Blaze - Part Two
This episode is part of a larger story, Soft Touch. If you haven’t yet, you can go back and read it from the beginning right here.
The ride to the beach in the back of Raj’s pickup is one long, big breath of fresh air.
The night sky is thrown open overhead. A cold breeze is rushing over us, pushing through everyone’s hair, but we’re all nestled together beneath the blankets that Melanie brought, cozy and warm. Music is flowing out through the open windows up front.
By the time we get to the beach, I’m still cross-faded, but I feel much more awake. I’m feeling every deep breath of salty air to touch my lungs. There’s a new clarity to my vision, and to my thoughts.
So my breath is almost stolen from me when I lay eyes on the moonlit beach.
People don’t tend to come to this beach all that often. It’s a little bit of a drive from Ketterbridge. The rocky coast juts out to form it. It gets hit hard by any storms to pass through, and the water is rarely calm enough to swim in. The waves here are usually big enough to break with a sound like thunder. It’s all too easy for the current to toss any swimmers into the rough fringe of black boulders.
But we came here on a good night.
The ocean is never flat at this beach, but maybe this is as close as it can get. The softest and gentlest ripples stir the surface of the water, so that it constantly glitters beneath the starlight. A distant, smoky white mist hangs low over the sea at the horizon line. Nearer to the sand, the water is clear as glass. I can see right down to the soft white sand in the shallows. The peaceful waves are crystallized at their peaks with sparkling, foamy bubbles.
The boundless black sky overhead is rich with stars, trailed here and there with puffy clouds.
“Wow,” Melanie sighs appreciatively, to a soft murmur of agreement from all of us.
Raj looks the happiest out of everyone. I get the sense that he’s on the verge of laughing, or maybe crying, or both. His huge, dark eyes are roving over the beach, taking everything in. He’s staring at it like this place is heavy with riches none of the rest of us can see.
We’ve all been staring out at the sky and the water, but Raj, I’m realizing, is looking at the sand.
“Do you guys see that?” he asks suddenly, pointing to something.
Even with the beach unusually tranquil, the sand is scattered with wreckage from past storms. Raj has his eyes on what looks like a heap of glinting white shards.
Ripley squints at it, struggling to get his eyes to focus. “What is it?”
“Raj, wait,” Noah begins, reaching for his arm. “First let’s set up all the-”
He breaks off, because Raj is already rushing off down the beach towards whatever it is he’s looking at. We all exchange a baffled glance, except for Noah and Mel. They both stare at Raj with smiling, lovestruck eyes. Noah folds an arm around Mel’s shoulders, watching Raj with dimples at the corners of his mouth, and Mel lets out a soft little laugh.
“Let him go,” she giggles. “You know we won’t be able to stop him, anyways.”
Noah smiles warmly, gives her braid a gentle tug, then turns back to the truck.
“It’s porcelain!” Raj shouts excitedly, crouching over the little heap. “A shattered piece of china - a bowl or plate, I think! There’s a design on it! All broken into pieces, worn down like sea glass!”
“Are we here to do a trash clean-up of the beach?” I call back in confusion, and Raj whips upright, looking deeply offended.
“Trash, what? Jamie!” But he’s so excited that he’s already seemed to have forgotten I said anything. He’s happily gathering the pieces into a pile. “Does anyone have a bag I can put these in?”
I turn to Noah and Mel, bewildered, but they’re both behaving like this is perfectly normal. Noah is already unloading things from the truck, handing them down to Ripley and Ralph.
“Alright, whatever,” I laugh hazily, then do a double-take at Aiden. “Hey, where are you going?”
“Gonna grab my backpack from the front of the truck. I actually do have a spare archival pouch in there that Raj can put that stuff in.”
I follow Aiden around the pickup, letting out a laugh of disbelief. “You carry one around with you, archivist?”
Aiden smiles at me over his shoulder.
“Never know when you’re gonna find something precious,” he says, and taps my nose with his fingertip.
