes dark and stormy and heartbroken. “What we talked about, finding myself someone to treat right, I - I had someone in mind.”
I look up at Aiden, who looks down at me, just as wide-eyed as I am. Neither of us speaks for a moment. We’re not used to seeing Ralph like this. I’m tipped off my axis by it, and I can tell that Aiden is, too.
“Well - Calla texted you, right?” I point out, turning back to Ralph. “You have her number, you could call her.”
Ralph shakes his head and straightens up, his eyes swimming with frustration.
“That’s not why she gave it to me, man.” He slips his phone out of his pocket, unlocks it, and holds it out across the hood of my car to show me and Aiden his texts. The one from Calla is near the top, with her plate number and where she parked. “That’s why she gave it to me. To get her car back. I’m not gonna abuse it. She would have said something, if she wanted me to use it for more than that.”
A few seconds of stunned silence pass by.
“Holy shit,” Aiden murmurs beneath his breath, so quietly that I’m the only one who catches his dazed words.
Seriously, I think to myself, staring wide-eyed at Ralph. Who even are you?
The old Ralph would’ve abused it. He would have done it in a heartbeat. Not the new Ralph, apparently. This Ralph is staring at his phone like he’s fighting an all-out war trying to stop himself. His thumb hovers over his text with Calla, and he looks up at the road, in the direction of Port Sitka.
“Ugh,” he groans softly, struggling hard. “What a dime, though… and I thought - I really thought that she and I...”
He trails off, closes his eyes for a second. Then he opens them and deletes the text from Calla, so fast that I only realize what he’s done when it disappears. He stuffs his phone back into his pocket, lets out a heavy breath, and runs a hand over his face. Temptation removed, the only way he had to contact Calla gone.
Aiden bites his lip, blue eyes lingering on the pained expression in Ralph’s eyes.
“We have her number,” he reminds him. “We can ask her if it would be cool if you…”
He fades off, because Ralph is already shaking his head no.
“She would have said something,” he murmurs again, quieter this time. “It’s fine. If she wants to go, I - I can let her go.”
I stare at Ralph, just stare and stare at him in thunderstruck silence. Aiden does the same, right up until Ralph looks up at us again, and we have to hastily drag our eyes away.
I don’t think anyone could blame us, though.
Of all the things that have changed about Ralph, this might be the biggest one of all.
~~~~
I’m still thinking about everything that’s happened with Ralph long after he goes home.
Aiden and I invited him to stay and eat a very late breakfast, but he shook his head and silently slipped off to his car. He’s starting to let his feelings show more, but I know that it’s not easy for him. He can barely even look us in the eye when he does it. You’d think there was blinding rain flying at his face.
I don’t think he could handle us knowing any more about how he was feeling. Not when he was feeling like that.
My heart is hurting for him, in spite of everything. I can’t take my mind off of the look on his face when he realized that Calla was gone.
So I’m doing what I always do to balance myself out. Tending to plants. The potted white kalanchoe from Aiden’s place is out on the kitchen countertop, and I’m using my secateurs to gently snip off the fading flowers. Aiden is leaning back against the other kitchen counter, his hands around a cup of tea, his ocean eyes watching me.
But not really watching. He’s deep in thought, too, or - something. I’m not sure. He’s been very quiet ever since Ralph left.
Aiden suddenly winces deeply, and I set down my secateurs, blinking, drawn out of my reverie.
“Hey, are you alright?” I pull off my gloves, then hurry over to take Aiden’s stubbled face in my hands, concerned. “Is someone in trouble?”
“No, it’s not that.” Aiden gives his head a hard shake, like he’s trying to clear water from his ears, then sets his tea aside. “Ugh, though, this is - this is too much.”
“What is?”
“Just-” Aiden tosses his chestnut hair out of his eyes, blows out an unhappy breath. “You know your note is the only one I can really pick out. But we’ve rescued Ralph before, and found him through his note another time, and he was just over here, so-”
I jerk my head back in surprise. “You’re listening to him?”
“Yeah, but I think I can only hear him because he’s feeling a lot. It’s - hard to listen to.” Aiden looks down at me, winces again. “He sounds-”
“Oh, no.”
“Crushed.” Aiden breathes out a heavy exhale, blue eyes swimming with sympathetic pain. “He’s fucking crushed.”
I could tell from the look on Ralph’s face, his voice, everything - but I didn’t know it was so bad that Aiden could hear it. Ralph must really have feelings for Calla. Serious feelings.
“Wow,” I say quietly. “And he let her go anyways, huh?”
“Ralph,” Aiden says, half in disbelief.
We both fall quiet, trying to wrap our heads around it. Luna winds around our feet, and I sense an opportunity to cheer Aiden up. I bend down and pick her up, hand her to Aiden. He huffs out a soft laugh as she cozies up into his arms.
“Thanks, Keane,” he rumbles, scratching her furry grey ears. “Feel better already.”
I smile at him. “The power of Luna.”
Aiden doesn’t answer. His eyebrows are knitted, and he’s suddenly staring over the top of my head, unseeing.
“Actually…” He tips his head to the side, listening. “Ralph sounds better, all of a sudden. Way better - what the f-?”
The pained expression falls from Aiden’s face. He arches an eyebrow, listens for a moment, then looks down at me.
“He’s fucking ecstatic,” Aiden tells me, taken aback. “Jesus, he just did a one-eighty. Flew all the way to the other end of the spectrum. He’s singing.”
I stare at Aiden, battling down the urge - then give in and slip my phone from my pocket. I have Ralph’s number from the heist, so I save it to my contacts, then send him a text. Aiden watches me type it out and send it.
Me 5:15 PM: Heard anything from her?
I go to set my phone down, pretty much certain that Ralph won’t text me back - then stop as my phone buzzes.
Ralph 🌙 5:16 PM: (Attachment - Image)
I open it up. Aiden and I stare down at a photo of a slip of paper between Ralph’s fingers. It’s got a date, a time, and what looks like the name of a bar. All in handwriting to match the note left on my car.
Ralph 🌙 5:16 PM: Nice of her to give me two days to calm down
Aiden and I both laugh, then look at each other, amazed. Before either of us can say anything, my phone buzzes again.
Noah ⚡ 5:16 PM: Yoooooooooo when are we doing our first inaugural night of Games & Ganj at your new digs bro? I’m free tomorrow night, if you’re up for it
Noah ⚡ 5:16 PM: I need to escape to your place tbh, Raj needed my help with Nik last night while I was in my room with Mel and I ran downstairs in my boxers without realizing that they were on backwards and I can’t look at him until the embarrassment rolls back a little
Noah ⚡ 5:16 PM: Or until he stops laughing, we’ll see which one of those comes first
“Oh, my god,” I groan, as Aiden bursts out laughing. “Sound okay with you, Sugar Maple?”
“Sure. I’ve got my sobriety phone call tomorrow night, anyways. I’ll just do it in our bedroom.”
“Well, you and I are going to be up to very different things,” I mutter as I text Noah back, and Aiden huffs out another laugh.
But this actually works out perfectly. I’ve been missing my time with Noah.
And there’s something I want to talk to him about.
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