I stop where I am, blushing deeply, then spin on my heel and rush back to help unload the truck. I can already barely keep my hands off of Aiden as it is.
Noah is handing out stuff for each of us to carry. Bottles of mustard and hot sauce, bags of hot dog buns, weed, blankets, a bag of charcoal. He hands me a big thermos and a few portable lanterns, then stops, looking at Raj.
The salty breeze pulls a few strands of Noah’s long hair free from his bun as he watches Raj, who’s still busy gathering up the broken porcelain. Even from here, I can see that Raj is being infinitely careful with every piece, despite being very drunk.
Aiden comes around the side of the truck, archival pouch in hand. “I’m gonna go run this to Raj. Be right back.”
“No, I - I’ll do it,” Noah says suddenly, hopping down from the truck. “I got it.”
He snatches the pouch from Aiden before anyone can say anything, then goes bounding down the beach towards Raj. Raj looks up just in time to throw his arms wide open before Noah eagerly sort of hug-tackles him, knocking him flat onto the sand. The whole thing is exceptionally ungraceful, with both of them drunk. Raj’s leg flies up wildly as his feet are knocked out from under him, and he tries to grab onto empty air as they fall.
Melanie laughs so hard that she has to lean against the truck for support, looking helpless with love. Aiden, shaking with silent laughter, takes everything she’s holding from her. Mel instantly rushes off to join her husbands, then flings herself down on top of them. Noah had been starting to sit up, and Raj was starting to get up, too, but Mel’s arrival instantly flattens them again, to a loud startled shout from both of them.
From the three newlyweds, and from those of us watching from the truck, a burst of laughter rises into the night sky and floats out over the sparkling water.
The first of many to come.
~~~~
The spread of mismatched blankets and oversized pillows by the bonfire becomes sort of a base, the center of activity on the beach. We’re all either orbiting around it or relaxing on it, flitting to and from it.
Half-drunk, half-stoned laughter rises and falls in waves, and the sound of feet running on sand mixes with the soft rush of the breaking tide. Smoke rises into the salty air and winds up towards the night sky. From the bonfire, and also from whatever we happen to be passing around at the moment.
The bonfire is blazing against the darkness, red-hot coals glowing, molten sparks snapping and popping as they flutter up from the flames. The woodsy smell and toasty heat of it seeps into the blankets, and the food we roast over it sizzles before we eat it. Cups of hot chocolate have been passed out, still warm from the thermos.
Raj keeps scampering away down the beach with bright, childlike eagerness, usually taking Mel or Noah or both with him. A small heap of random beach debris is accumulating on the other side of the blankets, loot from their mini-adventures. I’m not sure what’s going on, but I support it, because it’s making Raj radiantly happy.
I’m having a blast, too. I’ve been flitting from person to person, talking to everyone. Going down to the waterline to put my feet in the ocean with Ripley. Standing near the beach grass with Noah while he tries to show me how to blow a good smoke ring. Stretching out on the blankets to talk with Mel, so she can show me the intricacies of her bridal mehndi, Noah and Raj’s initials tucked into the ornate swirls of dark henna.
Calla and Mel have hit it off way harder than any of us expected, and nobody seems more surprised about it than Calla. There’s a lot of excited chatter between the two of them. Alix clearly likes Calla, too. She was deeply impressed when Calla went gracefully cartwheeling down the beach. She asked Calla to show her how to do it.
We all stopped to watch for a minute as Alix’s clumsy self attempted a cartwheel. It was very hard not to laugh. Calla had to catch her before she could land on her head. More than once.
Noah has taken over the aux cable connected to the speakers. Soft, mellow music is singing out from our little base camp.
Thankfully nobody seems to have noticed what’s going on between Aiden and me.
I want Aiden like a magnet wants metal, right now, and everything he does makes me feel the pull more intensely. The cadence of his deep, rich voice. The way he looks with the bonfire flames reflected in his eyes as he feeds the fire. How he leans over me when we get a second alone and feathers light, mothwing kisses onto my face and neck.
I know he said that I’ve been driving him crazy, but - I can’t help it. I’m curious. What might result from me getting Aiden all worked up, all night long, but then going no further, making him wait? What’s he going to be like, tomorrow?
I’m running my own secret experiment.
I stop forcing myself to keep my hands off of Aiden quite so much. I steal him down to the shadowy coves at the edge of the beach and let him feel me in the darkness. I let him kiss me, responding to him so gradually, so slowly letting our mouths sink more and more together, slowly letting the kisses get deeper and heavier until he’s breathing hard into my mouth - then I break it off and pull away.
I very lightly stroke the back of his neck as we walk places together. I lay back against him whenever we’re gathered with other people at the fire. When he catches me looking at him, I let my eyes linger for a second or two before I look away. And I don’t try to hide what’s happening in them.
The effects on Aiden are starting to show, although I think I’m the only one catching them.
There’s grown to be a constant, blazing light burning deep in his blue eyes, which are starting to follow me everywhere I go. Every time I touch him, even in passing, I feel a shock of invisible electricity from him that thrums through my whole body. More than once, he’s started to reach for me, then stopped himself like he wasn’t sure what he was going to do. He’s the only one of us sober, but his cheeks are starting to take on an unwavering scarlet glow, and there’s something intoxicated about the way he’s breathing, the way he’s moving.
When I toast a marshmallow for too long and it explodes into melty syrup as I eat it, Aiden stares at my mouth for a moment, then suddenly surges to his feet, the blush in his cheeks darkening. He strides off to join Alix and Mel down by the shoreline, pushing a hand through his chestnut hair over and over again as he goes.
I get up to follow him down the beach, then realize I might need a second to chill out, too. I turn around and strike out for Raj and Noah instead. They’re sitting together closer to the water, talking and laughing, their heels dug in the sand.
“-the seashell,” Noah is saying, his voice warm with love. “Holder for our wedding rings, huh?”
“Not just for our wedding day,” Raj answers, his words slurring. “Thought we could keep it by the bed, yeah? Put the rings in it at night.”
Noah bites his lip, smiling at Raj, his eyes glowing silver. “How’re we gonna know which ring is yours and which one is mine, if we do that? M’gonna end up taking yours by accident, right?”
Raj shrugs, then drops his head to rest on Noah’s shoulder. “I - I actually kinda like the idea that sometimes I might be wearing yours, and you might be wearing mine.”
Noah stops mid-puff of his cigarette, closes his eyes for a second.
I back away quietly, realizing I’m walking right into a private conversation. I stumble back to the blankets, where Calla is letting out soft, drunken giggles as she brushes kisses onto the curve of Ralph’s neck. He has his arms around her, but he’s holding perfectly still. Even holding his breath, I think. Like any movement might scare her away.
“Hey, Ralph,” I begin, struggling to make my words sound separate from each other. “Do you want to-?”
“No,” he says instantly.
“Okay, I was just gonna ask if-”
Ralph looks up at me with wide, meaningful eyes, then gestures to Calla, who is gently biting into the side of his neck. “Later, man.”
“Okay,” I laugh, backing off, but Alix comes racing up to us before I can go too far.
“Calla!” she says, beaming from ear to ear. “I did it! I did a cartwheel! Come see!”
“What?” Calla lets out an excited gasp, leaping to her feet. “Show me! Wait, let’s go where the sand is flatter!”
They rush off together, and Ralph throws his hands up in frustration, then holds them out like he’s going to strangle me.
“Goddamnit, Keane! I oughtta kill you!”
“You know that wasn’t my fault,” I laugh, dropping to sit down next to him on the blankets.
“Well - someone’s gotta fucking pay!” Ralph flings himself flat on his back, scowling up at the sky. “Someone’s gotta bleed.”
“You’re less scary with a bunch of Calla’s lipstick on your neck, first of all, and second of all, I think you’ll have plenty of opportunities to pick right back up where you left off.”
“Who knows, man?” Ralph sits up on his elbows, gazing down the beach at Calla. “Gotta fit in as much as I can right now. I’m fucking scared to death that any second she’s gonna realize she can do better than me.”
“Oh, Ralph, come on,” Noah says, coming to a stop before us. “She already knows that. We all know that.”
Ralph blinks at Noah, then lets out a burst of indignant laughter and tries to kick him. Noah staggers out of the way, but loses his balance and lands hard on the blankets next to me.
“Shit,” he laughs, rubbing his eyes. “Definitely lost m-my equilibrium.”
“Pretty sure you left it back at the house, dude,” Ralph snickers. “If you ever had it in the first place.”
Noah laughs, then falls onto his back next to us, lets his hair out of its bun. There’s a comfortable silence as we all look up at the stars, our feet warmed by the fire.
“Ralph,” Noah says suddenly.
“What?”
“What’d - what’d you mean earlier?”
“About what?”
“About - you gave me the keys to the Jag, and you said - I did it right, this time. What’s that mean?”
There’s another silence, this one very different from the first. Ralph stares up at the sky with his eyebrows knitted, then sits up on his elbow to look over me at Noah.
“Noosh, are you s…? I thought you - might have figured it out on your own.”
Noah stares at Ralph blankly. “There - was somethin’ I was supposed to figure out?”
“It’s a good idea to be very direct with Noah,” I whisper to Ralph, who winces deeply.
He hesitates, then runs a hand through his blonde hair, suddenly looking seriously anxious. He falls onto his back again, not looking at Noah, fidgeting with the edge of the blanket.
“What’d you mean?” Noah asks again.
“Nothing,” Ralph says in a rough voice, after a long moment. “I was just talking, I didn’t mean anyth… didn’t mean - it - it was just - about the - the Corvette.”
Noah narrows his grey eyes at Ralph, then props himself up on his elbow, staring hard at him over me.
“Um,” I begin uncertainly, trying not to sound as fucked up as I am. “Should I leave you two alone to talk about th-?”
“The fuck does that mean, it was about the Corvette?”
Ralph lets out a heavy exhale, presses his palms over his eyes, then blurts out -
“I mean - the - the Corvette was supposed to be for you, Noosh. I took it for you.”
There’s nothing but complete silence from Noah for a long moment. The expression in his eyes changes almost more swiftly than I can keep up with. First a total blankness, like he doesn’t understand a word of what Ralph said. Then wide-eyed disbelief. Then total disbelief, like he knows that Ralph is lying, and he’s trying to work out how. He draws back a little - and then Ralph drops his hands from his eyes, meets Noah’s gaze.
I see the sincerity imbued in everything about Ralph’s facial expression, and I can tell that Noah sees it, too. He freezes, staring at Ralph with enormous eyes, his pierced eyebrows furrowing.
“It was - you - what?”
“D’you guys want me to leave?” I mumble again, glancing between the two of them as they stare at each other over me.
Ralph rubs his temple anxiously, guilt filling up his sage green eyes.
“I just - wanted to do something for you,” he says, all in a rush, looking anywhere but at Noah. “Because - I felt so fucking bad about leaving you in the woods, that night you were rolling and you got lost - I wanted to make it up to you somehow-”
Noah stares at Ralph like he can’t even follow this. “What?”
“Um,” I say awkwardly. “D’you guys want me to - you know what? I’m wasting my breath.”
“You never even said sorry for that, dude!”
“I know, because - getting you the Corvette - honestly, that was easier for me than apologizing would’ve been. That was just - strategy.” Ralph winces again, twisting his fingers around his wristbands. “I’m so fucking sorry, man, I - I should never have left you out there.”
For a long moment, Noah can only stare at Ralph in stunned silence. Then he slowly drops his grey gaze from Ralph’s face, his eyebrows drawn together, his expression impossible to read.
“Why did you?” he asks, very quietly. “What did I do, that you were mad enough to…?”
Ralph cringes like Noah just physically hurt him somehow. He runs a stressed-out hand through his blonde hair, falls flat onto his back again.
“It wasn’t anything you did, Noosh. I was just really fucking upset, because - I had tried to talk to Aiden right before you got lost, and it was a fucking disaster. It’s my own fault, I know that now, I was behaving like a jackass. And Aiden and I - you know - in high school, we used to say such horrible shit to each other, all time. But we both knew we didn’t mean it…”
Ralph trails off for a second, struggling for the right words.
“Like - I’d be pissed at Aiden, and I’d leave him a voicemail saying all kinds of ugly shit I didn’t mean, telling him how I hated him and he could fuck off forever, all kinds of denigrating shit.”
Noah blinks at Ralph blankly. “Denigrating? What’s-?”
“Then I’d feel fucking horrible about leaving the voicemail,” Ralph forges on, as if he won’t be able to start again if he stops. “But Aiden would just - show up at my place to hang, like nothing happened. He’d be like, nice voicemail you left me, dickhead. And that was it. Because we both knew we didn’t mean that shit. But he was gone for so long, I - I kinda forgot. That we never mean it. So - when he and I got into that fight in the woods…”
Ralph lets out a heavy, frustrated sigh, staring up overhead. Every word he’s saying sounds forced out, like it was a battle to get it to the surface.
“Just - Aiden and I both said a bunch of awful shit to each other that we didn’t mean, and I forgot for a minute that he didn’t mean it, either. So I was super fucking pissed off at him, and I also felt like shit about the stuff I’d said to him, and then you got lost, so I just… turned all of my anger on you. I guess. Like you caused that day to be a fucking catastrophe, not me. I sold myself on that until I got so pissed at you that I just - left you out there…”
Ralph trails off and swallows hard, blinking very fast at the sky.
“Felt horrible about it as soon as I thought it through for like, five clear-headed minutes,” he adds quietly. “The ‘vette was me trying to make up for it, but I fucking failed spectacularly at that, too. Made everything into a way bigger mess, let it get totally out of control. And there was so much heat on the car that I never even got to give it to you… just - I’m sorry, Noosh.”
Noah and I are both staring at Ralph with very, very wide eyes.
Ralph is keeping his expression as under control as he can, but his feelings are betrayed by his eyes. A fathoms deep mixture of guilt and regret and fraternal love is swimming around in them. I don’t think nearly so much would be showing if he wasn’t fucked up, and this kind of vulnerability is so unusual on him that Noah and I are both frozen for a few seconds.
“Okay,” Noah finally says. He falls onto his back again, stares up at the sky, and lets out a soft, dazed laugh. “That’s - gonna take some time to sink in. Holy shit.”
Ralph hesitates, then blurts out - “Is that you accepting my apology?”
Noah looks over at him, then breaks into a warm, bright smile.
“Yeah, man.” He reaches over me and affectionately swats Ralph’s shoulder. “It’s okay. I still love you.”
He gets up and stretches his arms over his head, then heads off to join Mel and Raj near the shoreline.
Ralph stares after him, frozen, his eyes enormous and unblinking. Then he sits up sharply, blinking very fast, looking stunned to his core.
I sit up, too, burying my toes in the soft sand, folding my arms around my knees. “Hey, you okay?”
“Yeah, just-” Ralph’s shocked eyes dart over to me, then away again very quickly. “Just - we don’t - say - that.”
“What?” I stare at Ralph in disbelief. “Are you serious? Never? Why not?”
“I don’t know, we just - don’t! Shut up already, Keane. Don’t make it weird, just shut up.”
“Make it weird-? It’s not weird. Here, look-” I turn and find Aiden walking towards us, the moonlight sliding down his face. “Aiden, Ralph loves you, did you know that?”
Aiden comes to an immediate halt on the sand, taken aback, blinking hard.
“What the fuck-?” He looks at Ralph, his startled blue eyes full of alarm. “What? What the fuck is happening, right now? Why’d he say that, man? What’s wrong with you? Are you - sick, or something?”
“Ugh,” Ralph groans, shoving my shoulder. “See, Keane? Keep your cupcake shit to yourself! You dumbass, honestly, you have no brain cells - how do you even know how to open a door without dislocating all of your fingers?”
“Someone actually did dislocate my shoulder kinda recently.”
“What?” Ralph twists to look at me, a surge of outrage flashing through his eyes. “Who did that to you?”
I’m too faded to even try to lie. “Aiden.”
“It was an accident!” Aiden protests, as Ralph whips around to stare at him. “We were - just-”
He trails off, clearly struggling for an answer that isn’t I was falling off of a cliff, and Jamie dislocated his shoulder when he caught me.
“Man, you guys get up to some real kinky shit, huh?” Noah asks, having returned with a new blunt. “I remember when Aiden had rope burns on his hands.”
“That was from the same incident,” I mumble without thinking, to a whistle from Noah and a burst of startled laughter from Ralph.
“Oh, my god,” Aiden groans. He reaches down, seizes my hand, and pulls me to my feet. Turns me around and holds me against his chest by pressing his hand over my mouth. “Come here, you. You’re not allowed to talk for the rest of the night.”
“Good luck with that,” Ralph snickers.
I’m trying to pull Aiden’s fingers away from my mouth. Before I can, Mel bounds up to us, flowers falling from her braid.
“We’re all going for a swim!” she announces, then spins around and rushes for the water.
“Oh, fuck yeah!” Noah tosses his lighter onto the blankets and takes off after her. “Right behind you!”
“What - really?” Aiden calls, his eyebrows arched.
“Yep!” Mel calls over her shoulder, like that’s the end of it.
“What do we do?” I ask, watching as Mel catches Raj’s hand. Ripley and Alix are already running after them towards the waves, Calla leading the way. “Are we going in? Like - in our clothes?”
“Mhm, we are,” Ralph says, getting to his feet, his eyes on Calla. “We do as the bride commands. C’mon.”
I look at Aiden, who shrugs, breaks into a grin, and weaves his fingers through mine.
An electric blue dawn is just starting to show the faintest signs of arrival at the horizon line as we all race out into the sea.
I was expecting a cold shock, and I get one, but not nearly as intense as I thought it would be. I have a feeling that my Heliomancer softened the blow for all of us, because the water is cold enough to make us all gasp, but not enough to drive us back.
We all sink into the waves together, until the sand gently gives way and lets us float. I laugh as Aiden splashes down beside me, able to walk out further than all the rest of us. Noah and Raj both apparently want to make out with Mel in the water, because they’re basically wrestling each other to get there first, and she’s watching, laughing, splashing at them.
Alix is holding onto Ripley, giggling as she says something into his ear. Calla has disappeared completely, but Ralph is looking at something in the water like a shark is circling him, a big grin on his face. Aiden and I both burst out laughing when he suddenly gasps and disappears, wrenched under.
With the sea and sky around us, the sun slowly letting its glow rise up over the horizon and fall down onto the rippling surface of the water, I snuggle up close to Aiden. I fold my thighs around his hips, loop my arms around his neck. Rest my head on his shoulder. Give him a lil’ bite.
The soft huff of his laughter kisses my ears.
“I think I love Drunk!Jamie,” he rumbles, his rich voice vibrating through me. “I know it, actually.”
“Oh, that’s good. Because he loves you.” I smile against Aiden’s shoulder. “Sober Jamie does, too. All Jamies. Love all Aidens. S’just a fact, Sugar Maple.”
Somehow I can almost feel Aiden smiling.
“Man, it’s beautiful out here!” I hear Noah shout.
When I open my eyes, my first thought is that the distant mist I’d seen hovering just above the ocean earlier has finally reached us, and filled up with sunlight. I suspect that’s what the others think, too, but they don’t know what I know.
It dawns on me as I look around. The soft, subtle bath of smoky golden light around us didn’t come from the rising sun.
I close my eyes again, then nuzzle my face into Aiden’s neck, smiling hard.
The last thing I remember before falling asleep is swimming in the golden sunrise, held close in his arms.
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